[Not] Good Enough

***Note:  Please see above post…I’ve changed my attitude, in that I AM good enough.  I’m just going to strive for better. *** Edited May 9,2013

I don’t have much time to write today, but I want to share a quick thought with regards to where I’m at right now in my weight loss journey.

Currently I’m down a total of 65 pounds.  I have gone from busting out of a 20W to wearing 14’s loosely.  I’m able to run for an hour without dreading it, and going for a long brisk walk is like an easy workout to me.  My losing has been slow, but I have not gained anything more than 3 pounds from my lowest recorded weight.
This is all good, even great progress and I’m very proud of how far I’ve come.

I know that I could settle here as well.  For a lady who has not been able to stay this close to a healthy weight for more than a year in the 18 years she’s been an adult I’m doing awesome to maintain between 164-168 like I have been the past six months.

But while this is good it’s not good enough for me.

If I was eating great and do everything I could I’d seriously consider settling at this weight, but I’m not.   Settling where I am would be easy, but it would not be my best effort.

Yes, I have considered upping my goal weight from 140 to 150 lbs.  In fact, lately I’m thinking I’d just like to be comfortable in a size 12.  I think I’d be okay with that, but even 150 is another 15 pounds away.

I have been struggling again with overeating and snacking too much and too often.  Not often enough to cause large weight gains, and thankfully I seem to reign it in the next day/meal most times, but it’s been a tad frustrating.  I’ve even had to remind myself a few times lately that food is not the answer.

Yes, no one would blame me if I settled where I’m at, but I know I’ll never be content if I haven’t done my best.

Good is fine, but best is better and I refuse to quit or give up hope of losing more weight until I’ve truly given it my all.  I will not settle for a half victory in my relationship to food.

So, that in a nutshell is where I’m at.  Thanks for stopping by!

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I Was Selfish Today

Hello!
Even though the new class I want to take on Mondays just about killed my legs last week I decided I would go again this week.  I figured I’d go, take it slightly easier (if possible) and then see how I felt.  I was excited and it worked well with my plan for exercise during a busy week of revival services on top of finishing details for a Mother’s Day Brunch I’m in charge of Saturday. 
Then last night after I parked my car in our garage we hear a loud noise and see that this has just happened: 
We just had a new garage door opener motor put in this past Friday morning.  So, I knew I’d have to call the property management and tell them something else broke.  I knew they’d send the guy out first thing in the morning. 
Which meant I might not be able to go to my exercise class. 
**Drooping shoulders.  Frowning face.  Furrowed eyebrows.** 
I could run later in the day, but I wanted to do my class. 
I want to stick with my good cross training class!! I have plans people!!  Plus..What if I don’t show up and they think it was too hard for me?!?!  I can’t let them think it was too much!! 
I knew they can send the garage door guy with a key to fix it.  Then my sister-in-law said she didn’t have to work, so she could be home when he came.
So, I thought about it for, oh a few minutes and decided to be selfish. 
I used the car my sister-in-law is driving, which we luckily had left parked out in the driveway, and went to the class.  
Part of me wanted to be at the house, but more of me decided since I had a way to leave the house I was going to.  If I’m going to stick to my exercise plans I’ve got to try and work other things around my workout time.  That means sometimes I have to be selfish, in a good way. 
By the way…The class went great!!!  My legs are not completely dead today.  It was the same class, but I took things a little easier.  I think I could’ve pushed a tad harder, but I’ll save that for after my 10K. I just needed a good cross training workout with some strength and cardio and that’s exactly what I got.  It was great! 
Also, the lady that gave me the high five last week chatted with me a few minutes today.  She’s so kind and such a great cheerleader.  I love meeting people like that at the gym.  
So, I was bit selfish, but it was worth it.  *contented sigh*
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Weigh-In … Staying Accountable

