My New Ending

Today is the day.  Today I posted my goals for the Healthy Holidays Challenge on my Instagram account.  To be honest, I would have posted them on Monday, but I had to take a minute to seriously think about what I could realistically commit to.  

Interestingly enough, this week’s Weight Watchers meeting was about planning for success.  Talk about perfect timing.  I wanted to share with everyone at the meeting about my challenge in case anyone locally wanted to join me, but I didn’t have the opportunity, and since it’s not promoted by WW it may not have been welcome without prior permission anyway.

Buuut….I digress. 

Setting goals for myself was hard, because I didn’t want to (A) set goals I couldn’t stick to and/or (B) set goals that might make others think I was being too strict.

Yeah.  Let’s repeat that. 

“I didn’t want to …. (B) set goals that might make others think I was being too strict.” 

What?!  Isn’t that crazy?  But it’s true. 

I found myself worrying I would set goals that would make others think, “During the holidays??  You want to make sure to track your food?? ”  etc. etc. 

But in actuality this completely contradicts the whole reason for this challenge.  

The point of a challenge is to challenge ones self and to work hard; for me it is also about accountability, encouragement and supporting one another.  

So, setting goals to challenge myself and then worrying I would be criticized for said goals is crazy thinking. 

In years past I have observed this challenge, and others before it, challenge myself and others to keep somewhat of a focus on living a healthier life while still enjoying the goodie-laden, full-scheduled holiday season. 

And not once did that support ever include shaming.  

Instead every week was about accountability and encouragement to do better.  That encouragement helped me to keep focus and I look forward to it doing the same this year.  

Maybe on another Instagram post I’ll share how I came to set my goals, how I have made the decision that focusing on the basics is what helped me lose weight and maintain it in the past and how I personally can’t put off what’s best for my body just because Christmas is coming.  Some years I can, but not this time.  

That’s probably my people-pleasing self writing the above paragraph.  While editing this post I realized I most likely do not need to write a post explaining why I chose the goals I made, do I? 

Wow.  

Anyway….

I feel challenged, as the hostess of this challenge, to be a leader and set an example.

I want others to know that I’m here to work hard next to them, but also to encourage them to enjoy this season without added guilt.  

So, now that I’ve gotten over my [apparently still lurking] insecurities about being honest I shall proceed with an official blog sign-up post next.

Oh, and because I know you’re probably curious…. 

I hope you can join me in this challenge, but if not… keep checking in here and hopefully you’ll find some encouragement from my journey.  

It’s that time of year again!  With fall barely beginning to peak out in some parts of the country, the Halloween candy is filling the aisles, the fall (and even Christmas) decor is stacked in the craft stores and men and women who worry about their health are already beginning to talk about how they will make it past the mounds of candy, baked goods and food gatherings. 

But first a little back story:  For a few years in the beginning of my weight loss journey a blogger did a “Hot 100” challenge to help us focus on our health during the last 100 days of the year.  Then it stopped as life took over. 

Because it was so motivating for me, last year I thought it would be nice to revive that concept and I hosted my own challenge.  It seemed to go over real well with the participants (you’ll hear from a couple next week) and helping others enjoy the holidays without throwing caution to the wind in turn helped me as well. 

Here are the details: 

So, think about it and look for a formal “commitment” post next week to sign up.  I hope you can join me! 

 Well, hello there! 

You know it’s been a while since you blogged when you can’t remember what you last talked about. [grin]

Our girls are moved, safe and sound and appear to be having the time of their lives.  Someone asked me if they have commented on the levels of homework or class work and no, they haven’t.  I think the Advanced Placement classes they took last year prepared them well for hard classes and lots of homework;  either that or it’s too early to tell. 

Instead I hear stories about things like the kid who read ever. single. label. on his clothing while sorting in the washers at the dorm laundromat and how fun it is to get together with friends on the weekends.  I’m getting good at using SnapChat too.  lol

I’ll leave you with this quote that was on the display during my Weight Watchers meeting this week.  We were to look over our summer and see what we could change or would do the same.  

