My New Ending

This morning there was no bread in the house that wasn’t frozen, so I wasn’t able to make my toast with peanut butter or an egg over toast. Yes, I could’ve made an egg by itself, but instead I decided to “live” a little and have a piece of apple spice cake for breakfast with my coffee. I also had a small brownie about an hour later, and a few bites of chocolate cake another hour later.

Wrong move.

I have felt guilt and self-abhorrence ever since then. I haven’t had water in three days and have let the fruit stay in the fridge instead of eating it.

The sweets have entered my body much more than necessary and this morning was the final pieces that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. Well, at least I hope they did…

Funny how what was once a habit that we laughed about, “Cake is great on Saturday mornings for breakfast!” now makes me sick, both physically and emotionally.

I almost didn’t post about it, because I’m not proud of myself, but I know I’ll feel better getting it out in the open. If nothing else, I’m honest in my journey towards my new ending.

So, in the atmosphere of honesty floating about let me say that being back at my parents has brought me to feeling like the “old” way of eating. Yet as I watch my mom I’m noticing that she doesn’t eat like we used to. She has watched her portions and her sweets and drank lots of water daily. I keep thinking, “This is why she lost 40 pounds in half the time it’s taken me to lose 32.

This means I have no excuse for not eating better on this trip. Yes, people have been bringing sweets with every dinner they bring for us and it’s very nice, but it doesn’t mean I have to eat all of it. I usually have something sweet at my own home, but I had reached a point where I was able to not need or desire it, except once monthly.

Having this feeling of no control again is starting to vex me. I’m going to use the afternoon and next day to try and figure out why I’m doing this and get a handle on it. Falling back into the old habits has not been comforting at all. They have only left me feeling yucky, and I don’t like it one bit.

Thanks for “listening”.

Well, folks, last fall I was terrified of doing challenges because I felt like a failure when I didn’t meet my goals 100%. Yet, I’m learning that having a challenge on my plate is akin to committing to weekly Weight Watcher meetings and weigh-ins — they keep me accountable. Difference is I get to set my goals and blogging is cheaper than Weight Watchers. *giggle*

So, here’s a challenge idea I like for the summertime and I’ve officially joined up with it. Below you’ll see the rules and the goals I’ve set for myself. I’m sure you’ll recognize most of them. 🙂

Today I was blessed to hear the preaching of a dear former pastor of ours. He pastors the church my parents attend and the one my husband and I attended when we lived here six years ago. His sermon was very timely for the stress I’ve been under in regards to the sickness in my family. To sum it up he said that often times God allows us to go through trials to see where our heart is at.

How will we handle it?
Will we lose heart and give up?

He likened it to a spiritual EKG, showing us just what the condition of our heart is like. He commented that many people don’t realize they have true physical heart problems until another health issue arises and they are at the doctor’s office. Suddenly the doctor notices things and sends them for and EKG; and many times this ends up in heart surgery. Yet, all along this patient thought they were just fine.

As I latered pondered his words and the truth they held in my life going through the stress of major sickness in two family members, I also realized that this can be applied to my weight loss journey.

My friend (the famous) Stephanie commented in an email to me the other day that this stress has definitely been a life test for me in my weight loss journey.

I’ve seen great strides in my weight loss journey this past year and then life thew me a curve ball of a lesson to work through. Now as I’m going through it I’m realizing that this is a test to see just how well I’ve learned my new eating and exercise habits, and whether or not I’m going to abide by those new changes or allow myself to quit and give in to the old Leah’s way of doing things.

As my post on the walking in the airport shows I’ve seen myself stick to my new habits, but as the many Hershey Kisses that have made it in my mouth would agree, I’ve also seen myself fall back into old habits. I’ve had to stop and make myself think.

Can I handle good eating and exercise habits no matter what else goes on in my life?
Will I quit working on my health just because other issues arise?

The answer is no.

I will not quit. I will not give up. And I definitely will not go back to my old ways.

Getting back to the sermon, our pastor mentioned that it’s the final chapter in life that matters. The tests and trials along the way will strengthen us and teach us, and if we can keep our hearts healthy until that final day, then we will have the great reward.

Along those same terms, my blog’s name is “My New Ending” for a reason. It’s not the setbacks and stressors of life that happen along the journey that will matter most, but the final outcome. As long as I keep working on my healthy habits and taking care of myself in the way I know is best I will reach my goals and that final chapter will be worth every struggle it took to get there.

With God’s strength I will come out the winner both spiritually and in my health.

How about you? Are you struggling or feeling like quitting your weight loss plan or journey just because things are getting tough?

Please don’t quit or give up. Every stress, problem and struggle is a part of the journey and it really is the final chapter that will matter the most. Together we will win this battle!

