I think I need therapy.

Unless you’re brain is wired like mine you won’t understand, but let’s just say that what works best for me in losing weight is not only a good plan to follow, but the time to work through why I am eating in secret and overeating.  Because I’ve learned it’s not simply that I have no self discipline (which I know is part of it, so I’m not using this as an excuse), but for me there’s a whole lot more to it than that.

That’s why I really feel like this is my year to get back to my old “new” Leah.

For three consecutive years — 2014 through 2017 — I faced life changing experiences I’d never had to deal with before.  Death, child illness and the nest beginning to empty are the ones I’m comfortable sharing about.  There were others that are much more personal.  In spring of 2016 I went to Weight Watchers because I was gaining back weight during these traumatic times and I was scared of gaining all of my weight back.

It helped in that I stopped gaining, but a year later I found myself weighing exactly the same.  Life was continuing and I didn’t feel I had the head space to do more for my weight.

Or I hoped if I exercised faithfully the weight would drop off.

Um, if you don’t change your eating that doesn’t happen as easily at 41 as it did at 32.

Anyway, over the summer 2017 I took a break, moved into our new home.  Then I enjoyed the holidays.  I did more thinking about my life where I want to go, who I am, etc. etc. and I saw the weight creeping up a few more pounds.

So, in early December I said I am going back to Weight Watchers, because I need the structure and the motivation from the meetings.  I told myself I wouldn’t put too much pressure on during Christmas and New Years, but in January I would truly begin.

While I enjoyed time with my family I began to think.  And to pray.

And calm came and I felt ready.

Ready to deal with things I had allowed back into my brain that were leading me to turn to food; and deal with layers that had been exposed during my recent life changing experiences and realize [again] food is not the answer.

The scale is down about -5.0 pounds so far, but what is falling away inside is so much nicer than what is falling off outside.

It’s like as I work through my emotions I’m losing the bad inside and it’s making way for healthier thoughts and habits to begin again.

It’s been tough, and I’m no where near the end, but I feel so much better about where I am that I had to share.  For anyone who still comes to check on me here on the blog I had to share that I’m still not giving up.

I do have issues, but I’m taking them to God and doing some secular reading on relationships with food and I’m feeling so much better already.

This really is my year and I look forward to seeing all that is going to happen, both inside and out.