Overcoming and a Jog

Posted on November 5, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

After yesterday’s post I did take a some time to take these fear issues to God in prayer. It was a good time of soul searching and breakthrough. I have been very surprised at the emotional issues I carry in me that I never thought were there.

I have had a blessed life, being raised in a two-parent christian home, marrying a wonderful young man who continues to grow into a man of God, always supporting me and being there no matter what, my children are healthy and right where they should be for their ages, and yet I find myself seeing struggles deep inside that I just pushed away I guess.
I’m not real sure about it all.
One thing I know is that I am going to overcome this fear of failure. That is one issue I know I’ve struggled with all growing up, except it was always in the form of fear of rejection from others. My parents loved me for who I was, chubby, but I always battle comparing myself to others.
Anyway, I didn’t want this post to go on and on. I just wanted you all to know that I am pressing through and not giving in to fear of failure.
In fact, today the gym was closed so I couldn’t do my elliptical workout. Having not been able to go on Tuesday I was a little upset with that. I decided to go to the park and walk on a walking trail. It’s a one-mile lap and is lit all the way around. I ended up doing a walk-jog for 2 miles and then a 1/2 mile brisk walk and cool down.
In the past when our kids went with us to the park the girls would jog with me from one light pole to the next, probably only a couple 15-20 feet or so (no idea..) then we’d walk a bit. We’d do this a few times and then just walk the rest.
Well, today I made myself jog the distance between three light poles instead of two and then I’d walk the same distance at a brisk pace. I did these intervals for 2 miles. About 1.5 miles through I started to cry for a few seconds, but I kept going. The tears didn’t last long and I finished strong.
It’s amazing how a very brisk walk seems so much easier after trying to jog. 🙂
Anyway, now you know I’m feeling a bit better. Again, I really do thank all of you that are so supportive of me and my weight loss journey. I appreciate it very much!
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This Could Have Been Me Talking

Posted on November 4, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding
I watched week 7 of The Biggest Loser today and this conversation between Jillian and Amanda hit me hard. It could easily have been me and Jillian talking. The portions in red are exactly how I feel at times and something I’m going to deal with in my life. Wow.
In case you don’t watch TBL the scenario was this: Amanda was on the treadmill, they have stepped off for a break, but she then isn’t ready to get back on the treadmill just yet. She’s tired, stressed and says she just can’t. The conversation goes like this:

Jillian: “Why are you so attached to being a failure?”

Amanda: “Because I’m so used to being the fat girl, Jillian! I’m so used to not knowing how to do this!
Jillian: “Well, why don’t you change your mind today? You want to fail. You don’t want to succeed.”
Amanda: “That’s not true.”
Jillian: “Yes, it is. What are you getting out of it?”
Amanda: “I don’t know…you look at me and I know you see potential and you push me so hard, but I don’t think I’m ready to be pushed so hard…I know I can’t do it and I don’t want to fail.”
Jillian: “You’re wrong. You can do it.”
Amanda: “No, I can’t Jillian! I can’t do it with the cameras on me… in my face… “
Jillian: (interrupting) “Yes, you can. You are not failing here. You quit. There’s a difference between quitting and failing!”
Amanda: “The thing is, I know I can’t get to a minute [doing this certain treadmill exercise], so I’m like ‘Why even try? I know I can’t do it.’ “
Jillian: “You are wrong. You know what, Amanda, it’s going to require some courage. It’s going to require a little bit of bravery. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to be fearless…”
Amanda: (interrupting) “Stepping on this treadmill is bravery!”
Jillian: “Well, then step on the treadmill and make it count. ….. if you don’t bring an intention to these actions, then they are nothing but a punishment. You make it happen. You don’t wait for life to happen you make it happen.”
Amanda: “I’m telling you, Jillian, I can’t right now.”
Jillian: “Yes, you can.”
I don’t really have anything else to add, except now you know another little piece of my struggle with weight. I’m going to take into consideration some of the things Jillian told her and, as always, I won’t quit.
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Controlling the Candy

Posted on November 4, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

So, the past couple of days I’ve noticed a theme amongst us in weight loss blogland… CANDY.

Candy has been the topic at hand.
I know it’s because of Halloween and I know that I’ve even blogged about it already. What I find interesting is the different ways people have handled this holiday.

