My New Ending

A Funny & Good Day

Posted on August 31, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

My mom sent this to me today:

“I went to the 30^th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on, like, a hundred pounds.” –Wendy Liebman

As for my week so far:

Eating is going fine & I’m tracking daily.
I got a run in today and kept a decent pace (for me) during the running intervals.
The kids are back on a regular school schedule now.
We got a second car, so I can run my errands in the daytime again.
The weather has been real nice – a lovely 71 degrees when I went out to exercise at 9:00 am.
I’m still reading Made to Crave and learning.
I’ve started a new book, The Help, and it’s enjoyable so far.
I’ve had good chats with two long-time close friends this week.
There is food on the table.
The bills are paid.
No one is sick.

Yep, it’s a good day over here and I’m thankful to God for it. I hope you’re having a good one wherever you’re at.

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Time Consuming Thoughts

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

As I read in chapter 6 of Made to Crave earlier today I was really struck by this question in the ‘Personal Reflections’ at the end of the chapter.

“As Christians, our calling — and our source of spiritual nourishment — is to do God’s will and finish His work (John 4:34). To what degree have consuming thoughts about food impacted your ability to pursue your calling and receive spiritual nourishment?”

I realized when I am consumed with food, overeating or snacking when bored, etc, I begin to feel guilty. Those feelings of guilt usually begin roll into a huge burden of shame that then threatens to crush any positive thoughts and leaves a path of worry and wonder behind it.

“Why am I still struggling?” “Why do I do this?” “Haven’t I learned anything?”

Many times those crushing thoughts steal away hours in my day and I don’t get things done that I need to do. This is usually because I then find myself searching for reasons why I’m doing what I’m doing, reading weight loss stories online or in conversation with a weight loss buddy or even in a book or my Bible.

There is a time and a place for these moments of deep introspection and learning. However, more often than not I’m doing this too often and it becomes a thief of my time. I’m then left with only enough time to do the basic activities of daily living, and sometimes even those things are completed in a rushed manner to make up for lost time.

In a day where I’ve been consumed with food and weight related worries there is no time for extra things, maybe working on something I’ve felt God calling me to do like visit with a friend in need or work on a project for church.

Or I may also have lost time in my day for reading a book or working on a family project, and then I am stressed out because I feel I’ve had no time to myself in the day.

This is not healthy, and it is something I am going to work on.

I am going to work on sticking to my plan, and not letting my mind become consumed with food – in a good or bad way – so that I can have more full, productive days. Our lives where meant to be lived to the fullest, not bogged down with heavy, destructive thoughts or habits.

I know with God’s help and my good choices I’ll gain a victory in this area of my life. My hope is I’ll also begin losing weight again as well.

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Safe & Sound

Posted on August 28, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

We made it safe and sound as Irene passed through our area today. The power was off when we woke up, but it came back on around 6:00 pm. It was a rainy day with lots of howling winds.

We are grateful to God for bringing this hurricane down from the level 3 it was expected to be to a level 1.

Thank you to those who prayed and for those on the northeastern coast, you are still in my prayers.

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Hurricane Irene

Posted on August 26, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Quick note: We live in Jacksonville, North Carolina and are preparing to hunker down for the hurricane that is headed up the east coast. Our schools are closing two hours early today and the base, where my husband works, has already been shut down. The city is also beginning to shut down for today so people can get home safely and not in a panic.

If you are a praying person, please keep us and the eastern seaboard in your prayers. We’re not expecting the worst of the damage here in NC; however, if Irene doesn’t change direction the northeastern coast could be hit much worse.

Thank you.

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Weigh-In … This is Hard

Posted on August 26, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s Weight: 190 . 0

Loss/Gain: + 2 . 5

Total Loss So Far: – 41 . 0 lbs

You can imagine my frustration at seeing this number today. I’ve seen it most of the week and it’s been frustrating all week. I’m not 100% on plan, but to be up to 190 is driving me crazy.

Crazy to point of truly looking at where the problem lies. I’ve spent time this morning reading through some beginning chapters of Made to Crave by Lisa Terkeurst and looking up in scripture biblical truths with regards to discipline and acceptance.

Yes, acceptance.

I struggle with overeating and lack of discipline when it comes to food, as is obvious by my lack of reaching my goal weight in over two years since trying, but I also struggle greatly with acceptance. My husband, parents and closest friends know this is true. It’s my own great mind battle and something I have to overcome.

As I’ve read through scripture and really made myself sit and look at why I keep reaching for those no-bake chocolate cookies when I’m not hungry (that was an issue this week) or why I keep eating when I’m not hungry I come to some different conclusions. To name a few I realize…

I still see myself as the chubby blonde girl who was the friend of the girls boys liked.
I still see myself as the chubby mom on the sidelines.
I have always made friends easily, and have a very full and happy life, except when it comes to my struggles with food.

As I finished writing up a response to one of her “Personal Reflections” at the end of a chapter I was amazed at what flowed out of my pen. It went like this, “…crazy, but maybe….just maybe I feel like food ALWAYS accepts me, it’s dependable, but material things and relationships are much harder, less accepting [or fulfilling]…so I turn to food. BUT I NEED TO TURN TO GOD and ‘do all things as unto the Lord and not unto man.’ wow. “

For someone who struggles with acceptance and rejection this is very hard for me to put out for you all to read, but since I find it very telling I had to share.

