Today’s Weight: 171.0
Loss/Gain: + 1.0 lb
This week I wanted to quit my weight loss journey; even though not exercising regularly and eating so-so has left me feeling out of sorts, which means I knew I couldn’t/shouldn’t quit. I am pleased with where I’m at and scared of being something I’ve never been before … in more than my weight loss journey.
First off, let me clarify that my ultimate goal weight has always been 140, and after looking up different websites with healthy weight charts (five of them this morning as a matter of fact) I am finding this weight to be right in the middle of the higher end of healthy weights for a 5′ 4″ 36-year-old female like me. So, when I say anything about getting to a healthy weight I am seriously talking about a healthy weight, not an unreasonably skinny weight.
Okay, now on to my week …
Yesterday I about had a meltdown about being able to finish my weight loss journey and get to a healthy weight. Among other changes going on in our family I was beginning to feel like why try anymore? I’m so pleased I’ve come this far and I feel great, but I know that I’m not at a healthy weight and I need to keep working on my weight loss.
Both in my weight loss journey and another change coming to our family I was beginning to think, “I can’t do it. I’m not that person. I’ve never been able to do it in the past, so why now??”
With regards to the other family changes I don’t have a choice but to do it, so I will. I’m glad to embrace the change to see what God will do through it all. I keep thinking, “…for such a time as this…
But with regards to my weight the choice is entirely mine and I’ve had to really think about whether or not I want to keep working towards a healthy weight. I had to decide if I still think I can do it.
I’ve watched a few ladies gain back some of the weight they lost and that was also bugging me. Why keep going if I’m only going to gain some of it back anyway???
Then I looked back over my week …
Monday started with a devotional titled “Finish What You Start
“. Um? Talking to me? Yes, I’m ready to finish…I think.
Another day I was asked to share my story
and was reminded of all my reasons for losing weight and pressing on towards being a ‘healthier, happier person’.
Wednesday night our pastor preached on not letting past failures stop you from doing something for God. This applied both to my family changes and my weight loss journey. But again the fear of the unknown tempted to overtake me.
Thursday I decided to reach out to a friend, call her and share my fears and dread of failure. We only had a few minutes to chat, but she pointed out that we do have to be content with the body we have and not beat ourselves up if we’re not a certain size, or if our journey is slower than faster. She also encouraged me to keep pressing forward, stating, “If we don’t keep pressing forward, we’ll go backwards.”
Then one day I also read the most inspiring post – Can I Climb Your Mountain With You?
– by Paige at Finding Joy in the Journey and was reminded again that hard work and determination will be worth it in the end. She also pointed out what I was again reminded of today…
In this morning’s devotion, “We Can’t Do It Alone
” I was reminded that God is with me through all of this. Life changes and God cares above every detail of it, including my health.
So, will I quit and just settle here at 170?
Will I take part in a drastic weight-loss craze diet to finish up what I’ve started?
I will keep doing what I know to do. Eating less and moving more.
As I learn and grow through the new changes coming to our family I will also continue to learn and grow with regards to my weight loss journey. I will keep using my tools and pressing forward towards my new ending, there’s no going back for me. Scary or not I will go forward.
Thank you for checking in and have a great weekend!
Oh, and I just remembered…my little spark of hope that I will continue on this journey, that I have changed and I am capable of finishing (or at least getting closer to a healthy weight) is this:
When I took my daughter out to breakfast yesterday I chose the egg white turkey sausage sandwich at Dunkin Donuts, not because I had to, but because I wanted it. I knew I’d feel better having something with protein and I enjoyed it. I was satisfied and did not feel left out for not having a donut.
There IS hope for me yet!