It gave me some things to think about and hopefully I’ll share them along the way, until then..I’m doing better. I’m alive and now I need to fold laundry and maybe hang up some wall decor.  🙂

Thanks for stopping by!

We have a new leader at my Weight Watcher meetings and I’m falling in leader love.  She’s ultra peppy and motivating, she has lost weight two times and understands the struggle not only to lose, but to maintain, and most importantly… she believes in us.

As she discussed the weekly meeting subject of optimism I leaned over to my WW friend and commented, “She makes me think I can do this.  (old leader) made me feel okay for not doing so great, because she understood life struggles, but this lady makes me want to try harder.” 

Later when I realized I have now lost the 4 pounds I gained during my trip to Arizona I was even more inspired that I can indeed get back on track.  

In fact, I found myself eating my grapes as a snack as I prepared lunch (and was starving!! the quick sugar was helpful I’m sure…)

But then today a food challenge of sorts hit me.  Nothing serious, but I knew what I had to do.

Lunchtime came and I had to decide between a bagel and cream cheese and a bowl of lower fat cottage cheese with toast broken in to it (it looks messy, but it’s one of my favorites!!) I chose the cottage cheese mix.  

Can I have the bagel?  Yes.  I have room in my calorie/points budget for it, but it would’ve taken a great chunk out of my day.  

Do I really need a bagel?  No.  That’s a lot of carbs for someone who isn’t doing heavy cardio right now and my body, my blood sugar is what came to mind actually, will feel better having the cheese and toast. 

So, I chose the better. 

And for the first time in a long time I was proud of my choice.  Not because I haven’t made some good choices recently, but because I told myself no to something I actually wanted to have but wasn’t the best choice for me.  

And that better choice felt so good. 

It was a glimpse into what used to be my “new normal”, and it gave me hope that I will be there again. [insert contented sigh] 🙂

Well, look at that!  August is here.  We knew this summer would be a busy one and, indeed, it has been.  Grab a cup of your favorite beverage…I have a bit of catching up to do.  

Moving daughter #1 to her new college hometown went well.  Saying that final goodbye was so hard, but not because I wasn’t happy for her or excited at her opportunities ahead… The night before her sister and I would leave to return home I felt nerves and anxious like the night before a race.  

I texted a friend and said I feel like I do before a race, “Just get me over the start line and everything will be fine.”  I just wanted to get over the actual “goodbye” and then I felt I’d be fine.  

And I was.  And I am.  

Oddly enough, the hardest part about the first week with her gone was catching up on sleep.  I was exhausted last week.  It’s like I needed a vacation to recoup from the vacation.  I guess stress will do that to you.

But she is nicely settled and I feel more like my normal self now.  It’s been fun hearing about her adventures with friends and sending and receiving texts about things, like what to wear to the job interview.  She got the job, by the way.  Woot!  We won’t have to pay for gas and groceries for much longer.  lol 

And now I’m settling down into as much a routine as one can when there’s another child to move to college and a move for our own household in the works.  

Yes, as if there isn’t anything else for me to to, we’ve decided to downsize and use what we’ll be saving in rent and utilities to pay off some debt.  We also want to start looking for a house to buy.  This is a first for us and I’m excited about the process.  The best part, for me, is since we’ll be downsized and be paying off debt, if the house buying process takes a while I won’t mind, because we’ll be using that time to continue to pay off debt. 

You can tell I’m excited about this debt-paying thing since I’ve mentioned it like four times in the last paragraph.  LOL  😀 

I’m also excited to get more focused on my weight again.  

I’m lying. 

I actually teared up in fear yesterday talking to the new WW leader after the meeting.  She is a spunky leader with a story very similar to mine and when I told her I didn’t raise my hand at her, “How many of you will make it to goal weight?” [insert rah! rah! 120% positive enthusiasm] 

She asked why and I explained, “Because I can’t imagine weighing 145 pounds.”  I explained I had maintained 160-165 for a year and a half, but the thought of getting any lower just frightens me.  As I shared the latter I felt this wall of fear creep up to protect my heart and emotions.  

