My New Ending

I am so proud of my mom! She has worked so hard to get to this point. I never would’ve thought she’d  lose enough weight to have surgery.

For the most part of my life, my mom has never been the one to be active or eat healthy. I’d always hear of kids at school whose mothers were all about eating healthy and staying active, but I just knew my mom would never be like that. I was alway ok with that because I loved her the way she was. Plus, she can cook really good and I didn’t want her to start making some of the “disgusting, healthy food.”

When my mom first started running, I thought it was pretty cool. I couldn’t believe she was actually doing something active on her own. I loved hearing when she finished a run and was talking about how hard it was, or how she actually did it. There were even times when I thought “Wow, I could never do that.”

I always felt a sense of pride when she accomplished a new goal, wether it be a faster mile, or more distance added to her time. I just couldn’t believe she was turning into this thinner, fitter, and healthier woman. 

There were even times when I secretly watch what I was eating because my mom was, and why shouldn’t I? 

I alway loved watching The Biggest Loser. It was interesting to see how hard these people worked to lose weight and get healthy. It was so cool to see them at the end of the season and how much weight they lost. I remember listening to how they’d say losing weight changed there life and they’d never be the same again. 

I’ve also seen other weight loss shows where people would work towards getting this surgery to remove excess skin and stuff. I remember seeing how excited they were to reach that goal and earn that surgery. 

When my mom said she was going to get this surgery done, I was like “Are you serious?!” I looked back at how far my mom has come and how much she’s lost and I thought to myself, “She looks like those transformations you see only on TV.” I was amazed that she lost that much weight. When she said she lost enough to get the surgery, I wanted to cry. She worked so hard for this. I’m so proud of how she’s stuck to her plan and not strayed from the goal to lose. 

She is an inspiration to me and to others that it is possible, and that if she can do it, anyone can.

I love her and I can’t wait to see the final result of this amazing success that she has earned…. And when she recovers, I will be running my first 10k with her. I never would’ve thought to do it if it wasn’t for her. 

I love you, Mom, and I ‘m so proud of you.

At my pre-op visit the doctor held the bottom of my stomach, the “apron” as they call it, and told me they can definitely get rid of that.  Then he touched the upper portion of my abdomen, just under my bra and informed me, “That will not go away.  We can not remove that fatty tissue due to blood supply issues.”  

After he left the room I asked the nurse about that comment and she assured me everything will be flush and smooth.

But in the days following I was still worried about the thought that the upper abdomen fatty tissue would still be there.  I had images of a flatter lower abdomen and a bulge on top, or small deposits of bulging tissue everywhere. 

When I voiced my worries to my husband he replied with, “You’ve seen the pictures … you’ll be fine.”  

But it still bothered me and I knew I was going to ask the nurse about it one more time just to be sure.    This is a lot of money to spend and have unanswered concerns prior to the procedure. 

So, today when the nurse called me I told her I was thinking about calling her with this concern.  I told her everything that was bothering me and she explained it like this: 

She said the fatty tissue that is attached to the upper portion of by abdomen will not go away, but be stretched out along my abdomen along with the skin that will be pulled down.  I told her it concerned me when the doctor kept pointing it out, but she reassured me it just meant my stomach will not be rock hard, but have a small layer of fatty tissue under the skin.  

“Don’t worry.  You’ll be flat and it will look all smooth because that tissue will stick with the skin as it is pulled down.  You’re gonna love it!”  

I asked her if it was like having a pile of frosting on a spoon and then smoothing it over a cake — it’s the same amount of product, but spread out.  She said that was right. 

I told her I never expected my stomach to be a washboard stomach when this surgery is done.  There are women going into the surgery with much less fat and weight on their bodies than I am, so I know I will not look like their “after” pictures.  I always look for the “before” pictures that look similar to my stomach right now and then look at their “after” pictures as something I have to look forward to.  (It’s always much, much better than what I’ve ever had in my life..) 

She said I have a great outlook and my expectations are exactly what they should be for this procedure.  She also reassured me for the millionth time, “You’re gonna love it!”  🙂  Now that she has put to rest my qualms about the fatty tissue that will remain I am definitely getting more excited about it.  

This morning the nurse called from the surgery center where I will be having my abdominoplasty on Monday.  Most of this isn’t anything new, but I’m kind of having fun journaling this tummy tuck journey.

