The Other Side of The Scale

Posted on July 15, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I weigh myself daily. Ninety nine percent of the time I’m okay with whatever number shows up. Higher numbers don’t depress me anymore. If the number is up I’m simply reminded to be careful about my choices. However, there is an emotion I do have to be wary of when that number is down. It’s the happy feeling.

Yes, happiness on seeing a smaller number on the scale can be detrimental to my weight loss journey at times. You see, when I see a lower number I get excited, I think I’m doing so good and then for some unknown reason I allow myself a little more food that day.
It’s sad, but true and as I write I am shaking my head with a sheepish smile on my face. It really is dumb thinking seeing as how I have about sixty pounds left to lose. To think that one good day means I get a treat?
This is actually a new observation for me. When I realized I do this I had a light bulb moment – Aha! Maybe if I see a lower number and just keep doing what I’m doing I’ll see another smaller number tomorrow? (Go ahead, laugh, I am…)
I guess it’s kind of like not letting myself have a free for all after I weigh in on Fridays, and instead staying focused through the weekends. I know. Amazing that when I began to be careful through the weekends the loss I saw on Friday was still there on Monday.
So, now you know one more thing I’m learning about myself in this journey. I’m getting it, s l o w l y but surely, and I’m finding all the pieces that will make up my wonderful new ending!
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One Batch Is Enough

Posted on July 14, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

My daughter made cookies today. She is learning to bake on her own so she made a single batch.
I can’t remember the last time I only made a single batch of cookies. I’ve ALWAYS doubled the recipes, and would triple or quadruple them if we planned on sharing with anyone outside of the family.
As small as the batch looked – finishing up with 24 cookies cooling on two racks – I realized I was really okay with that little batch. That’s plenty for us. We’ll have a nice little home baked treat to last a couple of days and that will be all we need for now.
This, my friends, is when you know things are really changing deep down inside. It’s a good sign when the overriding feelings in this situation are contentment and enjoyment instead of sadness and greed.
It’s a non-scale victory to be sure and I’m so pleased with this progress.
p.s. This was her third attempt and they came out perfect. I shared a small one with her to make sure. 🙂
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One Essential For Success

Posted on July 14, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I’ve probably said this before, but after reading the comments from my insights post I was once again reminded why I blog.

Blogging truly is my weight loss journal. I come here to get my thoughts out, share victories and sorrows and I truly hope that if someone can see how my turtle journey is going and it encourages them not to give up, then I’m happy to share.
Comments like those left yesterday on my insights post are just the added blessing to blogging. They are also one of the reasons that I will keep it up.
Blogging is akin to going to a weight loss meeting for me. I can gain knowledge and be encouraged not to give up by those that share my struggles, either by reading comments or just following other people’s journeys on their blogs. Someone told me that by following my blog they feel almost as invested in my weight loss journey as I am myself. 🙂 It’s a community that has become sort of vital to my success and I’m so grateful for it.
So, I said all that to say this….
….thank you dear blog friends. Your comments, once again and especially yesterday, were such a blessing to me. That’s one post that I may have to print out just to remind myself of all the wisdom I gained from it – both in what I wrote and in your comments left.
Have a great day!
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Shared Insights

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

After posting on Friday about the struggle I’ve been having with feeling like my mind is obsessed with food I spoke to two people who really have been a great support to me during this journey.

First off I talked with my mom. Weight has been an issue in both of our lives. I told her my frustration with feeling like my mind is consumed with food. She suggested that I realize food may always be a struggle in my life and instead of worrying about trying to get completely delivered from those struggles I learn how to handle them.
That actually really helped me. The perfectionist in me wants to be completely free of those thoughts. When I feel like I’m not getting to that point I feel like a failure. Instead if I realize my weight and food issues are something I’ll probably always have to be conscious of I will see that I can gain control over them. Possibly gaining control and learning how to handle my emotions with regards to food will bring the deliverance I’m looking for.
I also asked my blog-friend and mentor, Diane, to look over my post and email me with any observations or thoughts she had. She wrote me later and shared something I had never thought of. She is also a Christian and shared that having a mind obsessed with food when one is in the beginning of a weight loss journey can be likened to when a person first becomes a Christian or when a person first begins dating their spouse.
She said, “Remember how you were probably “obsessed” with those things, but then as those relationships became cemented and stronger you were able to enjoy the relationships in context with your life? That’s how I look at the weight loss journey. Yes, there may be times when you are a little bit obsessed with making good choices, but over time, those choices are part of who you are and will NOT take up that much time.“
I had never thought about having a mind obsessed with food in that way. I guess in a way it’s a healthy obsession. Kind of like my husband spending hours and hours studying and going to college for eight years is healthy if he’s going to be a good dentist when he graduates.
So, I’m much more encouraged today because I’ve learned two very valuable lessons:
  1. I accept that my weight is an issue that I’ll most likely always have to deal with, but instead of letting that idea vex me I will learn how to deal with the negative emotions when they arise.
  2. Taking time to learn what works best, journal out my thoughts and feelings, talking with people who can bring insight into my journey, etc. is all good. It’s healthy to learn the most I can and strive to work towards reaching a place where my healthy habits are cemented in my life.
I do have to end this by saying that if you don’t see daily posts on here please know it’s only because I have had other things in life take up my time. I’m trying to make sure I make good use of my time on the computer and not waste away the hours on here….it’s so easy for me to do. 🙂
Have a good day!
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Maintaining and Goals

