Weigh-In … Comfortable?

Posted on October 16, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s Weight: 210.0

Loss/Gain: -0.5 lb
Total Loss So Far: -21.0 lbs.
Yes, it’s better down than up. However, I know I did not do my best this week with eating. On more than one occasion I ate beyond satisfied and I knew it. It wasn’t the sweets, just the regular food. I made some really good decisions, but obviously too many “just-one-more” decisions and now I’m seeing the results.
I was thrilled with my loose jeans and I am still excited about the progress I showed on the elliptical yesterday, but I can’t get comfortable. I’m no where near a healthy weight yet and I need to remind myself of that.
It was nice to hit 20 pounds lost, but it’s time to keep moving on towards another goal, right? I have that Hot 100 Challenge to finish. So, I kind of have to set aside the good feelings about losing 20 pounds and work hard towards my first goal of 199.
Another step towards making that goal is getting good exercise in, so I’m off to exercise now.
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I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

Posted on October 15, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding
After this morning I don’t really care what the scale says tomorrow….
I’m THAT excited!!!
Why?
Because I decided to try the elliptical machine at a gym today and I was able to do 30 minutes at a steady, somewhat slow…. JOG !!!! And I only paused about 3 or 4 times for less than 60 seconds. I would tell myself, “No, keep going.”
I stuck to the pace of the beat of my music.
It wasn’t until about 25 minutes that my side started to hurt and the last 2 minutes were the closest I came to feeling like it was killing me. I tried this machine last spring, 20 pounds heavier and out of shape and I had to make myself stay on for 15 minutes with breaks every few minutes to go slow and I was dying then.
Not today!!
You have no idea what this workout has done to pump me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My legs were a little jiggly at the end of the workout, so I walked on the treadmill slowly for a 5-minute cool down before stretching. I was just trying to act cool and not fall over. LOL!!!
I’ll write more about this little gym later, but when I asked the lady at the counter if she could show me how to use the machines again she agreed. As we were walking back into the gym she comments, “I noticed you were getting a good workout on that machine.”
YES!!!!!!! An hour later I’m still flying high off how good it felt to be able to stick it out for 35 (I minutes (I did a 5-minute warmup walk on itl) on the elliptical!!!
Okay, I have to get showered and get on with my day. I’ll write more later, but I couldn’t get on with my day until I shared this great accomplishment with all of you.
p.s. Oh, and I even felt a drip of sweat go down my forehead and off my nose … now THAT’S a workout!!!
p.p.s. I was so excited my MIL was laughing at me later after I got home and practically hugged her!!!
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Really, She’s Sweet

Posted on October 14, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I just wanted to take a moment to put a good word in for my mother-in-law and clarify that when I say she makes “comments” they truly are very few and far between.

I just think that there’s this unwritten rule about daughter-in-laws taking everything mother-in-laws say as criticism. Whether it’s how the laundry is done or serving smaller portions when to help a DIL lose weight as in my case. It’s like a natural instinct and I have to fight that feeling sometimes.
My mother-in-law is pretty quiet and not openly affectionate to the degree I or my mom are. She does not freely give praise to her adult children. Yet, when I’m struggling with something and I share it with her, she is very supportive and comforting. (And I’m usually surprised at how much she really does care for me…)
So, please understand that if/when I mention a comment MIL says … I’m talking about a comment from a kind, sweet lady that can be taken as criticism from me because of this unwritten DIL vs MIL rule. She is by no means the the hurtful, jealous woman like in the movie “Monster In Law”. THANK THE LORD!!!
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I’m Still Scared Sometimes

Posted on October 14, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today I worked. I’m a substitute and I only work part-time and solely at my children’s school, where I know most of the teachers pretty well and I see them on a regular basis. After I finished my lunch today I was making a comment about showing my MIL something and how silly it was…yada…yada, because I felt the need to explain to her how I had prepared a certain lunch item.

