Throwdown Challenge – Results

Posted on December 2, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding
As you can see I didn’t have the best week. Barb and I both had mixed emotions about our final weigh-ins. See her thoughts here.
Part of me feels glad that I am still under 190. I also know this was a sort of “vacation” week for me, a major eating holiday and TOM arrived.
However, [long pause] I am not content with the results of this challenge, and I know where I went wrong. Thanksgiving and TOM really didn’t affect my weight this week. By about Friday I was beyond the “I don’t care.” PMS munching. So, no excuses there.
Thanksgiving only affected it in that I didn’t stay out of the cheeseball and crackers in the two days following Thanksgiving, until it was gone. Same with some desserts. Even so, I didn’t eat a huge amount of food like usual at the meals, or even at dessert time. I was fine eating at the table. It was the snacking while standing in the kitchen that got me.
That same snacking and munching that happens during PMS weeks actually bothered me this week and I’d say, “Now, why’d you eat that, Leah??” Darn it. It’s also the same reason I chose not to journal, which is the other major reason for this gain.
No one wants to journal food they’ve been eating while standing, walking around, etc. because it’s usually hard to measure when it’s a bite here and a bite there. It’s also convicting to actually see in writing what’s been going into the mouth. So, to not journal it is to not have to face it. Or so I thought.
I sure faced it on the scale. I had to face that apparently I still need to journal my food to stay on track eating wise. If I don’t journal my food, then I need to be very careful about what’s going into my mouth and I’m not doing so well with that yet. So, journaling keeps me in check. Then, at least if I want to have something I’m forced to face it right then and decide if I really want it. Some times I do, but more and more I don’t want the snacky item when I realize what it’s going to cost me in calories.
Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling now. I just don’t feel like I can whine about this gain and say it was this great struggle to stay on track this week. I just didn’t care to stop myself. I didn’t want to lose weight more than I wanted to eat whatever I wanted, and I’m no longer content with that attitude in my life. It’s selfish and not healthy. So, while I wish I was beyond this issue with food, I’m not and I must face that I can’t get relaxed about my habits and see weight loss.
Finally, I’d like to thank Barb for this challenge. She really made me think, and honestly I wouldn’t have been too upset about the weigh-in if I hadn’t had to tell her. 🙂 Something about having to email her and then put on that scorecard the truth that my loss dropped to a measly two pounds for the month was hard for me. It was hard in a good way and I’m grateful to her for that.
So, thank you, Barb, and thank you everyone for checking in on us and our challenge. I leave you with another one of my favorite quotes:
“Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.”
(Anne of Green Gables)
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Getting Back in the Mood

Posted on December 1, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding
Happy December 1st!
I’m happy now anyway…. 😛

I wasted my morning creating blog backgrounds for this and my family blog. Creating didn’t take as long as uploading and getting them to work properly. argh…

I ended up rushing my lunch and then flying around the house getting chores done. I wasn’t going to exercise, but then I said to myself…
“Self, you need to do something. Yes, you wasted a morning and you are frustrated that you don’t have time to get to the gym. But you can pull out a dvd and exercise for 30 minutes. You’re committing to four days a week and this is only your second workout this week so far.”
So, I did.
My eating and exercising has been in “vacation mode” lately, which has a lot to do with Thanksgiving visitors and TOM, but today I decided it’s time to get back with the program. No complaining. I have been careful about my eats today, got that workout in and accepted the past week for what it is.
You’ll see on the left side of my blog a little holiday-flavored reminder to not give up. Yep, because I’m not giving up on my weight loss journey over the holidays. I’d say that if I maintain this month I’d be happy, but really I’m not sure if I’m ready to settle for that.
Tomorrow is the last day of our Throwdown Challenge, so check back and see if I managed to keep my lead or if Barb caught up to me. 🙂
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Too Much Coffee

Posted on December 1, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I had five cups of coffee today. Five.