Today’s Weight:  167.5
Loss/Gain: + 3
So, remember last week I said I didn’t think I really deserved the 2.5 pound loss?  Well, it’s because the day before, and the few times I checked during the week, I was 167/167.5.  I’m not trying to justify this gain, but this week I just tried to not overdo it too many times and wasn’t surprised when I saw this number on the scale.  I feel more like I’ve been holding steady versus had a horrible weight gain week.
Yesterday I told my mom that I almost thought about not posting my weight today and being like, “I’ll post my weight again when I’m lower.” But I know that if I quit posting my weight weekly it could lead to not caring about my health.  Just like baby steps forward helps us lose weight, baby steps backwards can lead to weight gain.  If I do nothing else but blog my weight weekly that helps me stay accountable. 
So, I know what needs to happen to keep losing.  I’ve honestly had a few days this week where I felt like I’m good with where I’m at, but then I really think about it and I think I need to get at least another ten pounds off before I start settling.  
Funny thing is I actually decided this week to make exercise a priority again, even though I’m wrapping up a second big project in my life, and then I took the class from hell on Monday and…yesterday was the first day I could walk up the stairs normally.  LOL  Um, yes, it’s been that bad.  I went running Tuesday, and was proud of getting through a 3.75 mile run even though I felt my muscles jolt with every step, but I couldn’t walk up stairs or sit without pain until yesterday.  
I ended up not taking the other class Wednesday because I wanted to recover.  Then yesterday when I went out to walk it was raining.  I was so vexed I came in and got on with my day.  I am going to take that class again on Monday, but maybe ask the teacher how I can challenge myself without debilitating myself.  If that’s possible.  LOL  All I know is I won’t mind pushing through that pain if it will make me stronger, but I will not take that class the week of my 10K (May 18th), because I do not want to run 6.2 miles on painful legs.  
Anyway, having not posted since Monday my mind is full of things to say, but this post is getting long enough already.  Suffice it to say I am hanging in there.  I’ve decided this week I am setting the goal to track my food.  I have not been doing that for the past few weeks and I think tracking food (for me) is right up there with blogging.  It helps me stay accountable to my actions, whether good or bad.  
So, here’s to keeping on.  Thanks again for checking in on me.   Have a great weekend!
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Motivational Monday – They Finished With Me

This morning I took a class at the gym.  I haven’t been to the gym in months and it felt like going home for a visit when I walked in.  ahh… home.  LOL  Okay, maybe not quite the same, but as I went to use the restroom I was like, “Now, why did I quit coming here??”  
My life has been busy I know, but I’ve decided I need to do some cross training that will help strengthen my core and get me stronger for running.  So, I will be taking at least two classes at the gym each week that consist of lots of core and strength intervals.  
Today was one of the classes.  It’s called “Total Athletic Conditioning” and the workout went like this: 
Warm up on spin bike
Side squats with barbell – 15 each side
“Curtsey” squats with barbell – 15 each side
Kettlebell swing, alternating hands – 15 total
Kettlebell “wood chop” with both hands – 15 
1 mile sprint ride on bike (fast speed, less than 2 mins)
15 pushups, any style
30 crunches
90 seconds on bike at high intensity a.k.a. “hill climb” 
Repeat the above for like 20 minutes and see how many sets you can do.  
Then…
1 mile sprint on bike 
bicep curl with barbell – 12
overhead press with barbell – 12
back row with barbell – 12 
burpees, with pushup when down – 5
30 crunches
30 count plank, any style
90 second hill climb on bike
Repeat THAT until she says stop, about 20 minutes
IT’S TOUGH.
I wanted tough, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be.  I didn’t realize how not-in-shape I am.  Lordy. 
It wasn’t long before I realized I was slower than most, and by the end of the first half of the workout I knew I was in last place.  The only lady that was near me was someone I’ve seen around for a long time and come to find out she is recovering from a back injury.  Um, yea…great. 
The trainer is great, but she is one tough cookie.  The girl is beast (as my kids would say) and she said a couple of times, “Push yourself, it’s not good enough to think ‘well, at least I showed up’, you need to PUSH.”  I was like, “um, actually…it is good enough for me.”  LOL  But I did my best, as embarrassed as I was that I was falling farther and farther behind.  But I did decide I was going to do MY best and not worry about what others were doing.  It was obvious many of them take this class regularly and were very fit.  So, I just kept trying to ignore when I was the only one doing a certain move, and just kept going.
Then this happened and I was so humbled and grateful and … well..I cried for a second. 
As we’re finishing up the second half of the workout I hear the trainer say that in a couple minutes she’s  wants everyone to finish up with a one mile sprint and then she’s going to start some 10 second sprints on the bike for everyone to do while people are finishing up that mile.  She says she knows classtime is about up, but she wants us to finish the last set and “the pregnant class can wait a couple minutes”.  
Soon, I hear her starting the 10 second sprints and I begin to realize everyone IS done, or close to it, and I’m the slow poke.  The first half I only got 2 1/2 sets in when she called time, so I figured I’d do about the same.  
Oh no.  I suddenly hear her say, “Who still has to finish their mile?” 
I knew I was the only one as I inched my hand up until she noticed it.  I was in the middle of the room, directly in front of her.  She asked how far I had to go and I held up 5 fingers for 0.5 mile.  
So, she tells everyone, “We’re going to finish with her.  Only half a mile… SPRINT!”
I am busting my butt trying to finish up and about to die because now everyone has to wait on me and we’ve already run over the 45-minute class period.  She counts down with me and I’m keeping pace with her for that 0.5 mile finish (for those that know spin I was doing 120 rpm’s).  
I. WAS. DYING. 
When I finished the entire room clapped and one veteran gym lady, who helps at a lot of the races, came over and high-fived me and told me “GOOD JOB!!!”.  I had pulled my towel up to cover my face, both to wipe sweat and because I was in tears.  Well, I wanted to cry, but I was trying to catch my breath.  
I thanked the high-fiving lady and we all rushed to put everything away so the next class could come in.  A handful of people congratulated me and I was so embarrassed, but also so touched that they would finish with me.  I hear the trainer say over the mic that she couldn’t have lived with herself the rest of today knowing she made someone leave their workout undone.   
Wow.  *sniff*
My legs were so like Jell-O that I could barely walk normal out of the class room to stretch.  As I was stretching one lady chatted with me for a minute and I told her I was embarrassed they all waited for me.  She reassured me that they enjoyed the ride on the bike and no big deal.  
Amazing.  These people don’t know me.  I’ve been going to this gym off and on for almost two years, but this was my first time in the class and they helped me finish strong.  As I walked in the pouring rain to my car (I couldn’t even run, because I still had Jell-O legs) I thought, “Well, this is a good start and someday hopefully we’ll talk about the day I held everyone up and compare to how much better I’ve gotten.”  
Oh, and for the record…. I didn’t mind being last (well, until I realized she wasn’t letting the class stop til I was done.) because I know there were two ladies in the back of the class that weren’t doing the leg exercises with full range of motion.  Their squats and burpees were very almost non-existent, whereas I was trying to still complete the full range of motion even if it meant I was slower.  So there. 
Oh…And … burpees. are. hard.  Really hard.  And I always wonder if they are really necessary.  LOL 
I hope you enjoyed my story.  This was one of those moments I wanted written down to look back on later.  And maybe some of those ladies were vexed to have to wait, but I know I’ll always be grateful for it.  They not only helped me finish strong, but they helped motivate me to want to get stronger so I’m not holding up the class all the time.  🙂
Have a good week everyone!
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Weigh-In … Non-Scale Success