Someone looked at me curiously and asked, “Huh?”
Well, I realized that I had quickly skimmed over mentioning that MIL might question something I put together for lunch because she knows I’m trying to lose weight. Since I managed to skip skim over that important point, this teacher didn’t understand the point of my conversation.
I quickly offered, “Well, she knows I’m watching what I eat and how much, so she’s trying to be helpful and somehow…’blah’ ‘blah’..”
As I mentioned, “..knows I’m watching what I eat and how much..” my stomach began to knot up a little bit. I was SO nervous and I did NOT want to say, “She knows I’m on a diet.”, because I knew that the minute that fact gets around everyone will begin watching what I’m eating and the comments could start coming.
That scared me so much; and I’m not totally sure why. Even as I write this post my stomach is knotting up and I would kind of like to cry.
Has anyone else experienced this fear of having people know you’re on a diet and/or changing your eating habits?
These are the few things I could come up with that might explain my knotted stomach at the thought of going public with my “diet”:
1. Maybe I’m still scared of failure..okay, no I AM SCARED of failing.
2. Maybe I’m scared of the accountability. People can’t help, but watch what you eat when you say you’re dieting or making better choices.
3. I don’t want someone saying, “Should you really eat that??”.
Having put my thoughts on the matter out there, I have to say that it does look silly, huh? I can answer my own fears with this.
“Leah, you’ve lost 20 pounds, you’re exercising regularly and why are you afraid of people watching you eat??? You took a salad of baby greens with feta cheese, tomatoes, 5-6 kalamata olives and Italian dressing with an apple and a Fiber One yogurt for lunch. Plus, you drank water. You only ate a pinch of the brownies that the cafeteria made for the entire staff (HUGE tray of them) to save room for the non-fat, no whip white mocha you were going to have later.” (I felt like I could’ve skipped the special coffee, but I’ve been waiting like 4 days for that treat, so today was the day.)
Well, there it is. Despite knowing I’m doing better on my food choices, portions and getting regular exercise, I was almost terrified at anyone knowing I was seriously trying to lose weight and change my habits.
I think my food habits changing touches something far deeper than just saying no to brownies, and so by telling everyone that I’m working on losing weight I’m also admitting to them I’m working on some deeper issues in my life. hhmmm….. That just kind of popped out, but now I’m going to think on that.
I also think that I don’t want someone telling me that I can’t have sweets or “junk”, because I do truly feel that everything is okay in moderation. And I don’t think people will believe that everything is okay in moderation when I still have so much weight to lose.
Okay, I’ve rambled on quite a bit now, but I just had to get that off my chest. It was a new scenario that I had to deal with today and something I think I need to deal with sooner than later. It’s so much easier to say you’re losing weight when someone notices that you’re thinner; but for some reason it’s so hard for me to tell anyone that I’m seriously working on it.
I look forward to any comments, questions, criticisms you have to share.
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Changing Desires

Posted on October 12, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

A few weekends ago we went to our local State Fair. We haven’t ever taken our children to the State Fair, so this was a big deal for them. When I remember going to the fair a few times in my youth I always remember the booths, animals, rides and the food!

Oh, the yummy funnel cake and corn dogs!
My family didn’t have much money growing up, so if we went to the fair and were able to get a snack it was a very special treat. My memories of fair food are not only the scrumptious crunch of a deep fried funnel cake dusted in the sweetness of powdered sugar, but they are also associated with family, fun and love.
This past trip to the State Fair was spent with my own husband, children and mother-in-law and it was also a day of fun, family and love. However, I noticed something different about myself this time.
As we walked down the little streets lined with all sorts of food booths I wasn’t drawn to them. I didn’t walk by planning which one I wanted to eat at and deciding how much I could have. I just walked by and noticed all of the interesting things they offered and that was it.
Fry bread is one of my favorite fair/carnival foods, so I decided I’d see if I could find a place that had those and that would be my treat. I didn’t think about it all day, or keep watching the time wondering when we could eat. I just knew that was what I wanted and kept that in the back of my mind until lunchtime.
When it was time to eat I told my husband that fry bread sounded good to me. MIL and the girls agreed, so we four shared two of them. My son and husband shared a turkey leg.
We ate, commented on how sad we were that it wasn’t as good as most we’ve had – they were thin instead of thick and chewy fry breads – finished up and then went on about our business. I was full and satisfied.
A while later we decided to try a dessert. As I mentioned, funnel cake is something we always get and share at a carnival or fair. However, this time the kids wanted something different and MIL wanted to try a cinnamon roll. The cinnamon rolls had caught my eye also, so she and I decided to share one and that was it for the dessert. Again, I was full and satisfied.
Full and satisfied with half a fry bread, half of a cinnamon roll and water for an entire six hours at the State Fair???
This was a day that I learned I am really changing from the inside out. I didn’t spend the day dreading all the food temptations, or wondering how much I could fit in and then starve myself the rest of the week to see a weight loss, or even walking around feeling deprived of such yummy goodness.
I enjoyed the time with my family and enjoyed the foods that sounded best, but only in amounts I needed. And it seemed to come naturally. Even days later I couldn’t explain how I felt to my friend, and I’m not quite sure she could understand me not wanting all that wonderful fair food.
And today all I know is that I am so grateful for this change that is happening in me. Not only the outside body is changing, but the inside desires are changing also and it feels so good!
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New At-Home Gym (kind of…)

Posted on October 11, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding
Okay, so I didn’t buy anything to workout at home, but Thursday evening I was inspired to try something new. I took my husband’s old laptop and put it on a shelf in our bedroom and did a workout after dinner in our bedroom.

