Embarrassed, But Fighting

I didn’t wax poetic after my weigh-in on Friday because I really feel I have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said; and then with the weight not coming off that’s proof I’m not doing what needs to be done to truly be on a “weight loss journey”.

There have been a few small changes in what I am keeping in the house, whole wheat bread, Cheerios instead of the high-sugar cereals, amongst a few things, but writing about that and receiving kudos for making good choices seems hypocritical when we’re also eating a freshly made “autumn cake” with homemade cream cheese frosting and bacon-wrapped hot dogs.
I’m tired of where I’m at and I know what needs to be done, but I’m figuring out if I think it’s worth the time and trouble.
That sounds like I’m giving up, but I’m not…I’m just deciding what I will be willing to do to reach my goal weight. Because the truth of the matter is I have to be willing to do it.
I want to lose the weight, I want to feel better, but obviously not enough to be willing to do what it takes.
Honestly, I’m embarrassed. It’s embarrassing to have a “weight-loss blog” that shows no weight lost so far this year. However, this is all part of my journey, my story, and I refuse to quit and give in to the I-love-food, so-I’ll-always-be-fat mindset.
Since I refuse to quit I’m reevaluating what needs to be done and working some things out. I’ll definitely be back to tell you about things as they occur. Just please know that I do not take lightly the fact that I’ve been maintaining for the last six months when I’m not close to a healthy weight. I have thoughts on one reason why I might be where I’m at, and I’ll write on that as time allows in my week.
In the meantime, thanks for bearing with me. I have to remember, this is MY new ending and a new ending takes a whole lot more work than sticking with the old comfortable one. For me anyway. Dang it.
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4 Responses to Embarrassed, But Fighting

  1. jessey says:

    I hear you (as I continue to gain and gain weight). 2011 hasn't been a good year overall but hopefully the last quarter can be better and here is to 2012 (and this by no ways means I am giving up until New Years)

    Like

  2. westwood says:

    Bacon-wrapped hot dogs? That just sounds kind of gross…

    Like

  3. Sharilee says:

    Leah, you have already inspired me immensely with what you have done so far. It is a VERY long journey and it sounds like you are tired.

    I admire that you have kept on writing even when things are not going well. I, on the other hand, dropped out of blogging for a year because I was so embarrassed by my bad choices.

    You'll make it. You're almost there, right?

    Like

  4. Only you can make this journey happen and be successful at it, it's the hardest thing in the world to admit your faults and wrongs with trying to lose weight and be healthy. So much of this is mental, your head has to be in the game 100%, like I told my sister the other day don't look at this as a diet or you will fail, diets are temporary, you need to make life style changes, make little changes as you go so it's more apt to sticking longterm. This isn't a race as long as you are aware you need to lose weight and will not give up on yourself then you will be successful. Take baby steps if your the type of person that doesn't commit to healthy habits for very long or you give up easily on it, that's how I use to be, granted I had gastric bypass but thats only a tool to help you, you still have to change your ways for it to work, I slowly week by week made positive, healthy changes in my life and in our lifestyle of what we eat and do, now it's become 2nd nature. I wish you nothing but hte best of luck!

    Like

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