I always start my day with a cup and then have my second cup somewhere around 2:00 in the afternoon. Rarely do I have any more than that. I have a little 4-cup pot, so those two cups a day are it. Lately I’ve really gotten to ordering hot tea if I stop at Starbucks at Target, but not today.
Today I was cold, so I had extra coffee at home. Then a friend stopped by for a cup and number four made it’s way down my throat. In the evening I had a cup – after 8:00 pm – while at a practice at our church. I think that was the final straw.
And five cups is why at midnight my mind is wired, but my body wants rest. This is not good. Not only have I had TONS of caffeine, but I am not going to get a full night’s rest.
Also, I’ve noticed that as my mind is racing it’s reminding me of how awful I feel during TOM and how I’ve munched again this week, and how I really, really need to get back on track to eating better. It’s been an off two weeks for me health wise, and a mind that has nothing better to do than think a lot late into the evening can come up with some scary thoughts that have to be put into submission.
Thus my blogging at midnight to remind myself…
Note to self: Get back to drinking the green tea after the morning coffee. Too much coffee is not good for you – physically or emotionally.
G’nite all!
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Visit With Mom

Posted on November 29, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Before I share a little of my visit with my mom, here’s an updated comparison of her.

My mom in March 2009 and then November 2010.
She began her journey a little over a year ago and hasn’t let the challenges of being diagnosed with Type II Diabetes and Breast Cancer last spring stop her from losing weight. She is truly inspirational!


Not only is she inspirational, but she continues to be helpful to me in my weight loss journey. My visit to see her a few weeks ago was proof of this.

My last visit to her house was very emotional for me. I was not careful about how I ate and it showed on the scale. This time I decided that I would ask her to help me eat like she does. She’s lost about 70 pounds over the last 15 months, and this time I wanted to glean from her.
I didn’t even have to ask for her help. She saw the challenge I was taking part in on my blog and emailed me before my arrival that she would help me stay on my challenge while visiting. She sure did. First, there was a fresh case of water…

Then she cooked for me, weight loss portions and healthy. We enjoyed a few treats, but in moderation. I was reminded of lessons about portions and balancing out a special treat with healthy eating in the day.
We even baked and decided to make weight-loss portion sizes of one of our favorite treats – Pumpkin Whoopie Pies. The “bigger” of the two shown below is still about a third of what we used to make and eat. wowsa! We took some of the cookies used for these sandwiches, cut them in half, spread a smaller amount of cream on them and then made ourselves even smaller treats. They were perfect for our healthier lifestyles!
I had a very nice time visiting my mom and even more, I enjoyed being on this weight loss journey with her. There was a time we used to eat and eat and eat, but not this time. We were able to enjoy a good visit and not have the focus be entirely on food. I even managed to lose 1.5 pounds that week. Glory!
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Thankful Days – Hope

Posted on November 27, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding


This morning I woke up and decided I had to carry on my thankful theme one more day to say I am thankful for hope.

hope (verb) : to expect with confidence
At my highest weight of 231 I felt hopeless. I had learned to love myself as I was, but was still gaining weight. My luck with dieting always lead to failure, so I had decided I was meant to be fat.
It wasn’t long after this picture that I realized I needed to love myself enough to take care of my health. There was a little something deep inside me that knew I had to be able to do something to stop the consistent weight gain in my life.
A few conversations with my husband and a dear friend later I decided to take the small steps necessary to lose weight and take care of my health. I read a few blogs, watched a few episodes of The Biggest Loser and small sparks of hope began to ignite the smallest chance of change in my life. Just maybe I would be able to conquer this demon of overeating.
As I began making small changes to my eating and began exercising regularly I saw weight begin coming off.

By Christmas 2009 I was down about twenty pounds and the spark of hope that I could lose weight had turned into a steadily flickering flame in my life. Exercise had become a regular habit and my eating habits were changing for the better.
It’s been another year and another twenty three pounds. With forty three pounds lost I’m almost halfway to my goal and I’m so thankful that hope prevails in my life. As we enter into the holiday season I am no longer hopeless about my weight and health. The thought of cooking and eating Thanksgiving dinner and baking for Christmas doesn’t scare me.
  • I know I will not eat everything I make.
  • I know that I will exercise.
  • I know that I can lose weight during the holidays.
I know I can accomplish these goals, because I am able to hope, or have the expectation with confidence, that I will reach my weight loss goals and gain control over my overeating instead of gaining more weight.
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Thankful Days & Hot 100 Update #9

