My New Ending

Today’s Weight: 185 . 5

Loss/Gain: 0

Yes, zero, zip, zilch.

Considering that a week ago I wanted to quit this weight loss thing entirely, was sick of being a person who has to consider what she eats and how much she exercises and was basically only hanging on by a thread of desire somewhere deep within to press forward no matter what…I’m okay with this maintain.

It doesn’t help my Hot 100 Challenge, except that I’m not back where I started. But I’ve really been working through some non-weight related issues lately and it stresses me out at times. I can see how it is affecting my weight loss journey and I’m working things out.

In the meantime, I’m plugging on ahead. I keep posting my exercise as I complete it and I’ve begun using My Fitness Pal online to track my food since I managed to kill my iPod touch earlier this week (yea, I’ll have to journal about that later…it’s funny in a small way…) .

Just please know I haven’t given up. TOM has come and I think PMS is tapering off now because I’m eating better and not feeling quite as snacky as earlier in the week/end of last week.

In the meantime, for the record…

Just in case you ever wonder what I do when I’m not being a wife, mother, blogger, exerciser…

Here’s a few things I like to do in my spare time:

• Make felt ornament crafts – usually around the holidays. I made this pumpkin one for a friend of mine that does not live in the south. I’ve seen that phrase and thought it’d be a cute “touch of the south” gift for her. All done by hand.

• Try new recipes. Like Lori’s pumpkin custard oats, which were delicious..though I had to add more splenda to sweeten it up for me.

• Create digital scrapped creations like this cutie owl card I made today for fun…and because I have recently purchased two adorable owls for my house and was in the mood to be creative.

• Oh, and shop, of course, especially when I have gift cards from my birthday (in July) like the one I was able to use today at Pier 1 to buy this adorable little owl. We’ve named her “Miss Picket” since her apron (I’m also in love with aprons) looks a little like a picket fence

“You can move the big one to the 200.”

I no sooner thought this, and began to say it, when I caught myself. I don’t weigh 200 anything and I haven’t in over a year.

Isn’t that interesting? My instinct was to think I was large, but then I realized I’m not that big anymore.

It was a very small, yet great big wonderful feeling. Somehow I felt thin, or thinner at least. Because I wasn’t even close to 200.

Even better was seeing that my weight at the doctor’s office in the middle of the afternoon was a clean 186 . 0 lbs. I seriously expected it to be a lot more than my home scale and it wasn’t at all. whew!

Anyway, I thought that was an interesting reaction to the scale after all this time. G’nite!

Most of you know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. In times past I’ve donated to co-workers doing the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, or clicked on a blog button like Lori has to support free mammograms, but otherwise I’ve never given it much thought.

Until last year.

Last year my mother went through her own fight with breast cancer and I was suddenly faced with the realities of what a diagnosis like that can do to a person and family.

Thankfully, my mother is now a breast cancer survivor and still with us today. I’ve asked her to share a few words with you about her story. I’m very proud of how she fought and thankful to the Lord that she made it through safe and sound.

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in April of 2010. This came as quite a shock as it must have to many others with the same diagnosis. I had some pain in my breast since Sept. of ’09. The pain had gone away and there no lump that I could find. But, I did have a “dimple” on the bottom left side.

My husband was everything I’d hope he would be during a crisis! He picked up all the slack while keeping up at his job. He cooked, cleaned and bought the groceries. We were able to schedule most of the doctor visits so he could be there with me. We have been married 37 years and our marriage has been tested in all the vows now!

Today’s Weight: 185 . 5

Loss/Gain: + 1 . 5

All I can say is that letting myself go for an evening and one day was not conducive to staying on track the rest of the week. *sigh* Last Friday night I went out for a girls night and ate too much dessert. Then Saturday we went to a local pizza parlor to watch the OU vs TX game (Boomer Sooner!!) and though my husband shared some antipasto salad with me I also ate pizza, and crusts, and more crusts and more pizza.

Unfortunately, I planned thought I would get back on track the next day and chalk it up to one calorie-heavy 24 hours, but that didn’t happen.

Jodie asked earlier this week why we fail after success and I told her for me it’s over confidence in my abilities to stick with my plan. I should add that I think I have weight loss ADD – I don’t stay focused for long periods of time.

This is why I put myself in this challenge for the end of the year…to make myself stay focused for more than a day on my weight loss. I’ve now had one good week and one bad week…time to realize I really have to focus every meal. every day.

