My New Ending

I posted a quick little why-I-haven’t-blogged post earlier today and now to share my news.

**Grab a drink…this could be a while**

After much consideration I decided I need a plan to follow to help me eat better and lose this weight I’ve gained back.  I settled on Weight Watchers and was an absolute wreck signing up and attending my first class.  So scared I’d fail I only told two friends, outside of the friend at church who is also following the plan.  

And it’s taken me a week to come on here and share about it, because I wanted to see if I could make it through one week and actually see a loss.  And I did!! (but you’ll have to read to the end to find out that detail.  *wink*)

It’s taken me a week to come and share with everyone about my change in eating and, well, quite honestly because I was afraid of what folks would say. Or think.  I felt the same way I felt back when I started this last trek down weight loss mountain, “I’m just going to make some changes and not tell anyone, because they’ve all seen me try diets before and will probably wonder if I’ll really make it this time.”  

I didn’t even tell my husband for two days. 

I’m being completely honest with you; it was almost paralyzing how nervous I was.  

At the same time it was a relief to finally start something better for myself.  For weeks now I’ve had a feeling getting on a food plan would help me get my eating back to a healthier place.  I’ve been tracking my food pretty steadily since about January and I haven’t gained any more weight, but I just wasn’t sticking to a calorie budget that was allowing me to lose. 

More honestly, I also wasn’t sticking to healthier food choices very often and my gut instinct told me I needed to clean up my food choices.

I hemmed and hawed over plans in my head, knowing full well I have to find one that is going to fit my lifestyle.   I fully believe in doing something that will last a lifetime.  I love to cook and eat a variety of types of food.  Even though I had success with it in the past I didn’t feel like I needed to do the 21-Day Fix again.  

I overheard a friend at church make comments that lead me to believe she was doing Weight Watchers. 

Ah ha!  I remember they always had a balanced plan, but it did include lots of fruits and vegetables.  (Yes, 5 servings a day is a lot for someone who prefers sweets and breads to fruits and vegetables. lol)  But I felt the urge to look into it.  

So, I read over their plan (as much as they offer on the website anyway) and it felt like the right thing for me to do.  I was hesitant about having to cut out a lot of fat, but I read they are also taking sugar counts into consideration and I know sugars/carbs are an issue for me. 

So, I asked my friend if I had understood her correctly and was she following Weight Watchers.  She is a lively, vibrant lady and answered me with a resounding, “YES!”  🙂 

When I admitted I was thinking about following the plan, she was so excited.  It really caught me off guard.  I hadn’t expected that.  By the end of the evening she came over to me and said, “So, are you in or are you out?  You gonna join??”

“Yes. Yes, I’m in.  I think I’ll go tomorrow and join.”, I told her. 

She was super excited and told me she was so happy to have a weight loss buddy at church now.  And as I smiled to myself I felt my stomach go in knots at the thought of signing up for a weight loss plan when I’ve already done this before…

I was so nervous I couldn’t even fall asleep that night.

Um, I never have trouble falling asleep, so the fact that I was tossing and turning til midnight should tell you just how nervous I was.  

Monday morning didn’t bring any relief.  I was so nervous all morning.  

Nervous about telling anyone I was going to do this. 

Nervous about walking into a meeting and having to admit in person I need help, when I already know what needs to happen.

Nervous I wouldn’t succeed. 

But I knew something had to change and I was ready to make some changes.  So, I got dressed and got to the meeting early to sign up for 3 months in advance.

During the sign up process the kind secretary asked me if I was ready to step on the scale and I uttered, “Well, I guess that is the point, huh?”  heh. heh.  She smiled and we both chuckled a little. 

As I was finishing up my paperwork I heard a familiar voice behind me.  MY FRIEND CAME TO SUPPORT ME!  

I had already texted her about how nervous I was and she came on her non-weigh-in day just to support me.  I was so touched and it helped my nerves.  

A little. 

Anyway, the meeting went well and I went away feeling confident that I had made a good choice in which plan I’m choosing to follow. 

Later I’ll share a few differences I see in this new SmartPoints plan and how they are perfect for my health needs.  

And since you were kind enough to get through all this reading here’s the good news:  

I’ll write an official weigh-in post about that later as well.  

