Today’s Weight: 168.5
Loss/Gain: – 0.5
I’ll take it. In fact, no matter what the scale said I had good news to share today.
I felt like I’ve lost my weight loss mojo, desire to lose any more weight, etc. etc. and wasn’t sure how to get it back or whether or not I wanted to. But I’ve found it again. One day at a time I will keep going.
Pretty much the last month I’ve been struggling to want to lose any more weight. I’ve struggled with the desire to keep fighting. I was happy with what I’ve accomplished and comfortable. Okay, not really. I was only comfortable to some extent, but I knew I wasn’t content to settle.
This past week I’ve been only kind of trying to figure things out, but I really haven’t felt the need to look into the deeper meanings of why I don’t want to keep losing. Over the past three years I’ve done a lot of soul searching with regards to my weight and now I just felt like it’s coming down to fine tuning my discipline.
By yesterday all I could say was, “I’ve lost my weight loss mojo and really can’t figure out when I lost it or how to get it back.” I fully expected that to be the end of today’s post. I would’ve let you all know that I’ll let you know when I figure it out, have a nice weekend, yada yada. I even found this great picture through Google to explain how I felt:
But then last night something happened.
I’m not even exactly sure what it was. I just know I was exhausted and as I thought over my day I realized I had made some better choices than in past days. And I said to myself, “I can’t quit. I don’t know exactly how I’ll finish, because it is hard. But you know what…I didn’t think I could run a 10K last May either, but I did it. ” Then I fell into some much needed sleep…at 9:30.
I slept a good solid eight hours, woke up and went about my usual morning activities.
At the end of my devotional time I decided to bring the issue before God one more time and I found myself saying, “I just want to enjoy the journey.” Then as a few tears rolled down my face I realized this is part of the problem.
When I think of what it’s going to take to reach 140, from where I’m at today, I know it means a little more sacrifice than it’s taken so far. I haven’t wanted to give up the extras, and yet at the same time I’ve been indulging too much and not feeling well either.
I’ve also heard a couple people who’s weight loss success I’ve found inspiring complain about how hard it is to maintain. A couple of them have gained some weight back. That’s scary to watch sometimes. I know it’s life and I completely understand where they are coming from. But to hear such negative “It’s so hard..this is no fun” talk doesn’t really inspire someone who’s where I’ve been lately.
It doesn’t inspire, if that’s where the story ends.
And my story will not end there. As I prayed I really asked God to help me find out what I need to do and help me to be joyful in the process.
I know there will be frustrating days. I know it’s not easy. But I really want to be a person who will rise to the challenge with joy in knowing what eating healthy and moderate portions will bring to my life, instead of fighting all the way and whining about how hard it is.
There is still no magic plan. I will continue to work on the basics. I will not worry about tomorrow, but take care of today and take it all a day at a time.
*insert contented sigh*
Yes, for the first time in a long time I can again truly say…it’s not over. I’m not giving up.
The little spark of hope that I might reach a healthy weight or, more importantly, become a woman who has conquered her overeating has grown back into a gentle burning flame steadied by the hope and knowledge that I can do this.
Oh, and for a Friday funny…One should look up when walking…or risk hitting his/her head on low-lying branches…um, like I did today. Yep, I walked right into it and it poked me in the head. I laughed right out loud when it happened. 😀
Thanks for checking in on me. I truly appreciate the support and concern through this journey. Have a great weekend!