Confessions of a Fat mom

Posted on June 22, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I wasn’t going to post this, but I decided to go ahead and share and be honest. 

Saturday I took my 11-year-old daughters to a birthday party at a splash park/pool.  We had already been at another birthday party for the hour-and-a-half prior to this one and it was warm out, about 90+ degrees with humidity.  
When we arrived at the splash park I mentioned in passing, “Whew! I should’ve brought my bathing suit!”  To which both responded with a quick look of slight horror and Ballerina gives me quick shakes of the head to say “PLEASE NO!!”.  
I was like, “What??”  Then I discreetly pointed out two women sitting in swimsuits on the edge of the pool who were larger than I and reminded my daughters that at least I always wear my hawaiian cover up that goes to my knees.  
Ballerina finally says, “Well, just don’t ever wear a bikini!” and we all laughed.  (another story for another time).  
Though we laughed through it and I think they were only embarrassed because their friends from school would be there not because I would actually wear mine in public (which I did at the lake a month ago)..I was hurt.  
This was the first time that I remember any of my kids being embarrassed of me and my size.  
I kept thinking, “I’ve finally comes to love myself as I am, get over what other people think, swim with my kids if I want to because I know I’m working on it and now I’m being rejected by them!!!!!!”    Brats.
When I pointed it out to my husband he only smiled apologetically, patted my arm and said, “Motivation.”  It wasn’t the response I wanted.  
I won’t dwell on the little bit of pre-teen brainlessness and I will try to use it to motivate me; but it was definitely not my favorite-est of moments and something I hope I NEVER have to hear from my children again.  
Side Note:  I told another mom and she laughed and said she’d just “embarrassed” her 14-year-old by dripping mustard on her blouse in public….so I’m encouraged by that and knowing my kids really aren’t vicious..just clueless sometimes.  :o)
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One Month Later

Posted on June 22, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I decided that I’ll take a picture of myself in this same outfit every month — even if there is no large weight loss that month. For some reason I thought I took the photo on May 22nd, so I waited until this morning to take it. Looking back, it was May 15th. 🙂 oops. 

So below is the link after my first month of regular workouts and getting some good eating habits in order. 🙂
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The Climb

Posted on June 20, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

So, I’ve posted my weigh-in, some funny photos and then as I looked my blog over I began to listen to the song, “The Climb” that I have on here.  

My husband reminded me that muscle weighs more than fat and the weight will come off.  
I caught the line in this song that says something about it doesn’t matter how long it takes to get there.  
Okay, I will listen to this song and be reminded that this journey isn’t going to be easy, nor is it going to be a fast one.  But I know I will make it to the other side.  
I found some old photos from six years ago of myself when I was down to 170 lbs.  I’ve put them out in my bedroom where I can look at them regularly to remind myself th
at I can do this and I will get there again..and actually pass that and reach my final goal this time.  
Here’s to continuing the climb!  
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Oh, the pain!

Posted on June 20, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding


Well, we finished up our first week of working out each morning and then doing toning exercises every night.  Last night my husband decided we should try this 35-minute cardio workout by The Firm.  

It was killer!!!  Part of the fun was watching him try to do step aerobics.  I was laughing most of the time.  It was fun, but so much harder than my Walk At Home DVDs.  whew!  
I think I’m going to do one of these two mornings a week to challenge myself a bit more.  We’ll see. 
Anyway, we made it through the first week of more intense working out and I’m not really dying, but my legs ARE very sore.  That’s a good thing, right? 🙂 
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New Weigh-In Day

Posted on June 20, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

One of my best friends has started working on her own weight loss journey, so we decided to weigh-in on the same day so we can compare our progress together.   

So, here’s my weigh-in stats for this week.  
Today’s weight:  228.0
That is up 1/2 lb. from Tuesday morning. 
My reaction:  I cried.  I’ve worked out a lot this week and I was sure it would be at least down a pound or so.  I’m not sure what’s up and I’ll admit I wanted to quit right then.  
However, I know this is a long-term journey and I can’t let the scale ruin my day, so I have to make myself keep going and keep my chin up.
My husband weighed himself today also and he is also up a half of a pound.  
I’m hoping it’s because my muscles are toning.  I’m afraid maybe I didn’t eat enough, but who knows.  
I just need to step away from this for today and try to get my happy face back on.  I know deep down it will come off, but I’m a little vexed at the moment. 
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First Full Workout Week

Posted on June 19, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I just finished my fifth morning of working out.  I averaged 55-60 minutes of working out every morning.  We’ve also been doing toning exercises every night before bed.

Go me.  
I’m sweaty, tired, but I’m proud that I did it.  

Oh, and I’m also VERY hungry.  So, off I go to shower and eat some breakfast. 
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I think I saw a muscle!

Posted on June 18, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I workout in my living room directly in front of the fireplace where I can see my reflection in the glass of the doors.  (My computer where I play the workout DVDs is to the left of the fireplace. ) Well, this morning I was watching my feet in the fireplace door glass and I think I saw a muscle!  

Yep, it was there, slightly defined, but it was definitely there!  Whee!!  
You know moving this  big ole body around at this weight is going to make my legs so strong that when I lose weight these workouts are going to seem easier.  Kind of like singing a solo in choir 7 months pregnant and then singing it after having my son – it was so much easier the second time around.
I’m looking forward to that..being lighter on my feet when I workout and just lighter on my feet in general…and to more muscles making their appearance as the fat falls to the wayside!
p.s. I told my husband last night, “My abs are sore.  Yep, they’re in there and someday you’ll get to meet them because they’ll finally show through!!”  LOL !!!
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Weigh-in

Posted on June 16, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s Weight:  227.5

This week: – 2
Total loss so far:  -3.5 lbs. 
Yay!  The scale is going back down.  I only worked out two times last week, but drank my water faithfully.  Now that TOM is over I’m looking forward to more losses.  🙂  
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Early Morning Workout *YAWN*

Posted on June 15, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today my husband and I started our early morning workouts.  We were up by 6:45am and he left for the gym with a friend while I got dressed and popped in my 4-mile Leslie Sansone DVD. 

This is going to take some getting used to.  *yawn again*
It’s not that it was so early, but that I’m not used to moving that early.  Good thing she starts with a warm-up.  Although, even with the warm up, I was ready to stop about 2 miles (or 30 minutes) into it.  No can do though.  The agreement my husband and I have is we’ll stay busy for an hour each morning and then do some abs and other toning exercises each evening before bed.   
We are also planning on going to bed earlier each night to make sure we get enough rest.  So, hopefully I won’t be as sleepy tomorrow at lunchtime.  *grin…and another yawn*
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Trying Not To Hide

Posted on June 13, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Yesterday we were at a picnic and I took my camera along to grab some photos from the occasion that was being celebrated.  I wore what I felt cute in, but I was still the largest wife there and knew it.  I love taking pictures, but at this largest weight I’ve hated it knowing that I look so huge. 

As I’ve said before, I’m not just chubby, but the largest I’ve been without being pregnant.  However, I wouldn’t let myself hide from the camera.  Instead I decided that these will just be more wonderful “before” pictures.   

Luv, Me and some friends

Me (short blonde hair) with some of the other wives..the two right next to me are four and five months pregnant..you can’t even tell…the next two have new babies…and I’m still the largest one. 
Not for long….
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