So, here we go!  I topped out at 201.8 pounds, but I’m already back in wonderland and I’m going to continue taking it one day at at time to get back to that healthier new Leah that had emerged after losing weight a few years ago. 

One day at a time, because don’t forget…I’m never giving up.  

I have some important new to announce, but before I go any further I need to share….

The week after Easter brought on some of the worst PMS I’ve had in a while.  For two days I was in a depressed fog just trying to survive.  TOM had come a little early and I was a bit of a mess.  The rest of the days were better, but those two days threw me off my feed. 

So, I didn’t blog and I just got through each day , because I knew the sun would shine again, the hormones would get back into a normal state of being and all would be well. 

And it was. And still is.  🙂

I even managed not to gain any weight through that week and I was pleased with that.  However, I then decided to make a rather huge change in what I’m doing for my health and that threw me into another state of nerves that I haven’t experienced in a while.  

Needless to say, I ended up not blogging last week because it slipped my time schedule….not my mind — I thought of plenty to say at random moments throughout the week — but my days were full and I just didn’t make time for blogging. 

So, I am alive (again) and doing well …. and after I finish up an Etsy order and get my son from baseball I’m going to come back and tell you all about it.  

Good news ahead, I promise.  🙂

Today I was going to get up bright and early and go to the gym.  But…. I decided an leisurely morning with my husband and making breakfast for my family was a better use of my time. We’ve been so busy around here that we haven’t had much time to connect as a couple, or relax as a family, and I enjoyed the time being around my husband and kids. 

We were invited over to some friend’s house for Easter dinner tomorrow, so I am making Tres Leches Cake and yeast rolls.  I don’t make yeast rolls often, so they are going to be a treat.  

I am a Sunday School teacher and will be finishing up preparations for the Easter craft tomorrow.  It’s one of my most favorite lessons of the year.  In our new congregation I have a “one-room-schoolhouse” type of class;  about 12 kids ages 4-11.  It’s a new challenge for me as a teacher, but I enjoy it immensely. 

We are doing a little skit and a song medley for the congregation during the morning service and the kids are doing so well.  

I hope to get in a nice walk later, or get my house cleaned … either will be very good for my health.  🙂 

I hope you have a nice weekend and remember the greatest love of all was expressed when Jesus willingly went to the cross in our place.  And the greatest hope followed when he broke the power of hell and the grave and rose again on the third day.  

Happy Easter!

Yesterday we had a substitute in BodyPump.  She was vibrant, cheerful and she motivated us the entire time.  

She also shared bits of her story between instruction, which included that she has come through a bout of brain cancer.  Dealing with brain cancer and living to share about it while you do an intense workout is inspiring enough, but she made a comment that reached out and snatched my attention. 

 She said something to the effect of, “I have gained 60 pounds recently due to medications, but I didn’t let that stop me from teaching BodyPump again as soon as I was able.” 

Hmm… She doesn’t know me or my story or how people keep asking me if I’m still running and all I can think is, “No.. I feel too fat to run.  Running half marathons requires carb loading and I get hungry when I run a lot and then I eat and I don’t lose weight…and I need to stop gaining and am scared if I start running again I’ll not get this weight off that I’ve gained in the last two years..” etc. etc. 

But that one sentence, one side comment about working out despite a weight gain reminded me that my weight isn’t stopping me from trying to continue my journey either and that’s awesome.  (because I’ve not felt too awesome in the health world lately.)  And it reminded me to keep going. 

I overheard her mention her father passing away last fall and eating in mourning and then the holidays all topped off with crazy strong medications has been hard, and boy could I relate. 

And even though our struggles have been very different, my weight gain started after my mom died two years ago and my son’s accident one-and-a-half months later and then life, but when I heard her say she didn’t let her weight gain stop her from teaching BodyPump as soon as she could after her 18 months of chemo I knew…

I had met someone who I could relate to.  Someone else who is determined to keep up the fight, even if she’s gained weight, because she also mentioned this 60 pounds she’s gained is part of 100 pounds she had lost before she found out she had cancer.

Yep, with a few words spoken between instructions in a fitness class I was encouraged by someone I don’t even know, because she can relate.  It was wonderful.  

