My New Ending

Today in my gym class the instructor says, “Next is a lateral jump with one leg onto the step.” 

I stand next to the step and watch her demonstrate.  Suddenly the “…with one leg..” part hits me.  I’m supposed to jump up a couple inches onto the step with just one leg???

Um, probably not. 

“Feel free to jump with both legs to modify if you need to.”, she says.  So, I do that.  I jump up and down laterally onto the step with both legs.  Challenging, but much easier to attempt than jumping with one leg.  

And then I think, “I have to see if I can do a one-legged jump, but I’m scared.”  The other dozen ladies are doing the jump, but the thought of lifting all my weight with one leg really makes me uneasy.  

Finally I did it.  I had to tap my lifted leg after landing to make sure I didn’t fall, but I lifted myself and jumped laterally onto the step with one leg.

I only completed two before we had to switch to the other side.  Again I looked down, got scared and then finally made myself try it.  Again I got about two done before it was time to move on.  

The next round I did two-legged lateral jumps and then made myself finish with one or two single-legged jumps. Of course, it was a little easier that time;  at least my mind was more comfortable with the idea.  

The last round I made myself do a few one-legged jumps before switching to the two-legged jumps.  My mind was past the scared stage and into the “just do a few, you’ll get stronger with time” stage.  

When we finished that section of the class I pulled my phone out for a quick picture, because I realized this is exactly what life is like when faced with tough situations.  Maybe it’s all in the head or maybe there’s a true physical limitation, but by taking one step in the right direction we have a chance to overcome any obstacle. 

Have a great week!

I decided to go out and get my 5-mile run done this morning while my daughter was at cross country practice.  She has practice for 1.5 hours, so I knew even with my slow pace I should be able to finish in time to go pick her up. 

About 35 minutes into my run my phone rings and it’s my daughter. 

“Hi Mom, I’m done.  Coach ended practice early today.”

What?!

“Okay.  Can you get a ride?  I’m running.  … No, wait.  I’m almost near the house, so I’ll just head to the house and come get you.” 

I had originally thought about only doing the scheduled 3 miles today and then heading out for the long run tomorrow morning, but it was a lovely morning and I was in the mood to get that long run in.  I was also tired and just wanted to be able to sleep in and only do 3 miles tomorrow, or even skip it if I felt like it.  

As I headed the quarter mile to my house I decided I guess I’d just call it a day and be done, but as I drove home from picking her up I was like, “No, I need to finish this run.” 

There’s no real pressing plans tomorrow morning that would prevent me from getting 5 miles in, but I was in the groove this morning and I knew I really needed to finish my run.  

So, I dropped her off, used the restroom and headed back out for two more miles to finish up my run. It was definitely getting warmer out, but I was so glad I got it done.  The rest of my day could go on as planned since I finished what I started first thing this morning.  

This also means I’ve completed four days of good, solid exercise this week and I’m very happy about that.  

I’m a mom first and a runner second, but today I was reminded that I can make them both work even if it requires moving around little disruptions in the plan.  🙂

My daughter’s coach upped the morning cross country practices to 1.5 hours this week, so I had considered going to the gym for my HIIT class again since it falls during her practice time.  

Then I woke up, and among other things, TOM arrived and I just didn’t feel like going.  I figured I’d do a Jillian Michaels workout (30 minutes) sometime during the day today.  

However, as I was sipping my coffee and reading my Bible my son came downstairs and asks, “Do they have elliptical machines at the gym?” 

“Um.. yes.”

“I can do that while you do your class!”

“um…okay.” 

So, when it was time I got ready and we dropped his sister off at practice and then headed to the gym.  

He is still recovering from his skiing accident so he did what he was able to on the elliptical and walking on the treadmill.  I went to my favorite HIIT class and made it through just fine.  

We were both wiped out, but glad we made the effort to get it done.  

It wasn’t until our drive home that I told my son I hadn’t really felt like going to the gym today and how he ended up being my motivator.  He grinned and when we walked in the door to the house we did our post-workout imitation of a favorite scene of ours from The Incredibles…

Happy Monday!  Now I’m off to do laundry and shower and maybe take some Alleve and sip more coffee between loads.  

I like to listen to podcasts when I go running.  Music is encouraging for getting my sweat on on a cardio machine or in a workout class, but for running a podcast gives me something to listen to and think about so I’m not thinking so much about how far or how long I am going.  

My two favorite podcasts to listen to are Another Mother Runner Radio and Half Size Me.  

I don’t go to a therapist, though there are times I think I should with regards to my food issues (only slightly joking here..), but many times these podcasts are all the therapy I need.  

Today I picked a Half Size Me podcast solely based on the length of time so it would last the duration of my run.  Heather’s interview with Scott Abel was interesting, full of good reminders and also well balanced.