Lori also mentioned that losing the weight is only 1/4 of the battle – Oh my!! I’m in so much trouble if that’s the case… Just kidding, Lori…kind of. I think for me, it will be half, because I’m seeing what it requires to lose the weight and keeping it off will require continuing the healthy lifestyle. I seem to be able to maintain just fine this year though. *sigh*

I did exercise 3 days and am on my way to the gym this morning for the 4th this week, all 50-60 minutes of cardio, so that is good.

But needless to say, my challenge update isn’t positive this week:

1 pound down

19 pounds to go

11 weeks left…argh…

I’ve been working on designing our Christmas card. I love to do digital scrapbooking and realized I needed to get our card together.

I’d love to show you what I’ve come up with, because my 4th design (after making 5) is the one I think we’ve decided on….BUT…you’ll have to wait until Christmastime. 🙂 It’s nothing hugely spectacular, but I like it a lot and I’m excited!

Now I am going to go work on a shadow box/board for a wedding at our church this Sunday. It’s to welcome the guests and such – this is paper scrapping style. Whee!!

Today is going fine. I had major hair drama (highlights that looked more like bad bleach job ALL OVER) , but the nice people at Ulta fixed it at no charge (by adding in nice low lights) and so I’m very pleased with that. Now I can go on with my day in peace…. Thank you, Ulta!!

Oh, and spin class kicked my butt again today. Shortly after starting class I thought, “WHY DO I DO THIS?????” It’s hard. I do my best, and saw it already being better than the first class, and just plug my way through it. She changes things up enough that the time does eventually pass. It’s definitely the hardest thing I do in the week of workouts.

Anyway…back to my original question. If you have any ideas how to fix the commenting situation I’d appreciate it. I’ve had a friend tell me she can’t comment on my blog either, so it’s not just me.

Thanks!!

How to know you’ve eaten too much:

• Rarely felt hungry all weekend, after I started with salad and pizza for lunch on Saturday.
• Didn’t track food at all. Naughty. Naughty.
• And finally this morning I wasn’t even hungry for breakfast.

I had to make myself eat a Zone bar for breakfast just to make sure I ate something before working out, but I really didn’t feel hungry until after the workout.

However, today has been good so far, so yay for that! 🙂

Loss/Gain: – 2 . 5 lbs.

Okay…insert *sheepish grin* here. I guess the scale evened out after all.

Though I have to say that my cynical mind, and a bit of seeing how my body works, thinks that it would’ve been up a little had I done the step class yesterday instead of a good, long walk. I still think this is due to the muscles retaining water when I do heavier exercise.

But…I am very happy with this loss. It’s a good start to my end-of-the-year challenge and I know I worked hard for it.

Last night I took the kids for Subway and opted for a salad with dressing on the side (I used half the dressing). It was another moment of “Look ma! I’m doing this!” as I was very content with my meal and even more that it helped me stay within my calorie budget after having a large lunch.

This morning I met a friend to do walk/jog intervals at a nearby neighborhood walking path. She said it’s about 2 . 5 miles around, and I would’ve double checked but my garmin died about 2 minutes into it. *sigh*

Then I had to use the restroom from, oh..pretty much the beginning.

Folks, there is nothing that will ruin a workout more for me than the urge to pee. I will stop what I’m doing and go to the bathroom without giving another thought to time records, losing my place on a machine at the gym etc.. Unfortunately that wasn’t an option today.

So, needless to say having the urge to pee every time we’d run ruined the entire experience for me. Yes, seriously. I was so mad.

However, when we finished and she told me that we completed it in approximately 34 minutes…I was happy. While the last few running intervals were hard for me (and I had to pee worse than when we started, like seriously thought Depends might be my best option when running) I was pleased to hear her say, “That’s a pretty good time. My fastest is doing that in 32 minutes.”

And I wasn’t exhausted when it was over.

Anyway, I’m rambling now, so I should stop. I’m happy with the loss. I’m happy that I did the running. I’m happy that I have a toilet.. LOL and I’m happy that when I stopped at Starbucks on the way home to get some coffee I had this little conversation with myself:

“– oooh…a pumpkin something sounds good, or even a non-fat, sugar-free latte.

– No, I don’t really want that.

– We used to feel like we earned something special after a hard workout, or just on a bright sunny day like today when the birds are singing and it’s brisk and cool out.

– There might be cake at the birthday party tonight, or higher cal foods…so I don’t need anything “special” right now. Plus, we’re going to be eating out tomorrow while watching the game. and….I don’t really want it…just some food, which I can have at home.

And that is how I’m going to get these 20 pounds off. Have a great weekend!!