Posted on July 10, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I still haven’t figured out exactly what day I’m going to post my “past 7 day average” of weight, but I thought I’d check in today and let you know that my average over the last week is …

199.5 .
Same as last week. Considering the 4th of July brownies and deviled eggs, er, food and TOM I’m content with maintaining.
I’ve decided that my in-the-back-of-my-mind goal is to shoot for losing five pounds each month. This is not set in stone, but I know that if I can simply lose that much each month I’ll do better than 30 pounds over the next year.
Having said that, on rough days I think to myself, “If you only lose another 30 pounds this year, you’ll have lost 60 and will only need one more year to reach your healthy weight of 140.” I figure either way I’ll win. 🙂
So, I will keep working towards my main goal of eating when hungry, stopping at satisfied, keeping moving and I think this will help the scale go down in the process.
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Check Out the Giveaway – Or not…

Posted on July 9, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding


Once again, I’m not telling you that Tricia has a cool giveaway going on at her blog Endurance Isn’t Only Physical.

I won’t tell you that if you click here you can find out how to enter. I also won’t tell you that she is promoting these really cool headbands from Sweaty Bands, because I’ve always wanted to try them and see if they really do stay in place.
Like Tricia I also hate having those whispy hairs getting into my eyes and face when I’m working out. If I don’t win this giveaway I may have to look into getting one of these for sure when I get back to jogging. I hear such wonderful things about them.
Well, I guess I’m being selfish, so here’s my final offer … if I win I’ll tell you all how I like the headband, but if you win, please promise you’ll come back here and comment on whether you liked it or not. Deal?
Okay, you can go enter now. 🙂
p.s. Steve, maybe you’re wife would want one? I’m kind of nervous at the thought of you wearing one. LOL I couldn’t resist saying that!! 😀
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Figuring Things Out

Posted on July 9, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

The past couple of weeks I’ve really been doing some soul searching in regards to my weight loss journey. I’ve read a few books and found some helpful advice in each of them.

I found the books by Jillian Michael’s to be very intense and almost too overwhelming for me. I picked out what meat I could learn from and had to “spit” out the rest. Maybe someday I’ll write a review of each of her two books I read. I’m really not in the mood right now.
The book I read by Geneen Roth, Women, Food and God, also had some very interesting and helpful insights. I honestly found parts of this more helpful than anything Jillian had to say for me and my situation. However, Geneen is very much into Buddhist thinking and meditation, which turned me off to probably ever reading another one of her books. I will keep what I gleaned from her in regards to breaking the emotional ties to food and leave it at that.
I think the best bit of advice I’ve received recently was directly from the word of God. I took this issue of having my mind obsessed with thinking about food to Jesus during a time of prayer and fasting that I participated in last week. Among other issues it is something that I’ve really needed to come to grips with.
One day I was lead to this scripture in the book of Matthew and saw it in a brand new light:
“Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?” Matt. 6:25

I don’t know if any of you can relate, but lately the more I think about wanting to really press on and go further in my weight loss journey the more my mind seems to think about food. It doesn’t seem normal and I don’t like it. I know there are other activities going on in my life, but if I’m not careful my mind is constantly leaning towards the kitchen; if not that then it’s complaining about why do I have to eat better and exercise to be thin when others do not?

As I read that scripture I was really taken in by the concept “…is not the life more than meat…? ”

My life doesn’t have to be centered around food. This is something I’m really working on right now. So much so that I’m not even making sure I get all the fruits, veggies and water in. I’m only trying to eat when I feel hunger and stop when I’m satisfied, and I’m trying to get control over my thoughts so that my days are not consumed with weight and food.