None of the information was new to me, but when I completed four miles of running I not only felt better physically I also felt better emotionally for the words of encouragement I listened to. *contented sigh*

I have officially signed up for this race. 

And today was my second run of my training plan.  

It was a sunny 77 degrees with 90% humidity, which they said “feels like” 86 or so and that meant a hot, sweaty run, but I didn’t mind it.  In fact, I wasn’t even scared about going out in it.   

Prior experience running in heat and humidity taught me to listen to my body and only push as I’m able.  It also taught me I can do it and I’ll live.  lol 

So, I went out without much hesitation and just got it done.  It was this positive attitude that made me think I am feeling better emotionally about exercising and getting back to “normal”.  

I don’t regret the decision not to run the half marathon this September — I needed the break emotionally from the requirements that kind of training requires — but now I am ready to get back into some training.  

And it feels so good to be able to say that. 

Am I the only one who does this? 

The new healthier lifestyle isn’t going so great and suddenly I start thinking about all the things I’ve read or heard about certain foods I eat that might not be good for me.

“Oh, if I would stop drinking coffee I’d lose weight.” 

“It’s the white bread I use for sandwiches on occasion.  In fact, it’s all the carbs; definitely the carbs’ fault I cannot control how much or what I’m eating.”

“No, it’s the Sweet ‘n Low.  I’ve read that it can cause sugar cravings and that must be why I’m overeating.” 

A thought or two along these lines will hit followed by…

“I’ll stop eating/drinking ________ and then I’ll have no desire to eat anything unhealthy again and the weight will drop off, or magically stay in a safe place, without hardly any effort by me.”

So, I brush my teeth, crawl into bed and toy with the idea of being very stringent about x, y or z because I’m sure that’s why my weight is up, or my spirits are down. *

Then comes the alarm clock and as the new day dawns I realize once again that drastic measures are not the answer to living a healthier life.  Yes, there may be some truth to all of the above statements, but they are not the main reason I struggle with my weight.  

Because the fact is, I know people who do none of those things and are still unhealthy or overweight.  

Curbing certain things in my life may ease the struggle to eat healthier, but the truth of the matter is I need to eat only what my body needs — versus filling up on excess food when my body tells me it’s full.  

It’s as simple as that.  

Maybe some people feel that drastic measures are how they want to live their lives, but I’m just not like that.  I have changed a lot of my eating habits — quite honestly the above are probably the things I keep refusing to change — but I’m more of an “all things in moderation” type of girl.

So, when I’m feeling bloated and overweight, it’s usually from the large meal or chocolate ice cream with peanut butter mixed in that I really didn’t have room for added to the fact I hadn’t exercised and probably not so much from the Sweet n Low I used in my coffee that morning.  Just saying. 

*Note:  Another thought for another time…did you notice these thoughts hit me right before bed?  It’s ALWAYS in the evenings that I go through this.  hhmm….

As I was shopping in Ross last week with my son I came across this t-shirt

and I grinned to myself because I’ve been lazy about wanting to get back into running, even though I knew my training plan for the fall 10K I want to do started today. 

Over the weekend I even found myself looking over various training plans to find the “easiest” one.  When I mentioned to a lady at church, whose husband runs, that I was looking for an easy plan she laughed and replied, “There is no EASY training plans.  Running is hard work.” 

And you know, yes it is.  I mainly looked for plans that covered the least mileage in preparing for the final 6.2 distance, but deep inside I knew I was capable of doing the original plan I looked at which builds up to 8 miles and then tapers back down to the race day 6.2.  

So, I decided yesterday I was going to just do it.  I decided I’d take it slow if needed, but I would simply get each run done and begin training for my race whether I felt like it or not. 

And I did.

After dropping my daughter off at cross country practice I went back to my neighborhood and went out for the scheduled 3-mile run.  It was a somewhat cool 73 degrees with complete cloud cover.  Had it not been raining earlier thus being 97% humidity it would’ve been glorious.  A nice breeze and the cloud cover really did help though. 

The run was very nice yet a bit slower than I like, HOWEVER I realized my pace wasn’t too far slower than what I learned my summertime speed was last year when it’s warm and humid, so that was a huge plus. 

Of course, as I knew would happen, it felt really good to get the running done.  

In fact, as my daughter’s cross country team was finishing up practice I heard them do their team cheer, yelling and whooping it up and I told her later I wanted to join them because yes — we can do this!!  

One day at a time, one decision at a time I will not give up.   I will just do it.

I decided I need to get back to posting my weight monthly again.  

Today’s Weight:  174.5

Loss/Gain:  +3.0 lbs

I hate posting this today, because I rarely see that high number.  I weigh myself periodically throughout the month and I’ve usually hovered around 171.  Just a week ago I was 171.5, and I know I haven’t eaten enough to truly be up three pounds this week.  