Today’s Weight:  164.5
Loss/Gain: – 2.5 
Well, technically this is one of those “What?!” losses.  I took a double look at the scale, because I don’t feel like I’ve worked really hard to lose this week, BUT … I have been careful.  So, I guess it could happen.  🙂
A huge NSV last Sunday was we went to a buffet for lunch and I only ate until satisfied.  That is always a huge accomplishment for me.  
Also, without knowing it a friend called me for encouragement the other day with regards to weight loss and after talking to her I decided to change my plans for stopping for cheap hamburgers at McDonalds and we got Subway for dinner instead.  I ended up having enough points on my Subway card to save $10 on our sandwiches-only order.  Score!  (both in cost and health)
The main reason I don’t feel like I worked so hard at this loss is yesterday was very busy and I didn’t eat much at any one sitting.  But when I did eat I was careful about my choices.  
I’ve been choosing cheese and fruit instead of cookies for snacks again.  (Um, yea…guess who is visiting?? Yep, TOM.  It explains why last week I didn’t want anything healthy..just sugar..*rolling eyes*)  

So, of course I’m happy to see the lower number on the scale this morning, but more than that I feel this week has been successful due to picking healthier options/portions more times than not.  
Have a great weekend!
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Oh, the plans!

Once again Thursday has rolled around and I realize I have not posted anything since my last weigh-in.  It has still been pretty busy around here.  The second major project I’m working on, actually in charge of, takes place in just over two weeks.

Okay…it’s no huge secret.  I’m putting on a Mother’s Day Brunch at our church for all ladies and “daughter’s ages 6 and up”.  It’s a lot of fun, but takes months of planning and then I tend to procrastinate and have lots of little embellishments to finish up, while also taking care of myself and my family.

So, as soon as that is done I think my stress level will lower a LOT.