Afterwards, I took a few minutes to share my gratitude for her sharing her story and she told me she has a blog:  Normal2Natalie.  I then told her I had one too.  🙂 

And while I’m not real active on FaceBook she asked to friend me and I agreed.  Maybe we’ll never be more than FaceBook friends, but that’s fine because the few words she shared in class came at a perfect time in my life.  And I won’t soon forget meeting Natalie.

Note:  Oh, and I do love my normal Monday instructor, but if Natalie could ever get one of our classes at the Y I’d try to take it.  🙂 She has a way of pushing you hard and making you laugh all at once.  It was a great way to start a Monday!

I know I post maybe once a month and then BAM! two posts in one day.  🙂  That’s what exercising and inspiration will do to a lady.  

This evening I had free time.  I had time where I could get something done around the house, but I really felt like exercising.  My kids took the car to school today and I got lots done, but I did not exercise and I was itching to do something.   Since the Y is only about 5 minutes from my house, and I had nothing urgent to attend to, I went after dinner and got on the arc trainer.

It didn’t take long before I was in the zone, music pumping on my Pandora “Titanium” station.

The past couple of weeks have brought about some changes for the better in my world.  They’ve brought more moments of soul searching and learning from the recent past about why I am where I am and what I need to do for my future. 

And today as I pushed along on the arc trainer I felt a renewed sense of hope.  I felt strong.  I felt like I used to feel when I would go to the gym to exercise in the past.  

It was such a good feeling.  Determination and hope pulsed through my veins.  

I felt freed by the knowledge that where others I know are in their journeys doesn’t dictate where I need to be; that their stories are not mine.  I’ll expound with more on that subject later, but today I came to a realization that I not only need to take care of my health I want to take care of my health. 

Finding the “why” and the “want to” are HUGE in a health journey and I think I’m finding mine again.  Glory!  

This post is about 2-3 weeks late, but I have a few minutes while dinner is cooking and….

I want to say a BIG THANK YOU to everyone for their support on my last post about being okay with where I am in my life right now.  

It was super humbling to admit publicly I’m having a hard time with this move, but it was also so very freeing.  

Admitting this hasn’t been my best transition allowed me to also admit that I’ve been struggling emotionally, which always leads to weight struggles — or so I’ve learned over the last seven years I’ve been seriously working on this new ending in life. 

So, thank you.  I really didn’t expect anything less from the few of you who comment on here and support me it continues to bless me that you take the time to reach out with words of encouragement.  

I’m doing well as far as settling in some more.  

The weight is another issues.  I’m holding steady (read: not gaining anymore) and I’m faithfully attending BodyPump three times a week.  Getting in other exercise throughout the week is more hit or miss.  

My husband and I were attending spin every Thursday evening together, but he has started work at a new office and lots of paperwork has kept him late some evening.  Unfortunately for our exercise class, Thursday are an otherwise free night, so he’s been doing paperwork then.  It’s settling down for him and maybe we’ll start up again.  

In the meantime, I’m getting my head wrapped around some health stuff and I just keep reminding myself not to give up.  I won’t.  I can’t. 

Oh, and the Etsy shop is doing fine.  It’s not too busy, which is fine for my schedule.  The last week or two I’ve been busy purchasing fabrics for new items and now I’ve got some stock made up and they are listed in my shop.  It’s fun for me to get to craft and get paid for it. 🙂

Thanks for stopping by!  I have more to say, but dinner is done and I need to get going.

Hopefully you’ve read the post below about how I had a moment this week in which I was very honest and found myself feeling more free than I have in a long time.  

Here’s the story and then, if you have time, I’ll expound on the profound impact it had on my current mental, emotional and physical state.  

My husband (a dentist) has just made a somewhat unexpected job change.  It’s for the best, and anyone who knows who he was working for has agreed that it’s a good thing he left that office.  Since his new job will be farther away he wanted to let the orthodontist know he could no longer refer patients to her.  So, we took an afternoon and went to her office to explain the change.  

We went to lunch and in the course of conversation she asked if his new job meant we had to move.  He replied no, and then commented, “Well, my wife would like to move.” and grinned at me.  

Of course, I quickly exclaimed, “Oh, I like it here fine.  It’s fine.  There’s a lot to offer and it will be good.”  or something else to “right” the moving comment and let this doctor know I wasn’t complaining about our current situation.  

Lunch went on, but that two minutes of the conversation stuck with me.  