Some may feel I am putting too much emphasis on food and overeating in my life, but I think it’s a sign of deeper issues that I’m working through. Being the chubby girl and mom is a comfort zone for me and breaking out of that zone to a woman who is made for more than the vicious cycles of overeating and guilt is very scary.

I have found myself thinking many times, “I’ll never be like her (Diane, or Lori, or Stephanie), but as I turn to God (and look at those women’s past struggles with food and how they have overcome them) I realize I can be. As Lisa likes to say often in her book, I was made for more.

So, friends in blogland, this is where I am today. Struggling and clinging to the small spark of hope and desire that I will break free from this vicious cycle and be all that God has called me to be in Christ, because I know he didn’t call me to be beat down but to stand tall and be an overcomer.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23 & 24

As always, I will not give up. I can’t.

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Deep Thoughts – Not

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I had something deep and profound to blog about today, but now I can’t remember. LOL

It’s a “rest” day for my working out, but not very restful otherwise. My kids start school tomorrow and enjoyed a nice, lazy day today.

I did laundry, caught up on blog reading, helped put school supplies in piles so they could ready their backpacks, did more laundry, showered, put chicken to marinate for dinner, etc. etc.

I do know that I’m seeing a reoccurring topic of basically, as one friend worded it “getting the mojo back” with regards to weight loss. I’d like to think that the “back to school” feeling will also help in getting back with weight loss efforts.

Maybe I’ll wax poetic on that thought tomorrow…since my train of thought is no where in site right now. *giggle*

Have a good one!

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C25K on Hold

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Due to the arrival of TOM yesterday (heavy flow and serious cramps) I did not run today. I rarely workout hard during the heaviest days of my cycle as it is pretty rough on me. Sometimes with Aleve taking away the pain I can get through it, but I had nothing in my system this morning. After the worst days I’m pretty okay, so we’ll see if I run later in the week.

I did get my circuit workout done yesterday and a 30-minute Walk At Home DVD done today. This is me adjusting my exercise to my life – still getting it done, but not stressing about it. Yay!

I’m off to bed now…zzzzz….

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C25K – Week 3 Day 3

Posted on August 21, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I got up by 8:00 am this morning and finished week three of the Couch to 5K program. Whee ! The 3-minute runs were a little easier than the first day this week.

I’m finding it harder to keep my faster pace for longer than two minutes, but we’ll see how it goes next week. Since I’m getting back into running after a two-month break I’ll be content to be able to run for 30 minutes at a 12:00 mile pace by the end of this nine week program. However, I’m shooting for 11:30 if possible. 🙂 We’ll see.

After today’s run I finished up my first full week of exercise which looked like this:

Sunday – Rest
Monday – Strength Training 1 hr (in the form of circuits in my at home gym, following a plan from JillianMichaels.com.)
Tuesday – Run 30 mins (in the form of Couch to 5K … Week 3 Day 1)
Wednesday – Rest
Thursday – Run 30 mins (C25K Week 3 Day 2)
Friday – Strength 1 hr (Circuits in my at home gym)
Saturday – Run 30 mins (C25K Week 3 Day 3)

The scale may not have moved this week, but I’ve felt very good getting back into a regular exercise routine. I plan on sticking to this kind of schedule during the weeks ahead.

It’s more of my “new normal” coming back and I love it!

p.s. My husband and I went to our first Officer’s Ball at the base this evening and I did very well with my dinner. I had small portions (couple bites of each thing), lots of fresh fruit, and didn’t leave feeling at all stuffed. Victory!

G’nite and enjoy the rest of the weekend!

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Weigh-In … Same Scale & New Victory

Posted on August 19, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s Weight: 187 . 5

Loss/Gain: +/- 0

Total Loss So Far: – 43 . 5 lbs

Well, I am choosing to be content with the maintain this week. It is not a gain and for that I am grateful. I am exercising and drinking water again and slowly but surely I am getting to the place I need to be to see weight loss. I have not tracked my food 100%, so that is my goal for this upcoming week.

I do have a non-scale victory (NSV) to share from last night.

After dinner last night I pulled out a pack of Oreos for dessert for the kids. I wanted one, but I knew that I didn’t really have calorie room for too much, nor did I need them. I settled on having one cookie, which I ate slowly, finishing it with a sip of my daughter’s milk.

Off and on til bedtime I kept thinking about having another one, or having something else, but I knew I didn’t need it. I wasn’t hungry. We had eaten a very late dinner, so I only had an hour or so before bedtime and I knew I could make it without eating anything more.

Telling myself I didn’t need it reminds me of a scripture I came across earlier this week in my Bible reading that is a go-to reminder for me in my weight loss journey… when I choose to follow the advice.

1 Corinthians 6:12 says:

“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” NKJV

This includes food and not having more than one Oreo last night was a huge victory for me. I was not brought under the power of sweets. Glory!

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