First, she asked if I had any questions, then she said to get a pen handy and she was going to go over a few things with me and proceeded to remind me …

She said I can wear whatever style bra I feel most comfortable in and if I have a hard time putting it back on then they’ll send it home with me in a bag.  Oh my.  The thought of being outside my home without undergarments makes me blush.  *giggle*  She said they may or may not let me keep my bra on during surgery.  I knew they’d have me remove it, but I kind of hope I can get it back on afterwards.  I think I’m going to go with a lighter support sports bra I have, because it comes on and off pretty easily and will be more comfortable to sleep in.

She said my husband seems so sweet.  He was asking all kinds of questions about the anesthesia and pain medications at the pre-op appointment.  I told her it’s kind of funny, but being a dentist and being somewhat familiar with oral surgery he likes to know everything that is going on.  

I informed her that we have decided to drive home, versus staying in a hotel minutes from the center. We live 45 minutes from where my surgery is being done, but I know my recliner and have things ready here for me to sleep.  I think the hardest part will be getting in and out of the car, which I’ll have to do regardless of where I stay, so we’ve decided to save the money and just come home. 

I asked her if I can get a picture of what will be removed and she said, “Oh yes.  I’m going back there to take pictures of everything and I can get you copies of that; just remind me.”  I’m so excited about that.  It will be interesting to see just how much skin/flab is removed.  

I asked if liposuction is included in my surgery because I keep seeing before/after photos with captions like “abdominoplasty with liposuction to the flanks”.  She said that is a separate procedure and we could ask the doctor about doing it, but he may not because my surgery will be pretty extensive already.  I told her I wasn’t going to use surgery to get rid of excess fat and that if it bothered me I’d take care of it with diet and exercise. 

I had another major question for her about the expected results of my surgery, but I’m going to post separately about that.  She answered that very thoroughly and I was super glad she called.

This nurse, or medical assistant..not sure what she is, is so sweet.  She’s probably 10 years younger than me (or more … lol) and keeps telling me, “You’re gonna be so pleased with your surgery!  You’re gonna love it!”  She and the doctor have seen before/after pictures of me at my heaviest weight and they are excited to do this surgery and help me even further in my journey. 

She asked if I was getting more excited and yes, ma’am I am!

My daughters have always been very active and they currently play basketball.  Last fall one of them told me she was thinking about trying out running after basketball season was over.  Yesterday there was no basketball practice, so the same daughter told me she was going to go for a run. 

“I’ll just be gone for 30 minutes.”, she said, “I don’t even know if I can run for that long, but I’m going to try.” 

I said okay and continued about my business.  We live in a fairly safe neighborhood, so I wasn’t worried about her. 

Well, she returned a little over 30 minutes later elated and showing me on her Nike+ Fitness app that she had just finished running 3.56 miles.  She said she just kept running until she realized she’d hit 30 minutes and then finished it out.

I told her that was a little over a 5K and she was grinning from ear to ear. 

When she mentioned running last fall I had told her she would probably have no problem running a 5K in the spring and she had said she’d like to try for that.  Well, now that she just ran 3.56 miles (about .46 over a 5K) she is thinking of going for a 10K race this spring instead. 

The best part of this is how she posted on her Instagram account that she knew if her mom could do it she surely could.  Aww… 

At my heaviest I was always happy for my kids when they played for hours outside and when they played sports I cheered them on, never once wishing I could participate in those activities with them.  My husband was the active parent and I was happy to cheer from the sidelines.  

Now my daughter is saying that she’d like to try to train for a 10K … and she wants me to help her find a training plan so we can train together.  Another moment of non-scale victory in my new ending.  🙂

I want to take a minute to thank all of you for your support about my decision to have surgery.  One of my faults is to worry too much what people think about me and my decisions in life.  At 37 years old I still worry more than I should.  I’m learning part of that is because I can be a pretty critical person myself.  Over the past years I’ve really been working on being less critical of others and in turn not worry so much about what they think about me.

I share all that to share that when I told a friend about my surgery and her reaction was less than supportive I told my husband I had a major breakthrough — I didn’t care.  She wasn’t offering me justified reasons to reconsider, i.e. risks, etc, she simply kept repeating “I get it [the skin], but WHY [have the surgery]?!”

That was the night I realized I would need somewhat of a reason to explain investing a large sum of money into removing skin that no one other than my doctors and husband would every truly see.

Of course, my husband said I don’t owe anybody an explanation, but I knew I also wanted to have my reasons down for myself.  You don’t spend lots of money and allow someone to cut on your body without knowing why you’re doing it.