As we were driving home I casually mentioned to my husband that I was embarrassed at the “My wife would like to move.” comment.  I explained I didn’t want to be the complaining wife, etc. etc.  

**pay attention now**

He just patted my knee and said it was okay. 

Okay?  

As in, you’re okay with the fact that I’m having a harder time getting used to this change in our original what-we’re-doing-after-I-get-out-of-the-Navy plans (even though we’ve lived here going on seven months now I thought to myself??)? 

He just nodded.  

I asked again, “It’s okay if I just say, ‘I’m getting used to it?  Arlington is nice.’  Because I don’t not-like it here.  It is nice and I love all that this area has to offer.” 

Again he nodded, adding that he knew it was hard and especially with a job situation that turned out not to be the success we thought it would be.

And I began to get all choked up, because I realized I had just been honest not only with him, but more importantly with myself.  

I honestly am having a hard time here.  I loved Oklahoma and was really looking forward to going back there.  When I found out we would be moving to Texas I was very upset, but I understood the reasons and knew there was a greater plan that I needed to support.  Plus, we are only 3.5 hours away from where we originally wanted to be, so I could visit friends much more regularly than before. 

And, as is most often the case, my inner people-pleasing, perfectionist, obedient first-child self who prefers smoothing everything over than be rejected made herself get right in and settle down and accept this change with a smile plastered on her face. 

But for the first time in our 20 years of marriage I wasn’t okay with a move.  I wasn’t okay with the change to the plans.  I was okay with supporting them, but just not handling it well.

And when I allowed myself to be un-okay with it and to be honest with not only my husband, but anyone else who might ask, and not worry I would be rejected for not going with the flow, well… I.  FELT. FREE.

Soon I plan on telling my husband just how much his acceptance of where I am at helped me.  He’s not the highly emotional one and being this open and honest about things is not something we are really used to doing.  I mean we are always honest with each other and discuss decisions that need to be made, but we both kind of pride ourselves on just dealing with life and not complaining.  

Well, ever since that five minutes of conversation in the car I’ve feel free and it’s like things began to connect.  

I haven’t blogged as much lately not only because I’ve felt like a horrible example, but because I just haven’t felt the same.  My daily schedule is fairly similar to that of our schedule in North Carolina, but I’ve just felt like it’s all so much different at times. 

I’ve spent many moments wondering  how to get back to what had become my new normal of health and fitness.  I’ve struggled with wanting to eat better, but also not cared a lot of the time.  Getting our membership to the YMCA has helped immensely and I’ve loved my BodyPump and spin classes.  

But I’ve still struggled and when my husband verbalized it’s okay to be struggling I suddenly realized that’s what has been wrong these past months.  

Just maybe I was turning to food a lot because of the unsettling I was feeling, or the unsettling I wasn’t allowing myself to feel.  

But now I’m allowing myself to feel unsettled.  I’m allowing myself to mourn the change in plans, to miss our friends and the area we fell in love with and in doing so I think it will allow me to move forward in this new hometown. 

Like I said in Part 1:   Happy Life = Healthy Life

Not that I am always happy, but knowing it’s okay to be sad makes me happy.  As ironic as that sounds.  🙂 

Funny thing is my husband has gained weight as well and a few weeks ago I blurted out, “I need to put US on a diet!!” to which he replied, “No, I just need to exercise and get a new job.”  

I had to agree, because we had both noticed how this unhealthy work situation was taking a toll on him and bleeding out into other areas of our life.

Well, he has the new job and we’ve been exercising.  Now that I’ve had this major emotional breakthrough maybe we can really begin to settle and get our health back in a good place.  

*sigh*  Life.  It happens and it’s okay.  

I am who I am and while I won’t allow myself to use this mourning of sorts to be an excuse to give up or quit on my health I can allow myself to feel it and then move on.  

Thank you for checking in!  I’m feeling confident that I’ll be more comfortable blogging about the positive things I am doing instead of holding back because of the not-so-positive things I’m eating doing. 

Have a good weekend!

Hi!  I’m alive….and I’m trying to figure out how to summarize where I’m at.  

First, the Etsy shop is off to a good start.  I’ve only had a few orders, but they were pleased with their purchase and left nice reviews.  Yay!  I have a product in mind I want to sell, but it requires me learning more hand lettering.  I got a set of brush pens for Christmas and my new Rhodia dot pad will arrive today, so the practicing shall commence.  It may take months before this new idea actually becomes public, but I’m determined to give it a go as it will go right along with the Midoris I’m selling.  Whee!  