I’m good at sharing my story and not being nervous, accepting failures come, etc. etc., but my heart started pounding a mile a minute as I spoke with her.  We agreed the battle is in the mind and I just looked at her with a nervous smile and said I would work on speaking positive words.  

On my way home I also added, “Take it one day at a time.”  When I started with WW back in April I told myself my goal was to get through one day, and then through the next day.  Each day added up and I saw regular losses.  

Unfortunately, I’m still not good with juggling staying on plan and planning graduations and moving, etc.  I know it’s a laziness of sorts, but I also think it’s a space thing.

I only have the capacity to focus on so many things at once.  But before I go on about how I working through choosing what to focus on, just be assured I am including my health at the top of that list. 

While fear of failure may threaten to overtake me when I think about reaching a weight loss goal, the fire of determination that I refuse to be 232 lbs again is still there.  Pushing me on.  

Because, if you’ve been around here for any length of time you already know…I. refuse. to. quit. 

So, here I am.  Living well, enjoying my summer that will fall in the books as unforgettable I’m sure.  And if you made it this far… kudos and I hope you enjoyed your beverage along the way.  [grin]

Thanks for stopping by! 

Tomorrow I leave bright and early with my husband and two daughters to make the trek out to Arizona to move one of those daughters to her new college hometown.  The past weeks have been full of fun and prep as we get ready for this big move.  

There has been car buying for both girls.  No, they are not thrilled at all with their first cars. 🙂

A dental visit at dad’s office, where her twin just happened to be shadowing that day.  

An Anne of Green Gables movie marathon.  We can check this off the bucket list of “things to do before we leave for college”.

Dropping off little brother with friends, so he can have fun and not have to hang out with me and his sister for the road trip home after dropping off his other sister.  

Snow cones with friends. 

And one of the best stress relievers … exercise!  My kids have continued to get up and go to the gym with or without me every morning.  I’m so proud of them. 

I’m also really enjoying going on long walks with my friend when I visit her.  Yesterday, after dropping off my son, my daughters and I spent the night with our friends and us girls all got up to get our exercise done at a local park. It’s so nice having friends who want to fit in fitness to visits and I hope that never changes.  

So, life continues to happen and I am continuing to attend meetings.  The scale is going back in a healthier direction and I’m glad for that.  

I constantly have posts brewing in my mind, but making time to come get those thoughts out here on the computer is another story these days.  However, there’s lots brewing about “just what exactly do I want to be spending my time on??” and blogging is still at the top of my list.  

So, I have plans and hopes and look forward to sharing them all in the future.  But, as you are all so good at understanding, for today I have laundry to do, suitcases to pack and plans to fulfill as we make sure she has all the big stuff that is cheaper to take in a car than mail in a box.  

Have a good day and thanks for stopping by!

First the business side of things….

The scale was up today;  just a little and completely expected.  How about we talk more about my weight at the end of the month?  The good news is I’m not up as much as my highest weight in May and I’m content with that. 

Our company is gone and I’m feeling ready to get back to work on my health.  I’m also noting the fact I have a hard time losing weight around other people or major events and I’ll work on that.  Promise. 

As for the actual life happenings lately …

Today I drove home from my Weight Watchers meeting thinking how much I’m coming to love this group of ladies (though I sometimes feel bad for the new people, because there’s a handful of us who can take over the conversation if allowed – LOL!!) But this group is honest and forthright and well, it’s therapeutic to talk about weight concerns with women who understand. 

Today we discussed our “kudos” and then jumped into rehashing the “loving yourself” topic.  

At one point a member commented about how she wanted to quit and another chimed in almost immediately with how glad she was the prior woman mentioned quitting because it was all she could do to make herself return to “class” as she calls it after a vacation gain she’d recently experienced. 

We laughed to ourselves in the back row when she leaned over to me and whispered, “We sound like a bunch of quitters.”  Afterwards, as I chatted with my two WW friends, I said, “Yep!  We are the quitters who won’t quit!” 