Posted on November 26, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

This week hasn’t been the best for a challenge. As I posted yesterday, I am up half a pound. It’s been that week where as I reach to munch on something I think “I don’t care.” Some of the time I felt like I was watching myself from the outside and commenting, “This is so strange how you have control all the other weeks of the month, but this one week you don’t care and you aren’t even bothered by it…until bedtime.”
Yes, a few nights I was miserable at bedtime when I thought about what I’d eaten. The overeating always hit in the evenings, but I seriously didn’t care until later in the night. This is obviously going to be an issues I must deal with. And I will.
In the meantime, today I am thankful that for a PMS week my gain was only 0.5 and not any more. I’m thankful I was able to get a grip on my eating early enough so as to not see a huge gain.
Now on to my Hot 100 goals:

WEIGHT GOAL: Lose 0.5 – 1.5 lbs a week (Beginning weight 194.0). I am up 0.5 a pound this week, but I know I’m still within my range of where I should be for the challenge. So, yellow it is. I look forward to seeing a loss again next week. Have I mentioned that I can’t believe I’m in the 180’s??? It’s amazing to me. I

ACTIVITY GOALS:Exercise four days a week, no skimping down to three during the holidays. No. I have exercised only two days this week. Having company in from out of town has kept me busy. I’m okay with that choice.

Be able to jog at 4.8 mph for 25 minutes. This gives metime for slight warm up and cool down on the treadmill that has a 30-minute limit at the gym. I believe I’ll get there.

FOOD GOALS: Drink at least 64 oz of water daily.YES! I’ve been drinking anywhere from 64 – 96 oz. of water daily. It’s just been so easy. The only cold drinks I’ve had have been a few sips of my husband’s “real” Coke and one of my own…another sign of TOM coming, although it was not enjoyable beyond the first gulp or two. LOTS of water though, and coffee ( 1-2) cups a day and hot tea. 🙂 Journal all my eats and drinks and stay within my calorie goals daily, with the exception of one high-calorie day that I allow to throw things off a bit. No. I think I journaled one day. Honestly, I am going to get my book journal back out, and I didn’t journal some things because I was munching and knew I couldn’t keep track of how much. Sad, but true.

EMOTIONAL GOAL: **I’ve decided to make my emotional goal the goal of visiting one new blog each week. Connecting with others on this journey is the emotional support I need at this time. No.

HOLIDAY GOAL: Only one or two “foo-foo” coffee drinks from Starbucks the week I am visiting my mom in November. I will stick to regular coffee and cream the rest of the weeks. Done. Not even a skinny anything this week. 🙂

I hope you all have a nice weekend! My grandparents are in town until Monday and we are going to do some baking, maybe some crafting, some game playing and definitely some Christmas tree decorating. 🙂 It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

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Thankful Days – Throwdown Challenge

Posted on November 26, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

It is the end of Thanksgiving Day for us here in the United States. I’ve had a wonderful day of cooking, visiting, cleaning up and then relaxing with my family and visiting grandparents. It’s been quiet and cozy.

Since it is Thursday it is also my weigh-in day and I did indeed weigh myself. My munching, M&M crunching week resulted in a 0.5 pound gain. Being that I’ve been pretty PMS’y lately, I’m not surprised and I’m thankful I reigned in the craziness before it ended up being much, much more. I have been drinking TONS of water and I’m sure that helped.
Now on to my Thankful Thoughts for Thursday. (nice, huh .. LOL )
I want to take a minute to share my thankfulness for Barb for inviting me to be in this challenge with her. I was shocked she would ask me, and touched that she considered me a friend enough to ask me. I tend to freeze up during weight-loss challenges, but I figured I’d agree and, if nothing else, be a cheerleader for her to reach her goals. Now, three weeks into the month, I find myself actually losing weight and being in the lead. A small miracle considering my track record.
Joining Barb in this challenge has proven to be greatly motivating for me. Even this week of mindless eating was curbed in because I knew I had to weigh-in today. I’m grateful she asked, and I’m even more grateful that she hasn’t given up herself, even if her weeks haven’t been what she may have wanted.
We have one more week to go and I will not get lazy. She could still come from behind. 🙂
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Thankful Days – My Savior

Posted on November 24, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding


Today I would like to keep my post simple with this one undeniable truth. I am a born again Christian and I’m so very grateful for my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. That he would give his life for mine is awesome, in the truest sense of the word. That he would continue to work in my life after all these years is amazing to me.