This is what happens when you have kids going off to college and you begin to realize your days and duties are drastically changing from what they were for the last 18 years.  It’s fun, scary, exciting and sometimes daunting depending on what day or hour it is.  🙂

But back to my health…

I’ve known I’ve slacked on blogging, but I’ve also known it’s hard to blog when I’m not being the best example of getting back on track with my health since gaining 30+ pounds back.  

But then this past Wednesday happened and then this morning happened and suddenly I feel free and better emotionally than I have in a while.  At the same time, I could’ve had a good cry today, but that’s all part of what was so freeing.

I could cry and accept where I’m at right now AND. BE. OKAY.WITH. IT. 

I allowed myself to be okay with the fact that I’m struggling about some things;  that I haven’t got it all figured out by now.  

We’ve all heard “Honesty is the best policy.” and this week I experienced something that proved it absolutely true for me.  

The perfectionist, first-born personality of mine would like to say I’ve gone along with change and handled it fine, but the fact is I haven’t.  And when I was able to be honest about that and accept that it was okay to be un-okay with it all…well, I suddenly found myself okay with where I’m at in my weight as well.  

Imagine that.  Life Okay = Health Okay  [insert rolling eyes] 🙂

So, if you want to read more details look up for Part 2 of Freedom in Honesty.  It’s personal, but it’s real and if nothing else I’ve always wanted to be real with you.  

Thanks for stopping by!

Hello!  I promise I’m alive and I haven’t gone and quit and gained ten more pounds.  

I’ve just been a little busy with a new venture….

Last Friday I opened my first Etsy shop!

DentalFlossLane is now open for business selling fabric Midori-style traveler’s notebooks.  

I fell in love with these about a year ago, made a few for friends over the past year and decided to try selling them. 

I will have a post up on the shop’s blog (DentalFlossLane.com) explaining what a Midori is by the end of this week.  

If you’re into planners, journaling, traveling, etc. you’d really like one of these traveler’s notebooks.  The inserts are interchangeable, so you are limited to using it for one year, occasion etc, but can take out the old inserts and put new ones in as needed. 

Anyway, that’s for the descriptive post I am writing…  🙂 

As far as my health, I have not lost any weight, but I have kept up on going to BodyPump classes 3 times a week and a spin class 1 day a week.  

Eating has been so-so.  I have good days/hours and then not-so-good days/hours, which is why the lack of loss. 

Monday I had a revelation of an old habit that has snuck back in; something I haven’t experienced since before I started losing weight in 2009.  Having this habit brought to my attention by something I read has been helpful in me getting back on track.  Someday I will explain. 

I think of many of you often…especially when I’m feeling so silly lifting my light weights in BodyPump and I know you would all encourage me to simply keep going.  🙂

I hope you are well.  I am well.  I am keeping busy and working more on keeping busy with my family and shop and not with browsing the pantry. 

Thanks for stopping by! 

p.s.  Thank you Jodie for checking in on me last week.  (hug)

I had every intention of getting this post up on Saturday and then *BAM* allergy attack from hell.  So weird and so frustrating….but … let’s get on with things. 

Today’s Weight:  194.0 

Loss/Gain:  +/- 0

I’m good with that. The week wasn’t as on-plan as I would’ve liked, and I originally thought I was up a pound, but when I looked at my previous weight I saw that I maintained.  Woot!  

This week I did get back to good, regular exercise and it felt good.  

I went to Cycle Class on Thursday and Saturday and remembered how much I love that class.  

It looks like BodyPump and Cycle will be the classes I can fit in my week, and then I’ll simply get to the gym to use the Arc Trainer or walk/jog on a treadmill if nothing else. I’m still figuring out how much I can push myself in BodyPump and the Cycle class to make it through the class and still be able to walk for the next 24 hours.  🙂 

So, onward I go.  I took a recent picture with some friends after lunch on Friday and realized again how I need to get my health back on track.  I’m not all about doing this for the looks, but just like it was hard to imagine myself as small as I had gotten it’s easy to not realize how big I’ve gotten as well.  

Photos don’t lie and they are good reminders of where we are at.  🙂