Where I Complain About My Weight, But I Don’t Quit

Now that you have an idea where I’m at with my life (see previous post) and weight and exercise…I am going to get something off my chest. 
It is frustrating to have to be so careful with my food and exercise to stay at a healthy weight.  However, for me, what’s even more frustrating is the fact that I have to make such a conscious effort to eat better or eat smaller portions.  I dislike very much that my natural inclination is to eat junk or too much food just because, and of course I get frustrated that it doesn’t take much extra food or lack of movement for the weight to jump right back on.  
I know this is totally normal and it’s why the majority of people who lose weight gain it all back. 
Because it’s a fight.  It’s a daily choice to keep making decisions that are better for you. 
Isn’t it crazy that I have no problem making better choices in other areas, but this area is one of those that is rough.  It’s the proverbial thorn in my side.  I guess it’s better than fighting a drug addiction, so I am grateful for that, but it’s still hard and frustrating and often doesn’t feel fair.
Today as I was blogging I was thinking, “You dope.  If you could just get your head completely in the game, then you would be a winner at this and you’d no longer struggle with your weight.”  
But I don’t think that’s true.  Or at least I’d like to think it’s not, because then it gives me a reason to still feel like it’s a fight to be that healthier, never-struggles-with-“good”-food-choices lady I dream of being. 
Sigh.  
I feel a little better.  
Maybe I’ll print this and tuck it in my mirror to look at daily.  As a reminder that I need to not give up and fall into “vacation mode”, because for me that leads to weight gain and feelings of upset tummy, not to mention the emotional upset of feeling like a big fat failure.  (I already have had to tell myself to ignore the memories of how thin I was two years ago when I came to visit my grandparents…)
Or maybe I can look at this and be reminded that it’s because I refuse to give up that I m not completely starting over.  I’m in a slump that I will not allow to go any further than it already has.  I know this to be true, because I keep making sure I don’t go up any further and haven’t in six months. 
I know when I am settled again I can and will get back to even better eating.  Until then, I will press on fighting the fight so that I don’t have more than 20 pounds to deal with later on. 
Because coming on here and complaining, and thinking, and venting reminds me that I am not back up at 230 pounds and I have no intention of getting there again.  I won’t quit.  
I may cry and complain and whine, but really this is a fight I can win — am winning if I dare be so optimistic — so I will keep on with one of my original mottos/choices.
Thanks for listening.  It’s not over, because I am NEVER going back to that overweight woman I was…not if I can help it, and so far, thankfully, I can.
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6 Responses to Where I Complain About My Weight, But I Don’t Quit

  1. Kitty says:

    This is certainly a post I could have written at various points!

    First, let me say that I have learned from my experience that moving is a huge stressor and it is hard to stay on track. I had a regain of quite a bit when we moved a few years ago. I think looking back on it I would have done better to simply aim to maintain during that period and to focus on the better food choices when I had to eat out (which we did a lot during that time).

    One thing that has helped me since is to learn how to eat and prefer many more healthier, less junky foods. I still like the junky ones (alas!), but I now have enough other alternatives that are better for me that it is easier to be happy eating those things. But, it took really focusing on trying to find those foods.

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  2. Gwen says:

    You are under a lot of stress/upheaval. While that can't be an excuse to fall all the way down the rabbit hole, if you can accept the stress affecting you, it will give you an opportunity to try and mindfully find other ways to self soothe, than junk food. The sooner you step away from all junk food, the sooner the cravings will dissipate, too. Sure works for me. 🙂

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  3. Lori says:

    Well, I think that is a problem with those of us who have lost a lot of weight. It takes less calories for us to maintain, which means we gain with less calories. You do have to be more stringent and no way around that it sucks. You just have to keep going.

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  4. I can totally relate to this. Why can't it just be easy? 🙂

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  5. Jodie says:

    HI Leah! Gosh, that memory of thinness cuts like a knife. I am having that problem a lot later. It's never a motivator – more like leading me down a path of self pity.

    I really like what you posted about getting tired of starting over. I might need to post that. I did give up for a long time because it was too hard to care about everything I ate. I didn't have the emotional energy to make a healthy turkey wrap for lunch, and cut up vegetables. But we keep going I think because we know we can do it. It's not easy, but it IS doable!! Hang in there!

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  6. It sounds like you've wrapped your head around this – you CAN get right back on the train and keep moving forward.

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