Weigh-In … Do I Really Want It?

Today’s Weight: 180.0

Loss/Gain: +2.0 lbs
Short Story:
I’m a upset with this gain, because it reflects my poor eating habits this week. I can not use my surgery as an excuse, because I overate. Plain and simple, and it frustrates me that I can get a grip on myself with food sometimes and not others…like a week when I know I can’t exercise. But quitting is not an option for me, so I will get my act together.
Long Story:
I’ll be honest by saying I’m upset with the gain. In fact, I’ve been at 180 pretty much since surgery and I’m sure it’s because of the sitting around all day, but still needing to eat. I feel like I’m making an excuse for the gain if I blame it on the surgery because I did not eat the best this week either.
This bugs me. It bugs me because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to exercise, but I didn’t stick to eating only what my body needed being stationary most of the days post-surgery . It was amazing how little I was truly hungry, but still ate out of habit or boredom.
Times like this remind me that exercise is definitely necessary for the metabolism-challenged like myself. But it also reminded me that I have to get serious and want to eat like I want to lose weight and not solely depend on squeaking by because I worked out hard. humph.
I have found myself thinking, “Do I really want this bad enough to change all the way?” It’s one thing to make small changes and then stay here 50 pounds lighter, but still a good 40 pounds away from a healthy weight. But do I want to make those deeper, more meaningful changes that will get me to my goal weight and become my new way of living?
Of course, I think, “Yes, I want that!”, but my actions don’t prove it. Case in point:
I was talking to a lady this last week who told me she’s lost a lot of weight about four years ago and sometimes it’s still so hard. She is in her 40s, a petite thin thing (I forgot to ask how much she lost, but she said she started around 190 pounds and she’s 5 feet tall.)n and goes to the gym daily. She said it’s not the portions she has a problem with, but the types of food.
As I talked with her a little about my journey, discussed how hard maintenance is for her and told her about Diane’s blog I sat with a plate of nachos that were served at the baby shower we were attending. I’ve recently gotten to the point where I ask for “less, no cheese ” or something like that at the showers and they know I’m watching what I eat and are fine with it. Well, Monday I had the “I can’t eat anything after midnight, so might as well eat a plate full.” mentality because of my surgery coming up the next day. While I’m talking to this woman I was so convicted that I’m telling her I’m trying to lose weight, but eating corn chips with nacho cheese, refried beans, shredded chicken, lettuce, tomato and homemade salsa on top.
What a great testimony, huh?!?! Sheesh.
I told her later I was so encouraged by her story and convicted at the same time for how I was eating while discussing weight issues with her. She was very kind and encouraging and reminded me that it’s hard work every day.
So, I said all that to say this…I can’t make excuses for this week. Had I done my best to be careful with the food side of things since the exercise wasn’t taking place and still seen a gain I wouldn’t feel so bad. But I didn’t.
I need to put actions to my words or I might as well quit. And since quitting is not an option for me the only other choice is to get my act together. I still don’t see any great exercise in the next week, but I know I can control the food. So that is what I will work on.
Oh, the pain of facing ones self and learning lessons the hard way…..
Thanks for listening and have a great weekend everyone!
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3 Responses to Weigh-In … Do I Really Want It?

  1. Jamie says:

    This is the hardest for me. My mind, heart and soul want to be that different person but my flesh has other ideas and sometimes it wins. I hate that feeling but I know that when I am at my weakest, He is there to give me strength. You are such an inspiration to me, thanks for your honesty!

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  2. Sharilee says:

    Oh Leah, I can relate so much! It's great that you are able to be honest about the struggle and also get that support from that woman. It really is a constant battle to do right — and I am realizing more and more that it's a spiritual battle against the flesh. Wow!

    Thanks so much for sharing this. It really helps me to see that I am not the only one struggling with this and that we can help each other by relating. Take care and God bless you! πŸ™‚

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  3. Ah – but with so many things in life it's those painful lessons in self evaluation that move us forward. Don't beat yourself up over this gain Leah – you were stressed and you are still new in your weight loss journey. Yes, it's been a slow process, but you're still learning. We all are – even me!! Keep your chin up and get back your positive “I can do this” attitude!

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