I had a very long post written about some personal feeling and how my life is settling into a good rhythm emotionally and spiritually, and how that makes me really not care too much what is going on with the scale, but I deleted it.
The details don’t really matter, but I have to share why I’m only half caring what the scale says lately.
Because if you judge me by my size or weight then I’m a failure. But if you could see into my heart and soul and judge me by what has taken place there you’d see a different story.
Yes, I feel every ounce of the 40 pounds I’ve gained since Spring 2014.
I hate that I feel fat (except when I’m wearing my new cute jeans… 🙂 ).
I hate that keeping my weight in check is so much harder at 41 than it was at 32.
BUT …
I am no longer feeling like I have to find a new “identity” as my children grow up and move out.
I am choosing to accept where we are now in regards to some personal issues, see the blessing that has come out of some fiery trials and be grateful for the growth.
I am grateful for the good rhythm my life has begun settling into the past month or so.
I am grateful that I’m learning to separate what happened in recent years from daily upsets and not connect them all or think it’s because of “that” that this is happening today.
I’m coming back to living the life that really matters the most to me, and letting go of the past as something that occurred, but not something that has to rule my days now.
THIS my friends…this is what made me think if mental health were my goal I’d almost be to goal now. LOL Things have been *that* crazy on the inside for quite some time.
Yes, I’m keeping an eye on the scale and stay active, but right now I can’t get caught up in this diet or that strict fix. I know what needs to happen. I get nervous I won’t ever lose weight again. But I also know I want to finish my life healthy and I learned in the past that begins with mental health.
So, here’s to getting mental health in check; I really feel it’s the foundation that all other change can be built upon.
My New Ending 
So glad you are in a good head space these days. Dealing with complicated emotions and working through the aftermath of tough times is like treading water – it takes all your energy just to stay in one place and keep your head above water. Yet it’s tempting to look at the effort and be disappointed that you didn’t go anywhere. But you have survived and learned and gotten stronger.
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It so does count. It’s the main thing that counts! Good to hear!
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Hi, new reader here. It sounds like you’re getting to a really good place. I agree – mental health is extremely important. Everything else hinges on it.
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