Some binged the night of Halloween and regretted it later, some didn’t binge that exact evening but have since eaten a few too many pieces and others have been able to stay away from the candy or eat it in small, manageable portions.
I fell in the middle group. I enjoyed a few treats Halloween night, but I didn’t binge and let myself go. However, since then I’ve had a few pieces every day.
Well, I feel that a few snack-sized candies every day is a few too many for me to continue down the scale in my weight loss journey. So, today I decided “No more.” and I haven’t had a piece of candy all day.
Lori (a weightloss success story by the way) commented on my post from yesterday that maybe I should get rid of all the candy in my house. I personally don’t want to get rid of all my kids’ candy when they aren’t battling weight issues. They are allowed 1-2 pieces a day and it’s stored in the pantry in bags labeled with their names. This works well for us, so I’m going to leave it that way. The kids shared a few pieces with me, I enjoyed them, but now on to getting this weight off.
In working towards losing more weight I will control the candy instead of letting it control me. It may be in my house, but that doesn’t mean it has to be in my mouth.
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No Cookie – Yes Candy

Posted on November 3, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

So today after school someone was handing out chocolate chip cookies and I declined one. Another teacher said, “Oh are you giving them up?” I just laughed. Whee!

But ……..
…… then when I got home I ate two snack packs of candies – one peanut M&Ms and one Reese’s PB Candies. Oh, goodness, as I’m writing I’m remembering I also ate one PB Cup after dinner.
Yikes!
Well, I decided that Halloween and PMS munchies aren’t a good mix.
Oh well….honestly I was so hungry when I got home that is why I had those two candy packs. I was busy cleaning and didn’t want to stop for some fruit. We didn’t eat dinner until another hour or so. I hadn’t eaten very much all day, so that is why I was so hungry.
As Anne of Green Gables said, “Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Halloween

Posted on November 2, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

It didn’t occur to me until the end of the night that here I am working on weight loss and I dressed up as a chef for Halloween! LOL!!! I just cracked myself up!!!
Maybe it’s good because it means I have finally taken over my food…I don’t know, but I giggled right out loud because it seems ironic I’d dress up as a food-related person during this time of my life.
On Halloween, we had a party at our church renamed “Hallelujah Party” with a talent show and food fellowship. I did pretty good with the food – a small serving of lasagna, small serving of enchiladas, apples and grapes. Then I did allow myself some sweets. I won’t go into how much, but it was more than one piece.
I enjoyed it and was proud of myself that I was the only one that didn’t pile my plate high with food, plus get a bowl of food on the side. I enjoyed my un-full plate and few desserts, but that was it. Yay!
I have eaten a few too many candies, but the weekend is over and so is my candy munching. I enjoyed a few favorites and now I’m done.
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Hot 100 – Update October

Posted on October 31, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding


My goals for the Hot 100 challenge are set up in three sections, one for each month that leads us out of this year. So, since today is the last day of October I thought I’d update everyone on whether I made my goals or not.

Hot 100 Goals for October:
Scale Goal: See any kind of a weight loss by the time my mother-in-law leaves, which should be by the end of this month.
Emotional Goal: Not get offended when my mother-in-law offers a comment she thinks will help me with my “diet”. She hasn’t made more than maybe two in a week, but I found myself getting angry right away. Yet, when I thought more on it…she was right. Ouch.

Scale Goal: Yes! MIL is actually leaving for home today. (great timing for Hot 100, eh?) I was 213.5 pounds when MIL got here and as of yesterday I am 209.5. I managed to lose 4 pounds while she was here. I am going to be happy with that as I could’ve easily seen a gain with all the good cooking. 🙂
Emotional Goal: Yes! I’m happy to say that she made less and less comments, though there weren’t very many to begin with, but even just little comments on everyday life that were supposed to be helpful haven’t been bothering me as much. I just realize that we were raised VERY different and she’s only sharing her opinion of what works/doesn’t work for her like I probably will to my grown children someday. All in all, I learned that if she had to live with us for some reason it would be fine. We got along great! She was a real blessing to us in many ways.