When I gave my life to Jesus he not only forgave me of my sins, but he offered me joy and peace no matter what life throws my way. This includes struggles with weight.

Many times in this weight loss journey I have struggled with fears of failure, inadequacy and more, but He always sees me through. Sometimes it’s a sermon at church or a scripture in my daily Bible reading. Other times it’s words of wisdom and encouragement spoken in person or written on a blog.

No matter the venue God has ministered to me so many times in my weight loss journey that it wouldn’t be right to not give Him proper praise. The bondages I’ve had to food could not be broken without his help.

As I write I’m reminded of a favorite scripture of mine. …
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”. Psalm 37:4

One of my desires is to have control over food in my life. With God’s help I’m blessed to say I’m in the process of seeing that come to pass, and I’m so very, very thankful for that.

Happy

Thanksgiving!
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Thankful Days – Family & Friends

Posted on November 23, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding


Today I’m thankful for my family and friends who have loved me through thick and thin. Today I literally mean, whether I was physically “thick” or “thin”.

Growing up I have rare memories of being made fun of due to my weight, but I often noticed the difference between me and other girls and would be sad because of it. One place I never felt out of place due to my size was my home. It was made clear at home that I was loved for who I was, not what I looked like.
My mother also loved me enough not to let me eat anything and everything I wanted. Due to the fact that she would limit the amount of cookies I ate I was only a chubby child, never did I reach the obese range in my health. If I shared feelings about wanting to not be the chubby girl my mom would offer solutions to help me, but she never pushed the issue to the extent that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. It was a good balance.
As I grew up I used to wonder if any guys would ever like me. Hello, I knew they always liked my thin friends. I also knew that when I lost about 20 pounds doing Weight Watchers with my mom I suddenly got more attention. Thankfully, I wasn’t so boy crazy as to solely base my life on whether someone liked me, but I was a teenager with my own hopes and dreams of getting married some day.
When I met my husband and he finally told me he liked me I was in awe. I told him I was awed that he would like me when there were other thin and pretty girls at the conference we’d met at. Again, I fell in love with someone who didn’t base their approval or love of me on my weight. On our wedding day I was 5′ 4″ and about 170 pounds, and he made me feel like the queen.
Sadly enough, over the first year of our marriage I let my eating go out of control and gained the first 30 pounds that would take me away from 170 for years. I knew 170 was overweight, and I cried when I realized, somewhere near 200, I needed the “huge” size 20w jeans. Only one other time in all these years of being married have I reached 170 and had some control over my health. It was a glorious two years where I felt so much more alive, but you know what? My husband didn’t love me any more for getting thin. When I gained it all back, and more, he still loved me and told me how beautiful I was.
Through all of this I’ve also had good friends who have loved me no matter what my size. My friend, Stephanie, whom you all met a few months back, has been my friend the longest now and she’s always struggled with weight like I have. Though she kept much better reins on her health than I did as we became adults. Yet, though I got bigger in my 20’s and she slimmed up she never commented on it.
I have other friends who when shopping together they were kind enough to not say anything when I had to look in the larger sizes. When I was losing weight, they cheered me on. If I was gaining back the 10-20 I lost they kept their mouths shut. I was never treated any different based on my size. My friends have been amazingly supportive in my weight loss journey now as well.
Another amazingly supportive group of friends in my life is my blog friends. I want to take this minute to thank Diane at Fit to the Finish and Lori at Finding Radiance for their support. These two ladies have been kind enough to answer some questions in email for me. They’ve shared wisdom and offered support over the past year when I might’ve already given up on someone like me.
Along with Diane and Lori I’m also thankful for my blog “friends” and readers. I started to write this blog to journal my weight loss journey. I know that seeing into the hearts and minds of those dealing with weight issues is very helpful to me, so I when I started my own journey I decided I would use my love of writing to share my own struggles and victories. The fact that people comment and are so supportive has been the proverbial icing on the cake. I’m always so thankful for the support that comes through comments left on my posts.
This weight loss journey of mine has truly been the start of a new me. It’s not been easy, but the changes being made are deep. Ultimately, it’s been up to me to make it all work and to see the weight come off. Yet, through it all this kind of undertaking does require some love and support.
So, again, I’m very thankful today for all the love and support I’ve received from my family and friends. Yes, support and love even back when I was heavy, because had I not felt love and acceptance back then, who knows if I would’ve ever felt confident enough to start this journey at all.
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Thankful Days – Womanhood