I think… LOL

In the meantime, I’ve been flipping through these books as I wait in the car for my kids to get out of school

 because I’m getting excited about my summertime plans…the plans that come after finishing my 3rd 10K in May.

I’m already putting into place how I am going to train and prepare myself both physically and mentally to complete my first half marathon in September.  I’m so excited about this!  I’m NOT excited about getting up early to run before the heat and humidity take over, but I am very excited about seeing if I can do this.

I’m chomping at the bit to get started, but moreso because I know when I start training for my half marathon that will mean the brunch is done.  LOL !!!!

So, I’ll be back tomorrow with a weigh-in, but now you know I’m still here, still thinking healthy thoughts and still with lots to say — just not so much time to say it in.  : )

See you tomorrow.

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Weigh-In … Holding Steady

Today’s Weight:  167.0
Loss/Gain: 0
This week I have been wrapping up one of two major projects I have on my plate, so I am happy to see I’ve maintained.  Considering I also had some car issues to take care of, busy family life and some overeating I did the past week — on top of finishing up this project — I feel I’ve succeeded and I am looking forward to an even better week next week.  
Have a nice weekend!
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My Biggest Struggle

So…last night was not so good for me.  It wasn’t horrible, but I was eating too many M&Ms and had potato chips twice yesterday.  I kept thinking, “You know what?  I’m just going to stay here at my weight.  I’m never going to be like those ladies who eat healthy and well enough to stay at a thin size.”  
One common thread in the AIMS post this month I noticed is how clean and healthy they eat, pretty much all. of. the. time.  
And my biggest struggle as I’ve been in the last third of my weight loss goals is that I’ll never  be like that.  I still like to eat too much junk too often.  I enjoy healthier stuff, but I don’t reach for it naturally and I haven’t gotten the pattern set in my life where I eat it because it’s best for me, more than a couple days a week.  
I find this embarrassing, but it’s been my hugest struggle.  I have friends who eat cleaner because they know it’s best for them, even if they don’t always want to.  Not me, and last night I had another bout of “I’ll never be like that…sigh…so I think I’ll just stay comfortable where I’m at”
But, as is mostly always the case… I knew I didn’t really mean it.  And I went to bed. 
I woke up a little tired and didn’t feel a whole lot better.  After getting the kids off to school, reading my devotional and praying I looked up my health board on Pinterest and reminded myself…
I also did a search on “don’t give up” and found this: 
Which reminded me of a great quote I found a couple months ago: 
So, I’m not quitting.  I know I feel better when I eat better.  I know I can do this.  I know I have a couple tops that are still too snug, so I HAVE to get into them.  🙂  
And after going for a quick 3 mile run I am refreshed and I know…
It’s not over, because I won’t give up.
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Wise Words from Cammy

Maybe because it’s Friday, maybe because this is so true…but after reading the AIM’s posts for April this morning I just had to make up this little quote fun out of a truth Cammy shared in her post to share on my Instagram account.

Of course, I couldn’t resist sharing it with all of you too.  🙂

Note:  This was made using the Jusgramm app and the file was saved as a jpeg image using Photoshop Elements…yea..I’ll get to my housework soon enough.  😛

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Weigh-In … Signed Up

Today’s Weight:  167.0
Loss/Gain: -2.0 (this week)
I didn’t post last week, but I was up 5 lbs from our trip, so technically I’m down 2.  I’ll take it and smile!  
This week I’m pleased to share two things: 

  • I ran my fastest 5K the other day… 3.10 in 32:38  and it was warm and sunny out!!  
  • I signed up for my 10K race in May – 8th Annual Run for the Warriors.

Due to some hectic, rather stressful times over the last month or so I have not been following the 10K training plan I adopted for myself at the beginning of the year.  HOWEVER, I have been getting back into running and know that I will be fine.  
Yesterday I ran for 4 miles and made it in just under 44 minutes.  If I can run this 10K with an average pace of 11:00 minute miles or less I will be content.  
So, now on to another week and time for me to get going so I can get my housecleaning done today.  Have a good weekend and thanks again for checking in! 
p.s.  I forgot to share this sweetness… my husband said he is has begun running again, but taking it easy so he won’t be injured and can run a 10K with me in the future.  He had pushed to hard in the recent past and had major issues with shin splits and plantar fasciitis.  Awww… he’s planning to run with me… he’ll always be faster than me, but I love being able to do a race with him!  XO
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