So, I figured out my why and put together the blog post announcing my surgery when I finally felt it was time to share my decision with “the world”. 

More than figuring out my why I also figured out, or came to the conclusion, that I don’t really care whether people support or reject my choice.  I don’t mean to sound harsh, but my husband and I discussed at great lengths whether or not I should have this surgery.  As I got smaller and smaller and truly understood what it is to have saggy skin that can make clothes shopping and exercise frustrating both he and I realized this kind of surgery could be very beneficial.  

There are those who I think may worry I’m changing too much by being willing to go through surgery; they will think it all vanity.  But as I told one close friend…  I am still Leah.  I’m still just working on my new ending in life with regards to my health.  

Those who are my friends will have to trust that I’m going to continue being the same me.  My priorities in life have only adjusted slightly to include staying active and eating less food, but that started way before my decision to have abdominoplasty.  

To sum it up, I didn’t start losing weight and exercising to please anyone and I’m not doing this surgery for that reason either.  So, I’m grateful for the support from those who offer it and I’m not worried about the ones who don’t agree.  For a girl who spends too much time worrying about what others think this is a huge breakthrough for me, and another breakthrough in my weight loss journey I’m glad to have experienced. 

I had my pre-op appointment today for my abdominoplasty.  The doctor and staff were very in depth with the risks, procedures, to-do’s etc and said everything looks good.  I have my prescriptions to fill for an antibiotic, a pain killer and a muscle relaxer.  I’m also going to look for a stool softener to take right away to help keep me from getting constipated.  

They suggested I wear a shirt or zip up hooded sweatshirt for surgery because that will be easier to put on versus trying to lift my arms above my head to get into a t-shirt the first day or two.  I only have one button up blouse, so I stopped at Kohls and picked up a cute pair of flannel pi’s with a button front on clearance.  As my girls said, I’ll also need to look cute if someone comes to the house.  Yea, me with no makeup and hunched over will be cute.  lol  🙂 

But I digress.

The doctor did inform me that the area on what would be near the back of my hips will still have the skin and fatty tissue it currently has, but everything else will be pulled flat.  I was informed I can lose up to 20 more pounds and it not affect the results of my surgery.  Since I would like to get down to 150 I was glad to hear this.  

My husband went with me to the appointment and the doctor showed him wear the incisions would be — one from hip to hip and one around my belly button.  My husband is a dentist and a little familiar with surgical procedures so he asked a couple questions about anesthesia and post-op medication.  The doctor was very patient with us and answered all our questions in a kind manner.  

At the last minute the nurse remembered she has to take a before picture and we had to go into this little room where the camera is set up.  I put on the little panties handed to me and told my husband had I not been about to have my stomach skin removed I would’ve been very embarrassed to let my gut hang out like that.  Yikes.  She is the nicest young lady and kept telling me I’m going to be so pleased with my results.  (No, mom I did not consent to have my photos on their website…even though I did tell my husband I’ve learned a lot from seeing others photos.)

The doctor asked if I needed a valium to take the night before surgery and I told him I think I’m fine; to which he replied that I looked very calm.  I am. 

I really am not worried about the surgery.  I’m very comfortable with the doctor and staff at the surgical center where it will be performed.  I also have no expectations of looking like a super model when it’s over.  I’ve given birth to twins and a single baby, lived the majority of my adult years weighing over 200 pounds on a 5′ 4″ frame and have the stretch marks to prove it.  

My body has done some amazing things and I’m very proud of that.  I’m simply looking forward to not having the bulging skin in my middle when I exercise and to look a little smoother in my clothing.  Today my doctor assured that he’ll be able to take care of all of that.  🙂

Short Story:

Ms. Teri is the sweetest lady at the gym and yesterday after intimating to her that I would be gone from the gym for a bit due to having “skin removal surgery” she informed me to simply obey the doctor’s orders to a “t” and I’ll heal just fine..like she did when she had her surgery.  I. Never. Knew.  and I realized you never know where help can come from if you don’t ever reach out to those around you.

Long Story:

Ms. Teri is a really neat lady at the gym I go to on base.  She always has a smile on her face and is ready with a cheerful word of encouragement to those around her.  I started getting to know her a bit last fall and currently chat with her a little here and there after a class we both take on Mondays and Wednesdays.  She is also a beast in class; quietly working so hard and always saying that she just tries her best, while she casually outworks many of us younger ladies.