And, to me, folks THAT is why we will succeed.  

At least, it’s why we CAN succeed.  

Because we refuse to give up and give in to the lie of “once overweight always overweight”. 

Is it harder for us to care for our health than some?  Probably.

Do we wish we could eat whatever we want and be thin?  Usually.

But are we going to throw in the towel and let our bodies go to hell just because we’re frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes by the needs we must meet to be healthy?  No.

Almost every woman in that room raised her hand when the instructor asked who had ever failed at a prior attempt at weight loss, and that was so reassuring to each of us.  And it made me proud of every one of them, because like me they will not give up trying.  

Maybe I’ll make a t-shirt …. Kidding. 

 

Have a good week everyone!  Here’s to getting back up just one more time!

This week’s Weight Watchers meeting highlighted the topic of loving your body as it is.  We took a little quiz to see where we fall on the scale self-love.  I fall in the neutral category.  There are things I wish were nicer about my figure, but parts I like as well.

To sum it up… I don’t hate my body.

I don’t not wear a swimsuit because I can’t look “magazine perfect” in one. 

I don’t not participate in activities because I’m overweight.  

Etc. Etc. 

And you know what?  I never did not do those things when I was 232 pounds either. 

Maybe it was because I have great friends and family who never treated me less because of my weight, or maybe it was because I have this great mindset that I’m not letting my weight stop me from enjoying life.  Who knows?

One thing I do know is when I saw this post by Kiki at Eat More 2 Weigh Less I thought, “Exactly!” 

Not because I have ever truly hated my body, but because I sure have hated myself for feeling like such a failure when I gained weight.  

I’ve always said my weight loss journey didn’t really begin in May 2009 when I started changing my habits, but it truly began the summer prior when I made the mental change to love myself “if I never lost another pound”.  

That change in mindset took me from feelings of failure to freedom.  I learned grace for myself.  I came to accept I have certain genes which prevent me from ever being like the petite, slim older woman I walked by yesterday who looked so smart in her summery business attire…for example.  

And when I am struggling with weight issues, while I get vexed when clothes don’t fit correctly, the bigger struggle for me is the mental fight.  

For me, It’s a fine balance between admonishing ones self to better self care and falling into a pit of rejection. 

So, while I encourage you to live your life to the fullest and don’t wait for the smaller sizes to enjoy the life you’re blessed to live, I’m going to keep working on accepting my faults and failures mentally and plow ahead to live a healthier life.

Because as always…I’m never giving up.  

I still have company for another week, well I did as of my WW meeting on Monday when I weighed in, and I am allowing myself to be in a semi-vacation mode until I have my house completely back to ourselves.

That being said I have been back to work in the exercise department and it paid off this past week.  

I was down -2.6 pounds!  

Getting ready for my meeting I was like, “Please, Lord, I don’t care if it’s -0.2 or the same, please, please don’t let me see another gain.”  *smirk*  (Like it’s all up to Him if I gain or lose weight… not.) 

It was refreshing to see that the gain I had the week before might have been lots of water or the heavy meal I had the night before.  Who knows? 

All, I know is I’ve been back exercising and that feels good.  

Even more fun is having this crew along with me at the YMCA every morning.  It makes my heart happy to see that they want to be healthy as well.  

Another happy I’m enjoying this summer so far is seeing my girls burying themselves in books after the post-workout shower.  I was a book worm growing up, and still immerse myself in audio books while I work on projects, and I LOVE seeing my kids reading.  

My son has to read two books this summer and do some sort of homework on them for his AP English/Literature class in the fall, so he settled for a joke book at the bookstore this week and drives us nuts with those…when we’re not reading.  lol

That’s all for now. I hope you’re weeks are going well.  It’s getting hot here in Texas and makes me grateful for air conditioning and the money to pay the bill!  🙂 

Thanks for stopping by!

It’s the details…that I enjoy and that take up time.  🙂

Can I leave up our neat wall for a while? It came out so nice!

My Girls!  High School is done!

My husband and I with our kids — sporting the shirts where they will be attending college.