Not Grounded Enough?

Posted on April 7, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Okay, so last night I found myself in a situation that is not new to me lately. It’s one of the worst struggles that I rarely seem to overcome.

We were coming home from church and my friend who is visiting wanted a Coke. So, I mentioned maybe we could stop by McDonald’s. I knew my kids and husband would like something to eat, so it wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t hungry, so I figured on not getting anything for myself.
Even as we drove home I was thinking about how I wasn’t hungry and really didn’t need anything. A snack wrap didn’t even sound good….because I wasn’t hungry.
However, when I went to order I ordered myself a McDouble and a Diet Coke.
The struggle in my mind instantly was “It’s like vacation..and I’ll get back on track next week.”
To make a long story short, I ate my sandwich at home along with some of my daughter’s french fries. I wasn’t stuffed because I’d eaten a very light dinner, but I felt awful.
This morning in my bible reading I came across the scripture that goes like this:
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15

It’s exactly a struggle I’ve had before that I haven’t been able to break completely through yet. I know I’m not hungry, I don’t want to eat, but I find myself doing it out of old habits. It’s so very frustrating and something I know I need to gain victory over.

I almost wanted to cry with frustration last night, but I realized that tears weren’t going to change anything. I did decide that I would continue to be careful through the rest of the week and not throw it all just because of one bad decision.

As I finished with my bible reading today and was praying and pondering how to gain victory over this frustrating habit of mine I also finished up with reading the following:
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

I always come on here and say that I won’t give up, and I mean it every time. This is a life long, life changing journey – frustrations and all. With God’s help and some determination and hard work on my part I will overcome this old habit of mine. I will conquer.

Thanks for listening!
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Being Well Grounded

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

If you have a minute today I’d like to send you over to Diane’s blog at Fit to the Finish to read what she has to say about being well grounded in your healthiness journey and life. You can read it by clicking here.

I know for a fact that not being truly grounded in the new food choices or exercise routines I tried many times before is exactly why I didn’t reach a goal weight, or didn’t keep off the little weight I’d lose each time.
And while my journey is a slower one, I also know that getting my new exercise habits and healthier food habits cemented in my life now is why I continue to lose weight. It’s also why the weight I’ve lost so far has stayed off.
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5 . 0 Girl

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Monday I ran for the third time in the past week. It was easier than last week, but still hard. Getting started was rough, rougher than I remembered it being before this past week. I told myself that I could maybe walk after I reached a mile (12:00 mins), but then I told myself, “No, shoot for the entire two miles before you walk. You can walk after you’ve ran for two miles.”

So, I committed to that. I wouldn’t walk until I hit 2.0 miles.
It was still rough at times, and finally I had to remind myself, “Leah, you were getting to the point that running 2 miles at a 12:00 minute pace was doable, and almost enjoyable. In fact, you were starting to add one-minute intervals at 5.2 mph. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU ARE A 5.0 mph GIRL NOW.”
Yes, when I wanted to slow down my pace I had to remember that I’m not a 4.2 mph girl or a 4.8 mph girl, I am a 5 . 0 mph (12:00 min mile) girl now, and I can do this for two straight miles.
And I did.
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Weigh-In … Dang It, but I Won’t Give Up

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s Weight: 183 . 0

Loss/Gain: +1 . 5
Total Loss So Far: – 48 . 0 pounds
I knew this wasn’t a good week, and I wasn’t expecting a loss, but still the thought that went through my head when I saw the scale was, “Dang it!” I’m a tad frustrated, but more like…well, I can’t explain it. I’m not “I can’t do this!” blah, blah. Just…dang it!
Plus, whether I like it or not I have to admit that I am also still very much in need of certain things in my weight loss journey, namely tracking my food.
Last night we watched this week’s episode of The Biggest Loser and when two of the contestants chose not to use their trainer for the week I thought it was no big deal. When they didn’t do as well at the weigh-in and linked it directly to that choice of working out on their own I still wasn’t convinced it was due solely to the trainer not being with them all week.
Then I thought about my last two weeks. When I’m PMS’y I get that I-don’t-care attitude, but I usually still track for the most part. Also, I may not track that larger meal I allow each week, but I still keep up with everything else. These last two weeks I didn’t do that.
I haven’t tracked my food in almost two weeks, and whether I like it or not I apparently need to do that to help me stay focused on what’s going in my mouth. Apparently, I’m still not at a point where I am honoring the hunger signals my body gives me. Honestly, I hate to admit that, but it’s the truth.
So, I am admitting my need to track my calories and committing to tracking food again. As I said yesterday, it’s all about priorities and what will help me be successful. I will be successful in my weight loss journey. I will focus on my priorities. I will never give up.
Thanks for checking in and have a great weekend!
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Priorities

Posted on March 31, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

The last two weeks I have been a bit off my new normal self. I was going through the whole PMS thing and then stressing out about some life issues on top of that. So, until yesterday I hadn’t worked out in the gym, and, quite honestly, I haven’t been tracking my food so faithfully either.

And I’m learning something in the process of it all.
Mainly I think I’ve decided/learned until I reach my weight loss goal I especially need to make my weight loss a priority in my life. This past two weeks it hasn’t been and I’m feeling the effects of it.
The following conversation this past Monday evening is what spurred me on to these thoughts:
Husband: Did you get to the gym today?
Me: No.
Husband: Why not?
Me: (after having already come to peace about this decision) Because I had laundry to do after my dentist visit (and lunch following, because HE, yes husband, is my dentist ), so I decided to work out at home instead.
Husband: Well, what’s more important?
Me: (ignoring the question..) No one would wash and fold the laundry if I didn’t, so it needed to get started.
Fast forward to later in the evening and we had a talk about some things that were stressing me out and he told me not to worry about not making it to the gym, especially when I was busy doing productive things and not being lazy.
However, after I felt so wonderful yesterday getting a good workout in at the gym I began thinking…
Yes, there is balance in all things and not getting to the gym for a week wasn’t the end of the world. I did work out at home and I accomplished a lot of other things, so I wasn’t lazy. But boy I sure missed it, and when I think on it I can’t help but wonder if I would’ve made it a priority would I have felt in such a funk about the other stressors in my life.
Anyway, these are thoughts I’m pondering lately. Priorities. Balance. Focus. Making it all fit in the life of a busy mom.
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A Good Day at the Gym

Posted on March 30, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Hello! It seems like forever since I’ve blogged, so here I am.

It finally showed up, and in a rare moment of insanity I was very glad. LOL Now that I’ve started the emotions are calming down and I’m feeling more like my normal weight-losing self. 🙂
I also made it back to the gym today for a run and 30 minutes on the bike. It was a very hard, but after not having done a heavy workout in almost two weeks I wasn’t surprised. I’ve done Walk At Home DVDs, but nothing more intense. Funny how just two weeks can have that kind of effect on a body.
Speaking of workouts, while I was riding the incumbent bike at the gym today I saw a heavyset girl jogging on a treadmill in front of me. She was probably a little larger than me at my highest weight and she was doing a great job with intervals of walking and jogging. As she got off the treadmill and turned towards me I gave her a big smile with a thumbs up and said, “You’re doing AWESOME!” She grinned, a bit embarrassed and thanked me.
When I ran my first 5K in 43:44, feeling silly as I chugged on, I was cheered on by those around me. While I felt silly jogging so slow I so appreciated the encouragement. Today I paid that forward and it felt just as good to encourage as it did to receive encouragement.
Yes, it was a good day at the gym today! 🙂
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Weigh-In … A New Week

Posted on March 25, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s Weight: 181 . 5

Loss/Gain: + 0 . 5
Total Loss So Far: – 49 . 5 lbs.
Last night as I lay in bed I kept thinking, I just want to weigh tomorrow and get this week over weight. I’ve had a good week in life, but I knew my weight was going to be up. I feel more like, “Oh well, this is life.”
I’ve been sort of PMS all week, not as much emotional, but more like just not myself in the eating department. However, what has bugged me most…*TMI Warning* … is I’ve spotted mostly this week and haven’t “started” yet.
I feel like, “Could we please just get on with it already, so I can go back to my normal self?” sheesh. I’m grateful my gain wasn’t any more than this, and I’ll be more grateful when it finally shows up for real. Oh, the joys of womanhood and getting older. I’m thinking these are things I need to make notes of for the GYN, because it’s not the first time this has happened the week before. And pardon MORE TMI...but I have it for a full 7-day duration, so prolonging things is frustrating.
However, outside of that who female issue and how it’s affected some of my food choices I can say that I have exercised this week. I’ve been super busy with good, happy stuff, but I’ve gotten in a walk three days so far and will walk again today – even though I didn’t want to two out of those three days so far. I told my mom, I didn’t want to get into the habit of skipping exercise because I get a little busy, so even a 30-minute walk was better than nothing.
So, to sum it up…. I’m not upset about this little gain. It’s life and TGIF today means for me it’s the beginning of a new week in my weight loss journey, where I can get back on track and see that scale move back down.
I’d love to break 180 this week, but we’ll see. This is a lifelong change and I’m so glad to still be down and having not quit after all this time.
Oh, and here’s a little something to put a smile on your face…we’re having a “baby shower” for our church’s nursery – to replace old broken toys with some newer ones. So, I made a card to go with my gift. The little smiling stick kid drawings on this card always make me smile when I use them in digi scrapping. Hope they make you smile too! 🙂
Card made using mostly items from Giggle Box kit at Shabby Princess.
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Running Scripture

Posted on March 24, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding
I have a friend who is a runner, and fellow Christian, and I made this for her today.

I liked it so much I decided to put it on my blog (see top of right side bar).
This is for my personal use and not for sale; however, feel free to take it and use it on your blog if you’re so inclined. The digital kit I used is called Run Collection Mini and can be found over at Scrap Girls.
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Beef & Not So Good

Posted on March 22, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding
UPDATED: I also just remembered…for the reasons I posted about below, I refrained from purchasing any more spring colored M&Ms for our dispenser or the theatre-sized box of Raisinets that I so wanted at Wal-Mart this evening…I just can’t trust myself around them right now. This is progress, right? Yay!

Okay, on to the post I wrote about 30 minutes ago….

The past couple of days haven’t been that well for me food-wise. Lordy! The analytical side of me thinks “it” is coming because I’ve had desserts and larger portions and not even cared.

The I-don’t-care-attitude is usually the giveaway. We’ll see…I’m not perfectly regular, so I only ever know approximately when it will show up.
That attitude carried over into a dinner at Golden Corral last night. I had done fine during the day, but didn’t have a high calorie budget left for dinner. It wasn’t a planned trip, so I would’ve been okay had my original plans worked out.
Anyway… I didn’t eat like I used to there (I rarely do any more), but I had almost two entire yeast rolls plus a small brownie and raisinets. Oh my, they were good, but I wasn’t feeling too hot the rest of the evening from my trip to a buffet for dinner.
So, the rest of this week is trying to rescue myself and we’ll see what happens. I’m only slightly upset, because this is life and it always has a way of messing with me at least once a month…there’s a week or so left in this month and I’ve been left alone thus far. 🙂
I have to tell you that my husband asked if I was going to blog about how we had grilled steak at Golden Buffet our first weeknight after Fish Week. He thought it would be funny.
Even funnier to me We’re having grilled fish tacos tonight. LOL
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Celebrating 50

Posted on March 22, 2011 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I decided to create a digital page for my 8×8 album about myself to share how I celebrated reaching 50 pounds lost last Friday. These last five pounds have been such a breakthrough for me that it was so much more than a number.
In case you can’t read the journaling (or tell by the picture) I had a “deluxe” pedicure done to celebrate this milestone. It was glorious as the lady took such good care of me while I sat enjoying the massage chair for a solid 30 minutes. 🙂
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