Yesterday I got to the gym early and decided to tell her about my surgery prior to the class so she would know where I was when I didn’t show up for a month or more.  She was so happy for me.  Then she sweetly took me by the shoulders and said, “Just do everything your doctor tells you to and you’ll be fine.  Do everything they say and let yourself heal and you’ll be fine.  Trust me…I know… [pause] I did and mine healed up just fine.”

What?!?  I smiled real big.  “You’ve had the same surgery???”, I asked her.  She said yes she had and shared her story with me.  She said she doesn’t tell everyone, but is happy to share it when it will help someone else.

She said I could share her story on my blog, then she explained she had always been active, had two very large babies that stretched her skin out a ton.  She wore girdles with all her clothing (including workout gear) and after years of doctors telling her there was nothing they could do about the skin she finally asked for a referral to speak with a surgeon after having a hysterectomy just to see what the surgeon would say about the excessive skin.

The surgeon took one look at her skin and told her they could give her the gold star treatment and insurance would cover all of it.  Ms. Teri said she and her husband cried at the news that not only could they take care of the skin issue, but they wouldn’t have to pay for it.

She said the freedom she felt after having the skin removed when she exercised was amazing.  She was relieved from chaffing skin and pain from the excess skin flapping around during her workouts.  And she was also relieved from having to wear extra undergarments under her clothing to keep things in check.

The thing she kept telling me what that you can never think someone is perfect or that they don’t have problems, because you never know the whole story.

That is so true (as I’ve said many times since losing my own extra weight). I would never have known that this sweet lady had skin removal surgery.  I’ve seen her as a faithful regular at our gym since I moved here.  She doesn’t dress in a way that says, “Look at me and my flat abs!!”  She simply works hard and I could easily assume she’d never had an issue with loose skin or extra weight of any kind. 

Sometimes I’m a little too talkative — so I’m told — but this was one time when I was so glad I opened my mouth.  Not only was I able to become a little more friendly with a lady at the gym, but I was able to learn more about the procedure I’m about to undergo from a real person.  I couldn’t have asked for a better person to learn from either.  

Ms. Teri has offered me her phone number so I can check in with her after my surgery, she’s offered her prayers for everything to go well and we both look forward to when I can go back to the gym and continue working on my new ending … excess skin not included.  🙂

So, it’s officially one week until my abdominoplasty surgery and I’ve been a little obsessed over the past few days looking up “abdominoplasty success stories”, etc. etc. on Google.  I’ve been looking at pictures and reading peoples’ stories to get an idea of what to expect on the day of surgery and in the days following.

There are some very honest people out there, and while I won’t be sharing all of my bare abdomen for the world to see I am very grateful some have shown theirs.  Through the perusing I’ve come up with some more specific questions to ask my doctor on Wednesday.  

Here and there I’m also thinking of different things I need to take care of.  For example, I think I’ll take our step stool to help me get in our Toyota 4Runner post surgery.  Yikes.  My husband reminded me he’ll be there to help me step up on the running board, but still … We’ll see how strong my arms are.  🙂  

Today I went and picked up some hard books and some audiobooks for recovery from the library.  I burn the audiobooks onto my computer and then I have as much time as I need to listen to them.  I also have some baby hand work gifts I can work on when I’m past the sleeping-all-day stage and just need projects to keep me seated and healing and not bored out of my mind.  

That’s about it for today.  I’m not really nervous about having surgery.  I just can’t believe I’m really doing it and that I’m not going to have a bulging belly anymore.  It’s beyond my comprehension what exactly this surgery is going to do for me.  

So, my husband has been wanting to get rid of a little extra belly fat.  We had some talks about this and that with regards to diet and exercise and one thing I mentioned is it might help him just to cut out his sugary drinks that he loves, namely soda, lemonade and Kool-Aid.  He exercises regularly and eats fairly healthy.  I’m the more sweets girl, but he’s definitely the sweet drinks guy.  My son has also wanted to trim up and get healthier.  My son is in the early teen, pudgy stage, but he has an appetite for sweets AND sugary drinks.  

They came up with this idea in December to not have any sodas or sweets for the month of January to  detox from the sugars.  I reminded my husband when I did this a few years ago he told me after it was over it was the dumbest idea I ever had.  *giggle* 

I suggested trying to cut cut out the sweets for 6 days a week, allowing one “treat” day for sweets and/or sodas and sugary drinks.  If they chose to do the “one cheat day” plan I said I’d join them.  My husband liked this idea and we agreed that it would be an easier idea to maybe even stick to beyond the month and make it a habit. 