I am not giving up on losing the weight, but I feel like if I can get control over this part of my life then everything else will fall into place. I know it is possible for God to bring deliverance in this area. As my mother told me once, I will work like it depends on me and pray like it depends on God.

I am cooking better and am trying to some extent to continue making better choices. It’s actually kind of funny how allowing myself certain things/treats just doesn’t feel good anymore. ie. after having some Coke a few times I wanted a glass of ice water. It was the only thing that sounded good to drink.

So, honestly, I wish I was so beyond all the emotional junk, but lately it’s like a wall in front of me that I need to break down to continue on in my journey. I know how to lose weight. I know what works, so I will continue to keep that in my mind as I go throughout my days and try to figure the rest of this out.

I wish you all wonderful Fridays and good weekends. For those that are sharing successes on their blogs – THANK YOU! I’ve been reading them and it encourages me to not give up hope on myself. 🙂
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Plodding Along

Posted on July 8, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

So, yesterday I blogged and had nothing spectacular to report. I was even feeling a little “blah” because I had no great accomplishment to share. Then I got to thinking…

This is exactly what I’ve been wanting in my weight loss journey. I want to come to a place in my life where food is not taking over every thought, every aspect of my day. I want to reach the place where planning meals and grocery shopping are just a normal part of the week, but where my thoughts are not consumed with thinking about stopping in the kitchen for a snack every time I pass by it.
As unexciting as it may seem on a day-to-day basis it’s exactly what I want and need.
Also, I looked over some posts from last July (2009) and I was encouraged. I may feel like I’m plodding along in my weight loss journey lately, but in reality I’m doing pretty good. A year ago I had lost some and then gained until I was down to a -6 lbs loss, and I was struggling with the idea of eating healthier. I seriously didn’t want to cook healthy. I was dealing with emotional junk and taking baby steps, but I refused to really dive into a new lifestyle.
Now I’m down 30 pounds and I’m looking for new ideas on how to cook fresh veggies and meats to provide healthier meals for both me and my family.
I guess I’m plodding along rather nicely after all. 🙂
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Helpful Hubby

Posted on July 7, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

We went out of town last Saturday and as we were driving we saw a sign for Dairy Queen coming up. I love Dairy Queen and a blizzard with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups is my favorite treat.

I mentioned that we should stop and get some and hubby politely said, “hhmm…..”. I didn’t say another word about it.
As we drove by the kids asked to stop as well, but he did NOT stop. As he drove on past I was thinking to myself, “You don’t really need that. [pause] It’s probably a good thing he didn’t stop, because you would’ve eaten more than you need and been vexed later that you ate when you weren’t really hungry. Plus, if you had ice cream now you would not have been hungry by the time everyone else wanted dinner and then you’d feel like you were overeating some more.”
I know this is rambling, but those were my thoughts.
When I got on the scale the next morning and saw 199 I was especially grateful my husband didn’t stop for that treat. In fact, I was so grateful I thanked him verbally for helping me stay on track by not stopping for ice cream. He hugged me in return.
See my post below where I said I’m doing better than a year ago? Well, this is more proof of just how true that is. I didn’t feel threatened (right word?) that he didn’t stop for Dairy Queen. Instead I ended up being grateful for his help, whether he was trying to be helpful or not. 🙂
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Simply Life

Posted on July 7, 2010 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Well, it’s been a regular few days. Nothing spectacular to report.

I feel the need to confesssay that I haven’t worked out in over a week. I wasn’t feeling up to it at all last week, for personal reasons, and I was completely okay with that. Then from Saturday until about Monday night we were busy with 4th celebrations. I may get a workout in this afternoon, but I’m not sure.
Honestly, I’m not too worried about it. I know I’ll get back to it. I’ve been busy catching up on laundry after my machine was broken and then had to be replaced, but the mountain is slowly diminishing. 🙂 We’ve also had visitors at our house and …. I started a good book. 🙂
I know those sound like excuses, but it is what it is.
Eating has been okay until the afternoons/evenings. Eating when hungry is good, unless you allow yourself to get so hungry you overeat and then realize afterwards it’s only a few hours until dinnertime. I was able to “skip” dinner and serve it for everyone much later last night. However, I kept munching in the afternoon to the point that I still wasn’t very hungry by the later dinner time. hhmm… That’s something I’m working on.
I feel like we were on vacation and I’m just getting back to “normal” now. I know this is life, and it’s all a part of the journey.
Have a nice afternoon!
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