Humbled

I hoped I’d never see this day, the day that I would have to say I have gained back almost all of the weight I lost from 2009 – 2013.  But I have.  And I’m humbled.

I wasn’t exactly embarrassed until I saw the last 20 pounds come back on, 10 of which came on in the last month while moving.  And when I realized I’d gained those 10 pounds I also realized something else.

Food has been my coping mechanism for stress.

It seems like an excuse to say that, but I had maintained my weight loss for over a year and then a succession of stressful situations began to occur and aloing with the stress came the weight.

I have researched, discussed the subject with friends, prayed much and the only conclusion I have is I have to learn how to handle stress and not let it affect my healthy habits to the extent it has these last 4 1/2 years.

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PC: Pinterest  — Such truth to this!

If life would settle somewhat I think that would help as well.  However, I’ve been told life continues to change, so I know what really needs to change is my response to it.  At least

So, that’s where I am today.

Embarrassed.

Nervous to start again.

Humbled by my inability to keep control over my overeating.

And ultimately…I’m staying honest.

While it seriously pains me to make this public I have to, so when I come back those who follow will know where I started from again.

I’m 224.2 pounds as of this morning.  I feel every bit of the 60 pounds I’ve gained back, and I cling to a sliver of hope that I can get it off again.

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Me this morning after my walk. 224.2 and pooped out.

No great fan fare.  I will just get back to the basics of a balanced diet combined with exercise.  I am tracking my eats and movements in My Fitness Pal and using this very neat journal I bought with some birthday money last month:

 

And I’m returning to blogging, because I still hope the details of my health journey can help someone else know they are not alone in the struggles that surround this kind of journey.

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2 Responses to Humbled

  1. Jessey says:

    I hear you. Big hugs to you. I’ve been struggling so much to lose anything. I’m seeing a nutritionist just to hear what she has to say. But I know how to eat well, I just don’t 😦 I

    I am on this journey again with you!

    Like

  2. mfclingan says:

    Welcome back. You are not the only one my fellow blogger!!!been there..done that….ok currently ‘doing it’! You know what to do and how to do it!!! That’s half the battle! Your already one huge step ahead!!!

    And you have more than a sliver of hope! You have a whole big ray of hope!! You want it, you know what to do to achieve it. You’ve got this in the bag!!!

    As for stress…life is always going to dish out stress in one way or another. I don’t know an easy solution. But if we recognize the stress and refuse to feed the stress…unless it’s accounted for…maybe that will work. I did that on Thursday. I had a super strslessful day at work. I wanted to eat my stress away. But I recognized it for what it was and said ‘I can’t change some things in life…but I can change how I react to them.’ And in doing that I said ‘I can change the fact that I eat my emotions over this hostile work environment and I will not add another pound or two gain on my body…which will only add more stress in the long run! I succeeded! I DID work it into my plan at the very end of the day to have a small scoop of ice cream. I shuffled my food and tracked it all to make it work. So I still managed to have that comfort….but I didn’t go hog wild.

    Hugs and once again, welcome back! You can do it!!!!

    Like

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