The rules are:

We started the challenge this past Monday, when the kids went back to school, and it’s going well so far.  Last night was the first night my husband had any juice and I told him I’m so proud of him for drinking so much water.  Woot!  My son has done well also, though my husband did reassure him he didn’t have to do this with us if he wanted to have a sweet treat (after I asked if he could have a small hot chocolate when I was ordering coffee on our freezing cold afternoon earlier this week..)  My son had the hot chocolate, but that’s the only dessert he’s had so far this week.  

I have found myself eating some crackers with milk at night a couple of nights and I think it’s the “carb craving”, but I’ve been tracking all my food again and making room.  Just the fact that I’m not having as much sweet junk as I was eating in late December is a good thing.  

I’ll keep you posted on how things are going periodically and at the end of the month we’ll see if there’s any weight loss for my husband from his cutting down the sugary drinks (and not drinking so many extra calories…oh..the conversations we’ve been having.  lol  *grin*)

Have you ever found yourself doing something you never thought you would?  There are some things I will never do simply because they go against my beliefs and then there are things I say I would never do because I have no interest in the subject or I don’t think I’d ever be able to do “it”. 

Weight loss was one of those things I never thought I’d be able to do.  Maintain a large weight loss?  That was only a dream for me for many years.  In fact, it was more of a “I’ll-never-be-able-to-do-that” thing.  

Then I did it.  I lost weight and have maintained a significant loss for a little over a year now.  Throughout this past year I’ve also changed some thoughts on something I never thought I’d do.  I’ve considered skin removal surgery. 

I’ve considered it on my abdomen, especially after a consultation with a cosmetologist last September assured me the bulge on my abdomen was mostly loose skin and I was a perfect candidate for an abdominoplasty — a.k.a. “tummy tuck”.  

Me?  Get a tummy tuck?

Yes. 

After much consideration, research and planning over the last six months my husband and I have decided to go ahead with skin removal surgery on my abdomen.  I’ve known that when I announce this I’m going to be asked why.  I’m a modest woman and have no desire to wear a bikini bathing suit or cropped blouses, so why would it matter to get rid of the excessive skin on my stomach? 

To sum it up I want to get rid of the reminder of who I used to be.  I have an apron of skin that hangs from hip to hip and up and over my belly button.   There are certain styles clothing that will never fit me correctly no matter how much weight I lose and I will always have this bulge around my middle that will not go away without surgery.  It’s a vex sometimes.

Yes, the saggy skin on my thighs are also a reminder, as well as the underarm “wings” I’ve acquired both with age and weight loss.  But they don’t prevent me from feeling as good about myself as my stomach does.  

It sounds vain, and I know some will think I’m just that, but I honestly have arrived at a place where I’m not overly concerned with what others think about this decision.  Also, we are in a place financially where skin removal surgery is possible.  

All throughout my weight loss journey I have prayed to stay a humble, modest woman and not allow my new figure to turn me into a “hooch”.  I’m also a big component of loving yourself as you are, and I do love myself and am very proud of what I’ve been able to do,  but the thought of being able to get rid of this one major reminder of the old me is wonderful.

I’m super excited about the prospect of not having an apron of skin hanging from hip to hip, of not having to wear a full body girdle to keep things smooth under my dress clothes and to be able to run and not feel my stomach flap, flapping as I go along.  This surgery is the proverbial “icing on the cake” of my weight loss journey.  It’s not necessary, but I’m very glad I can do it.

I’m also getting a bit nervous, because this type of surgery is no joke and mine is less than two weeks away.  

Yes, I go in for my pre-op appointment in a week and surgery is on Monday, January 20th.  I’m guessing will be similar to my c-section as far as the healing goes.  My husband is able to take off work to go with me to all my appointments and to care for me at home,  My teenage kids are aware of what is going on, so they will be able to help out as well. 

Skin removal surgery a huge step for me, and one I never dreamed I’d take in my weight loss journey.  I plan on sharing a lot about it here and look forward to good things.  I will share some sort of before and after photos, but I’m still deciding how much photo proof I want to share on the internet.  

If this is not your type of thing, please just bear with me.  My blog may be focused a little on the surgery for the next few weeks, but things will settle down after a bit and I’ll be over it.  

For those that are up to it … feel free to join me on a new adventurous chapter in my journey.  🙂