Maybe I Should Feel Ugly and Fat?

So, after posting yesterday I also had another thought about how the taller lady feels so fat and ugly and I’m about the same size, but don’t feel fat and ugly.
Maybe I need to feel just a little ugly and fat..just enough to urge myself to finish the weight loss already.  I’m kind of joking, but kind of serious here.
Three-and-a-half years and 65 pounds lost and I feel so good right now. 
I can run 3 miles like no big deal, I’m in a comfy size 14 and I get complimented on how small I am.
But I’m thinking this is the flip side to loving yourself. 
Just like I realized ten extra pounds and nine months later after reading the article by Geneen Roth that loving myself doesn’t mean allowing myself to eat whatever and whenever and however much I want, I need to realize I am still not a healthy weight.
Yes, I’m healthier.
But I’m too close to being obese to settle.  I need to finish up what I’ve started. 
Trust me, my not losing more weight is not because my body isn’t responding to diet and exercise anymore.  It’s because I still eat more calories than I burn on a regular basis.  
*openly honest moment here*
I haven’t eaten like I’m trying to lose weight for a bit now and I know it.  I have good moments – meals or even a day or two – but well….I know I can do better. 
I decided last week that I wasn’t going to quit my Finish Strong challenge, but I’ve had the darndest time getting back into the healthy-eating-and-weight-loss-portions groove.
And then my phone rang on Monday.  
“Are you still interested in a personal trainer?,” she said.  
“Oh yes.”, I said and then almost laughed because of where I’m at right now.
So, today I have an appointment with her for an assessment.  The gym I go to on the base offers a free personal trainer for six weeks to help you figure out a good routine that works with your needs and fitness/health goals.  
I’m thinking it’s just the push I need to get back on track.  
She said she’ll be checking my body fat percentage and the like…yep, I’ll feel just fat enough to remind myself that I’m still not a healthy weight.   Okay, well, I’ve felt that fat often enough…but now someone else is going to see it and remind me that I can do better.  Yikes.
But you know what…it couldn’t have come at a better time and I’m grateful, because being honest with ones self is also love.  Facing the facts is love.  And I’m going to love myself right over to that trainer and figure out how to get back on track.
I’ll let you know how it goes.  🙂

About Leah@MyNewEnding

I'm a 44-year-old wife and mother who begins her day with God and coffee. When my youngest of 3 kids started college I went from a SAHM to a full-time job. I love being an attendance secretary. A lot has gone on since I started this blog in 2009, but one thing remains the same: I will not give up on my health. Join me as I share what that means for the season of life I'm in.
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5 Responses to Maybe I Should Feel Ugly and Fat?

  1. Jeanette says:

    I DEFINITELY don't think you should see yourself as ugly and fat. No way, no how!! But, there is a happy medium… loving yourself but realizing you still have to work on a healthy, strong body. 🙂


  2. Lori says:

    I don't think anyone should consider themselves as ugly or fat. It is hard to stay motivated, though, when you are 'normal' size and able to fit in anywhere without feeling like you stick out.

    Good luck with the trainer. Do you do much lifting? That will change your body a lot and something that is a great complement to a running program.


  3. Siobhan says:

    I think one of the reasons I took so long to do anything about my weight is that I didn't feel fat and ugly; I mean I knew I was fat, but I guess I just looked at it as everybody is something (fat, skinny, tall, short, etc). I had to get uncomfortable with my weight before I started doing anything.


  4. Yay for that phone call coming just at the right moment! There is a delicate balance between loving ourselves and still being able to step back and say, “Yes, I love myself but I also love myself enough to continue getting to a healthier weight and not settle.”

    I'll be interested to see how you like working with a trainer. I think I would enjoy it very much.


  5. Leah says:

    I don't do much lifting, but I told the trainer I'd like to get stronger. I know doing core exercises over the summertime here at home helped my running in the fall.


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