Posted on November 22, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Short Story: I’m going to write each day this week about something I’m thankful for. Today’s choice is my monthly, but you’ll have to read below to find out why. Scan about one-third or halfway down… or even the ending if you’re really short on time. I understand. 🙂

Long Story:
Although Thanksgiving isn’t until Thursday I’m usually beginning to prepare for it today. The house is getting cleaned up for company, laundry gets caught up so we don’t have to be bothered when company is visiting and I’m making sure I’ve purchased everything for the Thanksgiving meal. Tuesday I’ll enjoy the arrival of company and begin some baking. Wednesday there’ll be a few more early cooking preparation, kids home and enjoying our company. Finally, Thursday will be the big day of cooking, visiting with family and enjoying some special foods that I only eat this one day a year.

This is one of my favorite holidays. First off, because I love to cook and set out that huge meal and watch others enjoy it. I’ve even learned how to enjoy it in moderation myself. I also love being reminded of all the things I’m blessed with in my life.
So, this week I will post each day about something I’m thankful for. I was beginning to get vexed the other day, but decided instead of stewing about things I can, or can not, control I will find the blessing in them.
My vexation began when I found myself mindlessly eating a few evenings. Each day I said I wouldn’t do it and then even just last night I did it again. I felt rather out of control, and while I know my “binges” now are nothing like what I used to eat before they are still not healthy or necessary.
Suddenly it dawned on me that this urge for sweets, then salty, then sweet again was the habit of PMS in my life. When I began getting upset over a few things that weren’t as big a deal as they seemed I took a look at the calendar.
Yep, I’ve a feeling I’m getting close to what we ladies delicately call “TOM” on our blogs – Time Of the Month. Joy. I envy those who have small, hardly noticeable monthlies, because mine comes in like a storm every month. I get very emotional, painful and lose most of my eating discipline (or so it seems) most every single time. [sigh]
But…today I’ve chosen to be thankful for this regular occurrence in my life.
I remember the arrival of my first “TOM”. One of the first thoughts that went through my head was “Now I can have babies!!!”. Yes, you can laugh, I’m laughing myself as I type. [giggle] I knew this necessary evil was required to fulfill my dreams of motherhood someday, so I was beyond thrilled when it finally arrived.
Well, my friends, God blessed me with three healthy, beautiful children within the first five years of my marriage.
My first pregnancy brought identical twin girls that were born completely healthy at 36 weeks. They were so healthy the pediatrician stood in the regular baby nursery while the nurse prepared beds for them. She was sure the preemies were going to the special care nursery that she had nothing ready and even argued with the doctor about where they needed to be. When he stood firm that there was no reason for them to go to special care we knew we’d been blessed with healthy babies.
Just under three years later a little boy joined our family. Again, perfectly healthy, and to my joy and surprise he nursed like a pro (this hadn’t gone so smoothly with the girls). I was also able to have a VBAC with him, which was a blessing to me.
All my babies were happy and healthy babies, and so far we’ve enjoyed almost 13 years with the girls and 10 with our son. God has been so good to us, and it all started with TOM.
So, today I’m grateful for womanhood, more specifically TOM. It’s not fun, and can be downright evil at times. I think it’s actually one of the biggest demons we women fight in the midst of a weight loss journey. Yet, had it never arrived in the first place, or if it didn’t work properly, I might not have been able to conceive and give birth to my three children. And they are a blessing I will never regret having in my life.
p.s. If you’d like to share something you’re thankful for, feel free. If you’d like the little button I made for these posts, leave me a comment with your email address and I’ll email it to you. I created it with a digital kit from Shabby Miss Jenn.
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