So, that’s it for this first month folks. I’m happy to say that I met my goals and now on to work towards my goals for November. 🙂


p.s. Please excuse the large font up there..not sure what I did wrong and I don’t have time to figure it out at the moment. 🙂



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Weigh-In … Relieved

Posted on October 30, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Today’s Weight: 209.5

Loss/Gain: +0.5 lb.
Total Loss So Far: -21.5 lbs
Well, I was relieved to see that I was only up 0.5 a lb. While it’s still a little vexing, I’m not nearly as upset as last night.
Thank you Steve and Diane for your support and words of belief in me. I means a lot to know people believe in you. 🙂
I had a good talk with my husband late last night and let it all out. It was good to let it out. He is very supportive and encouraging and I’m so grateful for that. He reminded me of how there are some ladies on The Biggest Loser this season who are working so hard and eating so strict and they still only pull 4-5 lb losses each week. He said we are all different and encouraged me to just keep going.
So, here’s to another week. I will not quit and I will keep going. I do feel better than when I started and I know that I will keep going day by day, choice by choice to make it to my goals.
Have a nice Friday everyone!
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Now For Some Honesty

Posted on October 30, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Okay, I wrote my trying-to-be-positive post about a half hour ago, but honestly I just want to cry. Well, okay, I did cry while cleaning up…. so frustrated. I decided to come back to the computer and get it out of my system.

There are some other factors frustrating me at the moment, but nothing major.

I am just seriously wondering if I can ever make it in losing weight….
BUT…. I know I can’t give up.
I hope I feel better in the morning.
Thanks for the encouraging words and just for being there everyone – even if it’s not in person.
I’m letting my blog song play over and over to remind me that I just gotta keep climbing.
Goodnight, for real.
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A veggie boat, a coffee and the elliptical again.

Posted on October 30, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

Folks I don’t think I’m going to see a loss tomorrow, or at least I will be surprised if I manage to pull a loss after this past week. Though I do plan on seeing one next week, because it’s time to get back with the program.

In getting back with the program I can say that today I had lunch with my husband at the dental school and made a great choice. I knew you would all be proud of me.
They were selling barbecued hamburgers and offered little dishes of veggies with dip, bags of chips, nachos, fixings for frito chili pie and sweets. I noticed the chips were only 50cents a little snack bag and the veggies were $2.
My husband commented on no wonder people say it’s too expensive to eat healthy.
I almost just chose the chips since they were the small snack bag just because they were cheaper, but I decided not too. I may not pay the cash now, but I knew I’d pay a price later for them.
So, I ordered a hamburger and the veggie boat on the side with a diet coke.
The veggies were fresh baby carrots, grape tomatoes, celery sticks, broccoli, cauliflower and a mini yellow bell pepper. I grabbed maybe 1-2 Tbsp of dip to help the broccoli go down, but that was it for dip.
When I sat down a fellow student and friend of ours says to me, “What is that?!?!?”
“They’re veggies, Jay!”
He comments on how gross, yada, yada. But you know what… I felt better when I was done with my veggies and then my burger.
Anyway….
I was proud of my choices, but in the afternoon when I was taking my daughter to ballet I decided to stop for a non-fat, no whip white mocha from Starbucks. We also shared a slice of pumpkin loaf. I was very hungry and actually only at about 1/4 of it. She ate the rest with her small hot cocoa.
I really enjoyed my coffee with a good book sitting in the car while it was rainy and wet out and she was inside for an hour of ballet.
So… I know I have to stop the coffees, but I did enjoy it. I guess it takes the joy out of my good choice at lunch.
But…and finally for today…
I did make time to go to the gym tonight and get another good 30-minute workout on the elliptical. This is two weeks now that I’ve used the elliptical machine for 30-minutes, twice a week. I was proud of myself. I did my own little intervals, going REALLY fast for a solid minute, and then back to my brisk/fast pace for 5 minutes. Tore me up, but I am happy I got it done.
So, while I don’t expect any good news on the scale tomorrow I have seriously been thinking about what needs to change this week and I will get back on track with my eating.
Honestly, I don’t expect you to believe me until you see it, so don’t worry. I just look forward to checking in with you when I’ve been doing better with my food AND exercise at the same time.
G’nite!
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One Positive Thing

Posted on October 28, 2009 by Leah@MyNewEnding

I’m still feeling like I can’t get it together with my weigh and diet, but I decided to have one positive thing to share today. Well, make that two…

I ate a salad with my lunch of fresh, home-cooked tamales. This cut down on having that extra tamale to fill me up.
I also noticed that I am pushing myself harder in my at-home walking DVDs. I actually start sweating and huffing and puffing before we’ve finished the first mile. This is good. I think I unintentionally started pushing myself to lift my legs higher and pump my arms more when I saw what I was capable of on the elliptical almost two weeks ago.
These are good things happening today here in beautiful, autumn-colored Okieland. 🙂
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