Today’s Weight: 199.0
Loss/Gain: 0
Total Loss So Far: -32 lbs.

Well, I’m happy to have a maintain with the traveling and some extra eating I’ve done. I’ve had a few meals where I know I didn’t stop at satsfied. The traveling is done and now I’m here with my parents for a week or so and things are back to normal. My parents keep fruits and veggies around and with my mom also working on the weight loss it’s not going to be too hard to watch what I eat…as long as I choose to stay out of sweets. 🙂

As for my getting with it challenge…if I hadn’t had all this upset with my mom coming down with cancer I think I might’ve made it to the ten pounds lost. Then again, the working full time threw me for a bit as well, so maybe not. Nonetheless, I’m happy to see that I’m still below 200 today and that I’m getting exercise in on a trip where one year ago I would not have done so.

First off … I want to see at least 10 pounds lost – Beginning weight is 205.0. 6/10 lost so far. I’m grateful I made it at least halfway to my goal with all the “stuff” going on in my life.
Take my mutli-vitamin and calcium daily. No, I started taking them again and then forgot to bring them on my trip. *sigh*
Drink 64 oz. of water daily. I did pretty well. Now that the traveling is over and the hospital stay is over I’m getting back on track.
One sweet treat a day. I was okay except for 2-3 days.
Eat one fruit or veggie with each meal. No, I’m still working on getting back to normal on this.
Exercise at least 4 days a week. Yes. I worked out to DVDs two days, then walked briskly for two days and even last night I went for a short walk after dinner.

So, technically my challenge is done, but I’m going to keep trying to follow these guidelines from here on out.

Thanks for stopping by and being so encouraging. I hope you all have a nice weekend!

To celebrate my 1st anniversary of my weight loss journey and the start of my weight loss blog I’ve asked one of my best friends, Stephanie, to do a guest post. She has not only been the chubby friend with me through school years she has also now just reached a big healthy success in her own life. After having her second baby in February 2009 she has just reached 50 pounds lost.

Good morning! I’m out of town right now to help my parents while my mom has surgery and recovers. As I was planning for my trip I decided to pack some workout clothes and tennis to get exercise in during my stay. I figured I can at least walk a few days a week if nothing else.

Condensed Version: I’ve walked both at the airport yesterday and again this morning and I’m feeling good.

Long Version: My flight getting here required a one-an-a-half hour layover halfway through. So, I planned on doing some walking in the airport instead of sitting the entire time and eating.

Thankfully it was a nice large airport, so I didn’t have to make lots of little laps. I walked briskly up and down each corridor of gates until I reached the end of everything I could walk through and not leave the security area. Then I backtracked and headed back to my gate area.

It took me 50 minutes and I was feeling so good. By that time I was warm and the Starbucks that had been calling my name when I got off the plane didn’t sound so good anymore. I needed to eat a small meal, so I opted for a smoothie with lowfat vanilla frozen yogurt, bananas, strawberries and a serving of protein powder mixed in.

It was the perfect light meal after a good brisk walk. I was satisfied and felt healthy and alive. After finishing my smoothie I got up to throw it away and use the restroom and suddenly felt pain in my feet.

OUCH!

I had my sandals on that have a less-than-conducive bed for walking in and I started getting blisters on the balls of my feet. Duh! 🙂 I felt like such a dork trying to walk normally with this rubbing pain in my feet.

Luckily during the next flight my feet had time to rest enough that they weren’t hurting when I got to my destination.

This morning I got up bright and early and took a nice walk. About ten minutes into the walk I decided to try some jogging again. I felt kind of silly with my crazy hair only held back by a headband and my jog, but at the same time I was proud and did my best.

It was a quick walk with two jogging segments in the middle. It felt good to do something other than weights since I’m still sore in my hamstrings from all the squats and lunges I did in my two workouts earlier in the week.

Another reason it feels good to workout is because this is the new me traveling. The old me would’ve enjoyed all that resting time yesterday with lots of eating and then a lazy morning doing nothing today until it’s time to go to the hospital.

Folks tomorrow is my one-year anniversary since officially starting my weight loss journey. I may not be down 100 pounds or even 50, but I am a different person than the one that started this blog a year ago. These first two days of traveling are testimony to that fact.

I’ll be checking in during my travels, but until next time…Have a great day!

Well, the kettle bell workout from yesterday left me feeling sore today, and boy was that a nice feeling to have again! 🙂 This evening I worked out with the 30-day Shred. Again, it was a great feeling to sweat and feel the blood pumping!

My prize from the KettleWorx giveaway arrived a few days ago and look at how much stuff I got: