My New Ending

That’s the kind of Presidents’ Day we’re having so far. 🙂

Everyone is home from work and school. We got to sleep in today and be lazy this morning. Then the activities started.

After cleaning up my kitchen I went for a run/walk and my husband and son went out in the backyard to do exercises. When I got back from my run my husband and son were out for a one-mile run.

The girls have music lessons today and are exercising their fingers on the base and guitar. 🙂

It’s a nice day to be home as a family.

Loss/Gain: -1.5

Believe it or not I’m kind of at a loss for words here. (note: I was when I started writing…you’ll see I found some words eventually…LOL) This has been an interesting week with regards to my weight loss, with a few mixed emotions swirling in my head.

I’m proud of myself for staying true to my commitment to getting up at 5:30 every morning and sticking with my new workout plan. I’m really enjoying the running again, and getting up early is allowing me time to workout and still get things done. It’s going great!

But… I’ve also been fighting that rebellious little girl inside that I mentioned last week. 🙂

The only way I can really explain it is like this. When I started out on my journey, almost three years ago, I was really scared to try losing weight again. I was scared of failure, scared of what people would think about me being “on a diet” again and I spent lots of time working through all of those emotions.

Now I’m at a point where most of that is done. For the most part, I’m no longer overwhelmed with fear of failure. Now I am on the verge of seeing those last bricks in the wall between me and a healthier life come down and I’m fighting doing what’s right with everything I’ve got.

It’s like the emotional clutter is out of the way and I’m being faced with just obeying what needs to be done to get the weight off. Yes, I still have emotional moments where I can’t imagine being thin, or fearing failure; but in reality it’s more the struggle to do what’s right.

Plus, I’ve been hard on myself this week because I wanted to be at a certain number today for a Valentine’s date my husband and I are going on and I’m not there. I could’ve been if I would’ve stuck to the plan, but I didn’t. So, I’m still hovering just under 180 and that’s frustrating.

Actually, as I type this I’m realizing that’s where most of my weight loss funk has come from this week. That and a confrontation earlier this week and a bit of a cold, but really with regards to my weight it’s the lack of “getting with it”.

Because I also told myself I wasn’t going to buy new workout pants until I hit 170, as sort of a motivational prize, but I bought some on Wednesday. My other pants are so loose I have to pull the drawstring tight and tie it tight so they won’t slide around when I run and that was so uncomfortable. Well, while I am loving my new fitted capri workout pants I also felt so guilty for buying them when I hadn’t reached my goal.

Yes, I think that’s where the problem is this week…I didn’t reach a goal I wanted to reach and I’m feeling guilty.

Instead, I know I need to rejoice in this loss, rejoice in the fact that I am running again and remind myself that this is MY journey and I can’t set my expectations so high that I never feel successful at the little things.

I know I’m fighting to break down the last bits of what holds me back from completing this journey and I won’t quit fighting.

In the meantime, I’m going to do some things around the house and enjoy my date tonight. This journey isn’t over and I will prevail. By God’s grace I will conquer! I have to…there’s no other option for me now.

Have a good weekend and, as always, thanks for ‘listening’ !

A few love-ly thoughts today:

• Learning to love myself if I never lost another pound was the first step towards taking care of my health, though I wouldn’t actually start eating better and exercising for another year.
• I love the feeling of accomplishment I get after a hard workout!
• I love iPods … and the ability to listen to my own music when I exercise.
• The love and acceptance of family and friends through all my weight-loss ups and downs is something I’ll always treasure.
• I love coffee, and reading books on rainy days snuggled on the couch with a blanket.
• But..more than coffee I love my husband…

• ..and this song.

Have a great day everyone!

Today’s Weight: 179.0

Loss/Gain: +1.0

*wah*wah*sob…..*sniff*sniff*

“Stinking weight!” “My legs are SO SORE!” “It figures.” “Why bother?!”

*sigh*

That’s how my morning started, right along with TOM.

*light bulb*

If TOM is visiting today, then that explains the overeating from last weekend, and the carb and diet soda cravings all week. Yes, I said “carb” because it’s not just chocolate, but crackers too.

So, I decided instead of coming on here and complaining about it all I’d be honest and then take a moment to look at the silver lining to my otherwise not-so-great week in weight loss:

• I have stayed with my commitment to get up at 5:30 am on weekdays.
• I have been tracking my food again since Monday. (Though I really didn’t want to..)
• I have started running again and am able to maintain a faster pace for a couple minutes. Woot!

Looking back on old pictures, like this one…

I was reminded that while I may not be at goal I am not the same person I was before. My whole family was looking at pictures the other night and we were all a little amazed. My husband kept saying “wow!” and hugging me.

This picture in particular really touched me, because I remember how I only bought that dress for Easter because it fit, not because it was my favorite.

My weight loss journey isn’t about the smaller clothes, but there was more to me than just a girl who wanted to eat lots. Along this journey I’ve dealt with issues that have allowed me to face the truth and see that change is possible.

There’s still a rebellious child inside me fighting against the need for healthier choices to reach my weight loss goal, but I’m working on her. And, yes, there’s going to be crappy weeks in life, but as long as I can find the silver lining I know I can keep going.

Thanks for checking in! Come back tomorrow to see what I did for my healthy heart weekend. 🙂

I’ve been getting up at 5:30 am to do my devotions before getting my kids up for school. I’ve started this so I can go to the gym directly after taking them to school and get on with my day.

I know two ladies who get up between 5:00 – 5:30 am to make time to get their exercise and morning time in before they have to take care of their households and I’ve always thought:

• “I’ll never be able to get up that early!”
• “There’s no way!”
• “If I have to get up that early I’ll never get exercise done.”

Yes, this is early, and yes, there have been a few mornings I didn’t want to get up, but two things have helped me:

• My husband is leaving for work at that time and now leaves the light on to help me start waking up.
• I know that my day will go much better getting up and taking care of business earlier in the day.

So, again I say..it’s so true, “Never say never!” Change is possible; me getting up at 5:30 is proof of that. 🙂

So…I can get back to running! Yippee!

Seriously, it’s so hard for me to do sometimes, but there is something I love about running (I use the term loosely as I’ve never been too fast yet.) I don’t know if it’s the rush afterwards, or the fact that I feel so strong when I run because I never used to desire to runbe able to run in the past. I don’t know.

All I know is that while I greatly enjoy the walks in my neighborhood I’ve been itching to get back into running. So, I’ve kind of set up an adjusted Couch to 5K Program for myself. I’ve figured out a tentative exercise program to follow for now. The non-running exercises are in red.

Mondays – Run 5 min walk/jog intervals and up the time of running longer and long each week until I’m running 30 minutes straight through again, even if it’s slower. If I go to the gym I’ll warm up and cool down for a few minutes before and after at least 25 minutes of intervals. If I do this in the neighborhood, then I might try doing intervals longer. 30 minutes on another cardio machine, elliptical, bike, etc.

Tuesdays – On the treadmill following the times for whatever week of C25K I’m on, but running at an 11:00 minute mile pace minimum; also pushing for faster if I think I’m able. I’m going to shoot to be able to run a 5K this year in around 35 minutes. Upper body exercises on weight machines.

Wednesdays – Rest Day

Thursdays – 30 minutes of cardio on either bike, elliptical or that other one that I have no idea what it’s called. Lower body exercises on weight machines.

Fridays – Second day of C25K intervals, according to whichever week I’m on, on the treadmill at the gym. 30 minutes of cardio on another machine.

Loss/Gain: -1.0

Sure I’ll take that pound lost, and then another next week and another the week after…until I’m at goal! 🙂 Because you know me…I’m not quitting.

There are a few thoughts running through my mind, but after the last two long weigh-in posts I decided I’ll keep it short today. Plus, I have a busy day ahead of me including a date with my 11-year-old son. Whee!

I may come back later and expound or I may not. Either way, I hope you have a great weekend!

Clicking around the internet this afternoon I happened upon this blog Poppies at Play and saw that today she posted about her love/hate of running. She created some great signs (It looks like she sells this sort of stuff.) and I thought they would make great gifts for runners.

I have to say my favorite was this one:

*giggle*

Get it? “the runs” ?? *more giggling* I know…I can be very immature sometimes…makes for great fun with the family. 🙂

Have a great day!

Today is her 1st Anniversary of being cancer free!!!!

As you can imagine, I’m very happy and thankful to God for getting us through that rough time; and so very grateful to still have my mom around in my life.