But…I decided I was going to get back to posting my weight once a month again and I’m always huge on being honest with what the scale says that day (even if I’d rather wait til the next day, or take the previous day’s weight if I feel it’s more accurate.)  It all evens out, so I know it will be fine. 

I also know I’m getting back on track and I plan on seeing a number below 170 by the end of August.  

In the meantime I need to make sure I don’t allow this to continue happening…

Or a spoonful or two of Nutella…  Yikes.

Anyway, I’m not taking this lightly, as I’m sure you know from my previous post, but there it is and now it can only get better.  

Thanks for stopping by 

Yesterday was just one of those days.  In fact, this week started off a little rough emotionally for me for reasons having nothing to do with my health.  Thank the Lord it’s not anything as traumatic as death or another accident, but just little upsets that nagged at me. 

Add to that the fact that I have been struggling to “get back on plan” or face the fact that I need to “diet” again to lose these ten pounds I’ve put on and my exercise plan for the summer isn’t going as planned and I keep comparing myself right now to where I was a year ago and… blah blah.  You get the picture.  

It finally all added up to an evening with tears off and on.  I just decided to let it out.  Sometimes crying makes everything better. 

Thankfully, my girls are out of town and my son had a friend over, so they spent the evening in his room and I had liberty to cry while cleaning up dinner.  I also had the liberty to talk with my husband about my frustrations for a good hour after dinner and he had the good sense to come and give me a hug reminding me that I’m not fat (see previous post) and that he never thinks of me as fat. 

I sniffed into his shirt, “I’m afraid you’ll think I’m a quitter…” 

“I know you’re not a quitter,” he replied, “and I’m not worried you’re going to gain all the weight back.” 

[Deep sigh, wiping tears into kitchen napkin]

“Okay.  Thank you.” 

And suddenly I felt a little better.  

So maybe my plans to attend my favorite HIIT classes three mornings a week this summer got sidelined after my daughter’s cross country coach planned practices for the same time, and she can’t drive herself because she doesn’t have a license yet. 

And maybe I’m vexed because even though I knew I wouldn’t be emotionally able to train for a half marathon, I am now seeing the reason I was so toned last summer was because I was running long distances three days a week and I wish I was that toned now.  

And maybe I’m realizing the way to get off the ten pounds I gained between last November – April is by cutting back calories, basically “dieting” just enough to lose that weight and go back to maintenance mode.  

And maybe that can all pile up to one large plate of depressing.  If I let it.  

However, one thing I heard repeatedly at the bible conference we attended this summer was “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with what happens to you.” 

So, I had a cry.  I was honest with my husband.  I had a great, long phone call with my weight loss BFF who is also struggling, ahem…learning.  And then I finished up the evening perusing the motivational quotes I had pinned on my “Health” board on Pinterest to motivate me.  

And I was inspired. 

Life is not always easy.  For me, letting out how I’m really feeling, even if it means crying, is very helpful.  My tears and conversations yesterday did not change any of my circumstances, but they allowed me to express myself and I was not judged for it.  (There’s an entire post subject for another time…)  

And I was encouraged.  I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of ability.  I am not a failure and I will keep going one day at a time.  

Because I will not give up.  I know I feel better living a healthier life and I will continue to stay the course, even if I have to dodge a couple bullets along the way.

Oh, and I think I need to make magnet out of this quote I had pinned…

I meant to post this on Monday, but the days flew by…so here I am. 

Last Friday my husband shared a fun little story with me.  He had a conversation somewhat like this at his work: 

Scene:  A young woman with a one-year-old baby is lamenting her need to lose the “baby weight”, but saying her husband doesn’t think she needs to lose any weight.  She is not sure if he is saying this so she won’t feel bad or because he really does love her how she looks right now.  (Note:  My husband said she is by no means overweight, but she just carries a little extra weight in her torso and thighs.)

My husband walks in on this and hears conversation about the fact that men should love their women even if they are overweight, yada yada and he pipes up with, “My wife gained weight and it didn’t matter to me.” 

A different lady who works in the front office blurts out, “Doc, you’re wife aint fat!  She’s skinny!  I’ve seen her.”  

Someone else mentioned, “Or did she used to be bigger?”

Smiling, he explained yes I had been heavier and lost a lot of weight, but when I was overweight he loved me just the same.  Then he proceeded to show them a picture of me heavier and they were like, “Oh…”  

I’m not skinny, but I was still tickled that the few times I’ve been at this new clinic were enough for this lady to make that comment.  She is a big overweight herself and I remember the days when I would’ve thought the same of someone my size in comparison to my 5′ 4″ 230 pound self.  

I didn’t start on this journey to look “skinny” and I don’t keep pressing on solely for that reason, but it was still motivating to me to hear that I’m no longer thought of as the “fat” lady.  I’m struggling a bit right now, so when my husband shared that with me I was encouraged to keep going.