This was nice because I was able to get some exercise in and not have to stop the family from using the nice, newer, large-screen Mac in the living room. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? I really enjoyed my workout in private and could’ve used this many more times in the past month that my mother-in-law has been here.
Ah well, live and learn.
I liked working out in the bedroom so much that I actually went and did a 30-minute workout this morning before breakfast while everyone was lazing around in the living room. I didn’t get a workout in yesterday, so I was real glad to have a private place to get one in today and not have to be up at the crack of dawn.
MIL will be here for three more weeks, so I’m sure I’ll utilize my “gym” again a few times. 🙂

p.s. It’s a good thing I worked out today because I gave in and ate a quarter pounder with cheese and fries for lunch!!! I thought about having a salad like earlier this week, but the burger sounded so good that I ate it. I had a light dinner later because I wasn’t very hungry, so I’m thinking that is good.
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Confidence Makes A Difference

Posted on October 9, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding
I had an idea for a post, but couldn’t get my thoughts out in an orderly fashion. So, I erased it and went to read Diane’s blog post for today at Fit to the Finish.
It struck me to the very core, because I can totally relate to it. She said that the one mistake she made over and over was not having the confidence that she could really lose the weight.
If you don’t follow her blog, I suggest you go and read it here.
I know having confidence in myself has been one of the biggest differences in this final weight loss attempt in comparison to past attempts. From the beginning I had to begin to believe in myself and that I could start making changes that would lead to weight loss. I had to deal with my inner self first and get the strength to even think that I could turn the health aspect of my life around. I had to have confidence that it could and would happen. When I started believing in myself the changes started taking place.
Some days I wonder if I’ll ever get below 170, as that was the lowest I have ever reached in my adult life. I also wonder if I’ll be able to stay at a healthy weight if I do indeed reach it, because I’ve never been thin for any length of time.
Then I stop and remember Diane’s story and I know that if she could lose it and keep it off these past 12 years, then so can I.
I also stop and think about all the changes I’ve made so far. Many of these changes were things I never thought I’d see happen last Spring. Yet, little by little I am changing and little by little I’m seeing the weight come off.
Just like Diane said, these small successes are leading to more and more confidence in myself and my abilities to lose this weight. And that makes me so happy!! I CAN do this!!
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Weigh-In … Mixed Emotions

Posted on October 9, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s weight: 210.5

Loss/Gain: + 0.5
Total Loss So Far: – 20.5 lbs
We’ll start with the not-so-happy emotions:
Okay, so I was hoping for a tiny loss, even a maintain, so I was a little upset with this small gain. However, I’m pretty sure it’s due to PMS and currently being right smack dab in the middle of my cycle. *sigh*
Plus, I was wondering how this week was going to turn out because I was home all week. You see, I noticed when I was working that I was eating more for lunch than I usually do at home. When I’m home I tend to just grab something light for lunch and not actually sit down and eat a meal. hhmmm… I was wondering if it would make a difference in my weigh-in. I also had a few mornings that I didn’t eat “early”, but at about 10:00, even 10:30 day, and I wonder if that makes a difference too. hhmm…. These are things I’m going to try and watch the next week and see what happens.
Now for the happy emotions:
First off, though I was sad to see a gain I was happy that I didn’t have to give up my “4 bags of sugar”!! Seriously, I don’t ever want to see those 20 pounds again and I was glad that I didn’t creep up into them. Whew! I know I’ve heard of some gaining a full 1-3 pounds during their cycle, so I’m glad that wasn’t me.
Secondly, I have a “non-scale victory” to share. This week our temperatures dropped to the 60’s during the daytime and so I pulled out a handful of long-sleeved shirts and my jeans. Well, the tops all fit great (some are even loose) and the jeans are comfortable!!! Not just, “Oh, yea I can fit into these.”; but they fit like, “Yes! My jeans are comfy and going to be too big soon, because they are a bit loose!”
Now you see why I have mixed emotions!! Here’s on to a better week next week and going down the scale once more. 🙂
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Another One!

Posted on October 9, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding


Missy over at Fearless Missy also passed on the Over the Top award to me. I’m honored!! Two awards within 48 hours. 🙂

Since I’ve already passed it on once I won’t be doing it again. My answers are two posts down.
Thanks for thinking of me, Missy!
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Double Compliment

Posted on October 8, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Last night a girl at church said she was looking over the video from our last Easter program and she noticed that both my husband and I have lost weight since then.

Woo Hoo!! I was excited and I know his ego was boosted as well. Like I said, he doesn’t need to lose much weight, but he had put on a little bit and was working hard to get back in shape. I know he was glad when I told him she noticed his loss also.
I’m proud of him and of us. Compliments sure are motivation boosters!!
Have a great Thursday everyone.
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