Lately I feel like my life is settling into a routine, and it makes my heart so happy. It’s not just a schedule that we are settling into, but almost like a new life.
Maybe it’s because we have bought this home and are here to stay. I’m not sure, but I think that has a lot to do with it.
The last 3.5 years have been some of the most unsettling years in my entire life. I’ve experienced things that I’ve never experienced before — death, tragic accident, relationship issues and life plans getting thrown out the window.
And for the first time I feel like I’m settling into what my life is now.
I’m coming to grips with the facts that my life will never be what it was before January 2014, or March 2014 or the spring of 2015.
And I’m allowing myself to understand that those events have changed me a bit; or at least they have sent me rolling and it’s taking time to get back some semblance of order in my life.
Right now, I don’t feel like I am this great leader in the health world, but I used to.
I used to be so proud of what I’d accomplished and loved encouraging anyone and everyone they could do the same.
Going through rough patches in life and not being able to say, “I made it without gaining more than 20 pounds!” could be hard on a person, but that’s actually not my issue.
Of course, I’d love to say that. Instead my story is to date I have gained back 50 pounds of the 70 I originally lost.
My issue is that I’m simply fighting the fight to even want to care. When I’ve seen how easy it is to fall back into bad, addictive habits I wonder why try again?
And so I take baby steps.
I am practicing being gracious, yet firm, with myself.
And I am allowing myself to settle into life, to work through the emotions and struggles these major events have caused in my life.
And I cling to hope.
Not the hope that exclaims “Rah! Rah!” and “I’m so good because I skipped cake!”, but the hope that whispers, “Hey, I waited until I was hungry to eat today. Good job.”
Baby steps is how I started losing the weight the first time around and as things begin to fall into place here in my new life I feel like baby steps is how the weight will come off again.
Footnote: In case you’re wondering…Baby Steps 2.0 is working so far. I’m down -2.4 pounds over the past two weeks that I’ve been making a conscious effort. *contented sigh*
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